Gaius Octavius

It seems that things are getting a little heated here. We should act as friends. Personally, I think that secondary resources should be respected as well as the primary sources. In the primary sources cited, (to me), there seems to be an undertone of 'He is not guilty, but think about it'. "...infinitely more 'expert' on the subject matter I would argue than any of us here. Also, those same sources have been used in the past to support this argument and that argument. Therefore their statements on a particular subject are relevant are they not?" This is a valid point. I feel that the client system did exist in Rome, and that bribery in one form or another was practiced. Bribery does not necessarily mean the passing of money. Secret ballot or not, one would not wish to be on one's patron's losing side.

I was sitting cross legged in front of the radio. My elbows on my knees and my chin perched on my palms. I was listening to the Lone Ranger. I was galloping on Silver and plugging owlhoots. My reverie was rudely interrupted when I heard the two most odious words in the English language - Thamiss and school - all in the same sentence! Thamiss has plagued me all my life. Somehow it comes natural to humans. I think that it is the first word my grand-niece ever uttered. It follows me like a curse. It has always meant that I was in big trouble. I made enquiry of my loved ones as to the meaning of this evil omen. Thamiss, you're going to kindergarten. Oh, yeah!, when did this come about? Did you consult me? Do I get a vote? Yes, Thamiss, you are going to Catholic school. What? Have you lost all sense of propriety? Those nuns feed little tykes to the devil. This is not for me. Look, you keep saying to me that I'll never amount to anything but the guy who rinses off the dishes - not even the dish washer. So what's the point of school? I know everything I need to know for a life of crime. Leave things as they are and stop interrupting my programs. The Green Hornet is next. A few days later I went to sleep dreaming of a glorious day to come. Came morning, the evil word Thamiss was shouted. Get up; take a shower. Why, was I working in the mines? Go away. I need my rest. I'm only a kid. Get out of bed or the hand of doom strikes. Performed the required ablutions and then was confronted with the silliest set of clothing I ever saw. Knickers! Long socks! Eton collar! Tie! Jacket! White shirt! Brown and white saddle shoes! Do we have a visitor? Is this garb for my brother? Am I going to kindergarten or Yale? It's for you Thamiss. You're kidding. I'll never live this down. I'll be a laughing stock. How can I steal comics from Epstein? The cops will nail me 1,2,3. Thaaaamissss, get moving. This is a conspiracy. You know that this stuff is coming back shredded. Then you are going to practice karate on me. Now, I am decked out in his silly uniform; my Mother has a firm grasp on my hand and we are off to hell. Ma, there's a bug, I'm going to step on it. That's what you think. Look, a nickel. I can use it. Tomorrow. Can I play on the monkey bars one last time? You can, but you may not! Rats! We had a small park to walk through before we hit hell. One minor point before we continue. I had wild flaxen hair, surrounding a cowlick, that always looked as if it had exploded. This made it easy for adults to grab a hand full and yank my head around. This was not a secret to my Mother. She experimented as we ambled. Got to hell and was duly enrolled by Mother Superior and ceremoniously introduced at the dungeon. The girls were situate at the window. Oh!, so cute. Ribbons and bows in their hair. Played so nice with the blocks. The little monsters. To my right were my buddies. To my left some kids that we didn't know. Each gang glowered at the other. Experience taught that this did not bode well for any concerned. I gave my Mother a head start and then bolted. I beat her home by a long shot. But there was no one to play with. Only some cocooned urchins who could only dribble. Mother soon put in an appearance. I'll leave the rest to your informed imagination. After a good night's recuperation, the previous days exercise was repeated - with a pork pie hat! This time I sat with my pals. As usual, the girls were cackling. The two gangs sat in absolute silence, glowering at each other, mayhem bent. Sister took a hike. A few moments passed and the gangs were at each others throats. Collars flying. Shirts shredded. Jackets torn to rags. Who was strangling who with the ties. Somebody was trying to rip my knickers off while I was biting some guy's nose. Of a sudden, silence commenced to reign. Mother Superior had put in a cameo appearance. All four feet nothing of a woman dressed in black with starched head dress and bib. She wielded a short pointer. The boys were ordered to line up and to put their palms up. She worked that pointer like a woman possessed! Ouch! Ouch! Owww! Our hands were of no assistance for some good time. Our names were collected for further proceedings in the near future. Ah, the joy of ones first school days.

They had rivited frying pans back in those days? The Hand on the staff?

What is going on here? M. Porcius Cato is an 'Eidibus Martiis'! What is that? What does that mean? What else can he do to mankind now? Nobody consulted me! (Congratulations!, whatever it means.)

Unfortunately, I never read any of Sam's books. He was one of my favorite comedians. Always a smile on his face. Then there was a guy named Cohen who used to spoof Jewish people in Florida. Gertie, I think. The incomparable Sid Caesar (my all time favorite) with Imogene Cocoa(?). Jackie Gleason and Art Carney. Carol Burnett. Woody Allen, when he did stand up. Johnny Carson. Cosby, when he did stand up. "Can You Top This". (A radio program with three guys trying to top each other with jokes. One of them was Harry Hirshfield - Sadie DeKallb and Gertie Gowanus.) I am sure that I am missing some. I sorely miss them. They were quality of the first magnitude. Never had to be dirty. My stories really happened. Only the words embellish them. They were terrors at the time, but time heals the wounds. Have every intention of picking up one of Sam's books. It is quite a compliment to even be reminded of Sam. Be on the lookout for my next disaster.

Oh me! Oh my! I missed your birthday! In which case I'll hoist two bottles of Hoegaarden to your long happy life.

Let me get this straight. You're old enough to get a tattoo but not old enough to take a swig?

Kiddo, never buy anything that you can't put your hands on first. Doesn't e-Bay keep the money until you are satisfied with the product?

Some other gremlin became its custodian.

Nah, they missed. It was those heavy handed and footed banshees who did the damage.

Columbus may have learned about a land to the northwest from Portuguese cod fishermen. But then Columbus sailed due west. In any event, if the Vikings discovered America, they didn't tell anyone. Columbus did. Vikings may have landed on North America, but there is no record of their return.

Good point. Perhaps we should ply her with some vino? Vodka would be the ticket.

You might be referring to the fall of Constantinople. Constantine XI was offered a superior cannon by a Hungarian. He refused, and the Hungarian then offered them to Muhammed II who accepted. It was the superior cannon which is said to have decided the siege.

I would advise caution here as My Lady Sophia of the North may blow the whistle.

I feel it in my liver. Somehow the G-Man is cheating.

Had Carthage won the Second Punic War, do you think that it would have been humane and kind to Rome? Cato was spot on.

I see that you woke up all the little birdies this morning.

Put me down! Let me go!, you wild, weird, wicked woemens! Stop petting me! I'm not a doggie! Quit kissing me! You're embarrassing me. My pals are laughing at me. This is how that scene came about. During WWII, the traffic on our street was like an unending snake. Men had to get to the docks. The cross street had practically no traffic. In the event of a crash, the men simply got out of their jalopies and punched each other out. Case closed. Some politico decided that a traffic light would be to some advantage. It would also take away our entertainment. So that you will understand, there are two more items to reveal. We were good little ragamuffins. We were always helpful. One day we relieved a parky of the odious duty of caring for a basketball. We hid it in the bushes, as bringing it home would have resulted in some searching questions and the attendant thrashing. In those days, Mothers used to take their precious cares out for an airing in the morning. They would take to the benches and commence babbling. And so it was the day after our good deed. We suddenly discovered the basketball in the bushes and proclaimed to all that it was an act of God. Naturally, we commenced to play with it. Kicking it at each other seemed like a good idea. One of the guys sent the ball flying over my head and into the mudgutter. Not at all concerned about the 'snake', I went charging after it. There came about a screeching of brakes; the fetid burning of rubber; and the noisy locking of bumpers. These drivers became highly agitated. They exited their piles and started to jump up and down on the bumpers to disengage their buggies. They also were intent on providing some entertainment. Then they saw me. The entertainment was off. Some of the ugliest words - in all sorts of languages. I was appalled! Suggested that they go to confession. And also flipped them a Neapolitan salute. (No, not the bird - much too vulgar. This is an open palm flung into the air.) They understood and were besides themselves. They charged. By now the Mothers were alerted and alarmed. One of theirs in peril! They in turn counter charged. The behemoths were not about to tackle a gaggle of nasty woemens. They retreated. Then the scene first related came about. When it was ascertained that no damage had been done, the fun began."How many times have I told you not to run into the street?" (I don't know - I didn't count.) "Wait till your Father gets you." (I'd rather face him than you.) Like a school of fish, all the Mothers had at me at once. Hair pulling, kicks, punches. They finally wore themselves out and let me go. Needless to say I was somewhat groggy. My buddies were in hysterics. Oh, well, tomorrow will bring another adventure and a trip into the world of communal thrashing. Hope it's not me this time.

Thank y'all for remembering my GREAT GREAT x ? grandfather.

OK! OK! Brigantium?

If one is going to leave the forum for a while, it might be a good idea to let Primus Pilus know.

The Raetian Wall?

You two are doing a magnificent job.

Moonlapse, are you advocating a commodity based monetary system?

Welcome and good luck. (Pay no attention to me.)