Gaius Octavius Posted October 19, 2007 Report Share Posted October 19, 2007 (edited) For those of you to be so unfortunate as not to be on my joke list: "makes me proud to be British! While taxiing at London 's Gatwick Airport , the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!" Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?" "Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded. Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?" FOR YOU ROMANS. DO YOU THINK THAT THIS WAS THE AUGUSTA? You could be on to something here Tom!" I know that I am roast meat, but what do you think? Is one of our guys out of order? ----------------------------------------000-------------------------------------- German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206. Speedbird 206: " Frankfurt , Speedbird 206 clear of active runway." Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven." The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop. Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?" Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."! Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?" Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, -- And I didn't land." PERTINAX? Edited October 19, 2007 by Gaius Octavius Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G-Manicus Posted October 19, 2007 Report Share Posted October 19, 2007 Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?" And suddenly, out of nowhere, the sound of a whistle could be heard blowing in the distance ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaius Octavius Posted October 19, 2007 Author Report Share Posted October 19, 2007 ... and the stones came hurtling down! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Praebitorae Posted October 19, 2007 Report Share Posted October 19, 2007 ... and the stones came hurtling down! After first having been way up! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Augusta Posted October 20, 2007 Report Share Posted October 20, 2007 Ah, dear Gaius Octavius and his disciples: I think you have me confused with someone else. The Augusta would never concern herself with such mundane minutiae as air traffic control. This, my dear Gaius, is a mechanical job requiring little brain, and therefore far more suited to men. Nor would The Augusta scream like a fish-wife at those less capable. She is a compassionate person, and men have clumsiness inbred within them. It is like a birth defect. She would simply - and QUIETLY - send more capable men out onto the runway to take over while the incompetents were executed as humanely as possible - for as I said - she is most compassionate. And Gaius - do you think for one moment, that I would allow an ex-husband to live! You have been warned.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaius Octavius Posted October 24, 2007 Author Report Share Posted October 24, 2007 Can you believe this? One of the louts, (a Brigantine), on the board, who is trying to cotton up to Hecate, had the crust - the unmitigated gall - to accuse me - Me!, your god-Consul; your Pater Arcanae, of being lower than a snake's belly!!! These Brigantines, who are the present subject of homicide, stick together like molasses. Will you Roman citizens let this stand? My Roman nobility will not allow me to give you his name, but his initials are 'GPM'. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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