I hope that everyone is reading your blog. See what happens when one goes to minisoda? One becomes an iron arsonist and a gnostic. Better one goes to the Heart of America and become an opera singer or an Albanian chef. Good money! But, if you must become an iron arsonist and collect tattoos on your bod, take up hustings in Lancaster County, penciltucky. Plenty of horses and cows to shoe. They'll love you if you get a hex tattoo on the corpus delectus. Unfortunately, those beings are quite cheap. Plenty of chocolate and shoo-fly pie; expand the bod so that you can really add tattoos.
I am quite certain that you have contracted a real hex or curse. For a small offering, I can remove it.