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The Imaginary Party


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Alexander of Troy the Philosopher stopped for a moment to scratch his paunch. Here on the road from the port of Ostia to the Great City was the hustle and bustle of the mass of humanity. Slaves, freedmen, commoner and aristocrat all it seemed on a hurried mission. Standing in the middle of the road, being jostled now and again, Alexander continued to scratch his paunch in an absent minded way. He was grasping his walking staff in one hand, and puzzling over a party invitation in the other. For a philosopher, and a Greek one at that, he was rather flummoxed at a party invitation from a matron in the Great City, one whom he did not know. Hmmm. He continued his walk along the way wondering why he was summoned to this party. He, a relatively unknown philosopher from the now insignificant city of Troy had of late returned from the Black Sea northern coast where he had been given an opportunity to try out his prowess as a 'Builder of Cities'. What a disaster that escapade had been, he was lucky to have escaped with his skin still attached to his body...never trust a Scythian!

As he approached the Great City now, it was almost full on dark, yet even at this late hour the city was magnificent! He hired a local guide to show him to the address of the party. As he approached the domicile he heard much merry making. He paid off his guide and stood looking towards the party. He cut an odd figure. Clothed only in a roughly woven tunic of Greek style, walking staff and travel bag hanging over one shoulder, he had occasion to ponder these Romans as they were beginning to straddle the world like a Colossus. They were indeed an interesting and different people, and his only real quibble with them was that back in his homeland everything to be bought in the Agora was marked with 'Made In Rome' on the bottom of it.

As he stood outside of the Domus, he was privvy to: a soldier(he believed a Centurian) being thrown out the second floor window to his demise. Great gods of reason, was that the roar of a panther?! And what were all these ruddy hounds doing running around the front door? Viewing the front door he noticed two hired 'strong arm' men. Hmmm, the matron expecting trouble? What was he getting into?! Inside the sound of revelry was intensifying as there was many sounds of splashing water(the impluvium he thought?), dancing music, laughter, some cursing, and the distinct smell of ozone, and the feel of sparks in the air. He had once overheard in a forum that Romans were pragmatists, and men of action...not much pragmatism here, but lots of 'doing' though. He a Greek who was more at ease thinking and pondering figured, well, I usually ascribe to the credo: A full mind, and an empty stomach, but tonight it looks like it's going to be a full stomach and and empty mind.

He entered the domicile and was met with a household servant with a warm wet cloth to refresh himself from his travels. He left his staff and bag with this fellow and thanked him. The slave frowned at the compliment as he turned and left. Alexander thought, uh, I have to remember not to thank the slaves, everyone will think I'm some kind of odd Greek. Well, when in Rome...

He actively sought out the Domina of the houshold, and had a hard time navigating through the vomitus, the bodies in the impluvium, the odd figures lurking here and there behind the pillars, and the nubile dancing girls. Oh, he thought, I hope I'm not going to regret this evening. The offer he had from a client to teach in Leptis Magna seemed so tempting right now...

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Doc scurries to welcome the next guest! "Great of you to come, Alexander of Troy! The banquet table is full of tender vitals from around the known world, and the wine is flowing. Make yourself at home! Join us in the congo line when you're ready!"

 

"Oh, by the by, the guards are for when a very few 'mischievous lot' go a bit funny on us. Some people just can't handle their liquor..."

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The Augusta is thrilled to see a golden Trojan at last! She takes Doc to one side and begs her to ascertain whether or not Alexander can bring more men to liven things up. After all - why should the men have all the fun watching nubile dancing girls. Men can dance provocatively too, and she's heard that the Trojans do a lovely line in pretending to be a hundred Parises coming to carry off a hundred fair Helens. "Isn't it time for your nap, Augustus," she says - and it is NOT a question. There's so much he doesn't approve of - life for the old girl can be dull on occasion.

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"Gracious Lady", Alexander began, "I am indeed pleased to be here, and thank you heartily for the invitation." Alexander thought to himself for a moment, ' I've been away so long on my trip amongst the Scythians, that I'm not even sure what year it is here in Rome' 'Foolish old fellow'.

"Dear lady, I do not know well the customs of the illustrious Romans, but back home it is considered proper when invited to a party, to bring a gift". " So here I have an original manual of the philosopher Epictetus, I acquired as I passed through Nicopolis on my way here". "May it give you and your loved one years of enjoyment".

"Now I will partake of the fine Roman wine I have heard about". "And by the way, not meaning to be indiscreet, but why does that Thracian gladiator have that sharp object stuck in his buttocks cheek?"...

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The Thracian and his sharp object are one of the curiosities of Rome... he has this thing about it and at least once a week he can be seen in all parts with the spike firmly attached to his rear end. So far everyone has been afraid to ask him why it is there - he IS a big fella after all and not very talkative!! Why not introduce yourself to him Urbs and check out his reation.... oh, and stand well back!!

 

Augusta, dear heart... I am not at all tired and you mistrust me I fear. You may watch nubile dancers do their stuff if you wish - male or female... it is only fair! In fact I shall have some broght round. I'm sure Doc won't mind and is quite keen too I hear so there'll be plenty to gaup at....

 

A little later on a small band of merry men can be heard marching this way... Augusta raises a smile... Doc raises three feet off the floor!! The excitement amongst the womenfolk is reaching a high... time for the gents to wander into another room!

 

The Thracian looks puzzled at being asked by Urbs "Why the sharp pointy thing in the bum???"

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Brutus puts down the panther. The great beast rolls on its side and rests. He hears a comment about a spear in buttocks and almost falls for the gag. Hmmm... a joker eh?...

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Mmmm, the Matron was correct, nibbles from around the known world. These jellied Oryx tongues were particularily tasty. His head was beginning to hum from the strong Roman wine, when he heard someone shout from the back of the Atrium. 'Run Alexander, Run for your life.' Turning slowly he noticed the rather large Thrax glowering at him and striding stiff leggedly right towards him, metal spike in hand. Rather absentmindedly(it must have been the strong wine) he noticed that the spike was type the Charon masked officials used in the arena to ensure downed gladiators were truely dead.

"You gotta problem with my body piercing little Greek?" Wine goblet now placed on a nearby table, Alexander stood stoicly with his hands behind his back. 'Well', he thought to himself, 'if this is my time, then so be it'.

Glowering, only inches away from Alexanders face, and waving the spike rather menacingly, Alexander thought he would use a tactic, that just might allow him to leave this party with his skin intact.

"Great fighter" he started " I realize I may have stepped over some invisible boundary, when jesting about your body 'modifications'. But let me assauge your virility with a little ditty"

The Thrax glowered. "Ditty?" You insultin' me again, hmmm?"

" Did you hear the story about the Thrax, and the Senators wife?" Alexander ventured. "Huh? no?" said the Thrax. "Neither did the Senator" winked Alexander.

A moment passed, then the Thrax broke out laughing, and pounded Alexander good naturedly on the back. " Good one little Greek". He strode off still waving the spike searching for a goblet of wine...

Alexander breathed a sigh, and headed for the Peristyle as quietly as he could. ' I will offer up a prayer of thanks to the household Lars for letting me live another day'...

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Klingan enters once again to the party after his long absents, now as a proud member of the equisterians class. At least it's looking like that he did try to get himself a decent toga, instead of those dreadful pleb clothes.

 

Carefully stepping in to avoid any atrium's that he once again may fall into he's suprised to find the very angry Thrax looking at some greek fellow. Did I leave my legions for this!? Maybe it's safer i Gaul?

 

Then the greek and thrax starts laughing and it seems all fine. Klingan walks in taking some wine, and yet again looks for the atrium. Good, it's far far away. Dangerous places those, treacherous.

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Maximus strides/staggers/wobbles over to klingan and puts a firm arm around his shoulder....." Welcome back dear boy! I see you've gone up in the world, you're looking much......errrmmm.... drier! Than the last time I saw you."

 

Maximus thrusts an over flowing goblet into Klingans hand accidentally spilling some of it's contents down his pristine new toga "Drink friend! Drink and be merry! Come Klingan let me introduce you to a couple of lovely ladies over by the impulvium"

 

Klingan follows with a look of dread on his face "Oh dear gods, not again!!"

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Doc rushes over to Klingan, rescuing him from impending wetness. "C'mere, hun, let me introduce you to Alexander of Troy, the great philosopher!"

 

Doc then shoots Maximus a look, hoping to keep him in line. "Dude...be cool..."

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Doc glides with Maximus over to the impluvium, and with a nod from Nephele, the two wily females shove the Gladiator into the impluvium!

 

"That, m'dear, is what I mean by 'be cool'!" The two women, giggling and walking toward the banquet table for more nibbles.

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The Roman General Gaius Paulinus Maximus (gladiator!! How dare you!!!) pops up from the impulvium wearing tight white swimming trunks and a pair of shades, he spots an ancient floatation device similar to the modern day Li-Lo, bobbing along in the impulvium and leaps on top of it.

 

"Is that Club Tropicana I can hear ? " he mumbles. "slave bring me a drink " he demands "and make sure it's got a cherry on a stick and a pink papyrus umbrella on the side! I can feel a pool party coming on!!!!"

Edited by Gaius Paulinus Maximus
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