caldrail

The theory abbout sarmatian knights is to lend some credibility to arthurian tales. Unfortunately, whilst an interesting theory, there isn't any hard evidence for the existence of these men in sub-roman Britain, nor do the sources from that period mention any foreign horsemen at all, nor do they suggest an elite corps. In fact, the only tangilble mention of Arthur is via Gildas, who refers to one of the welsh tyrants as having been the 'Bears Charioteer' in his youth, a connection with the name Arthur which has a root meaning 'Bear'. Arthur was by no means a king. That was the literary invention of Geoffery of Monmouth (though he might have got the idea elsewhere, his is the first mention of royalty in the 12th century). In fact, we have a man who was regarded as something of a loose cannon, if a respected one, and one gets the impression he was a somewhat ruthless warrior. "Although he was no Arthur" says one dark age writer about another man. Some people regard Arthurs existence as fictional completely, preferring to ascribe his victories to Ambrosius Aurelianus, a respectable romano-britain we have direct mentions of. The problem here is that given the dates we believe the last battle at Mons Badonicus was fought, Ambrosius was a very old man indeed, and unlikely to have commanded, though we must accept that he was a victorious leader of sub-romano-british defence against picts, scots, and saxon raiders. Part of the problem is the battles listed by Nennius have no confirmed location. We have little more than names, and we distinctly lack evidence of location. Even his most famous victory, Mons Badonicus, has been placed in almost every region of Britain, the two most likely appearing to be near Bath or Swindon. We do have some descriptions of dark age british armies however, via the welsh poets of later centuries. Although cavalry existed, they were hardly knights in shining armour, and are described as riding without helmets. I did a post on Mons Badonicus which goes into more detail... http://www.unrv.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=10750&st=0&p=102417&hl=+mons%20+badonicus&fromsearch=1entry102417 Arthur was an obscure figure to begin with, kept alive in the popular imagination by song and poetry, and prose. During the early dark ages when celtic culture reasserted itself for a while, Arthur was made the hero of the older traditional tales from the Iron Age, which had survived as an oral tradition throughout the Roman occupation, which makes him far more of a mythological figure than the somewhat less cultured person we find hints of. Worse still is the chivalric fiction of medieval times, inventing and reinforcing the connection with christianity (Including the 'Holy Grail' and the 'Lance', which turn out to be no more than literary props in medieval romances) and creating this concept of the Knights of the Round Table. Were there any sarmatian knights in Britain connected with arthurian battles? Apparently not. Although this theory received some media attention, there is little if any evidence to confirm it. Germanus of Auxerre was the last Roman leader to lead troops in the British Isles and he operated no later than c.440, some 30-60 years before Arthurs tim (and that might be incorrect too, as he fought the Saxons and crushed the Pelagian Heresy in 429 with only some dubious mentions of another visit to Britain in 440).

Caldrail, I also would like to know your sources for your earlier statment regarding deforestation. As far as the Bronze Age is concerned in every reference book I have read rather than linking this to the effects of climate change it usually attributes it to the spread of farming for which there is good archaeological evidence. Regarding a possible drop in population in Ireland on this issue the 'History Planet' blog quoting from Barry Cunliffe has some interesting suggestions regarding this though note the comments about woodland regeneration in the five centuries after about 600BCE. The climate change was unconnected with forest clearance, although the deforestation by bronze Age Irish must have impacted on their lives. After a long period of maritime climate, the enviroment was entering a drier phase that didn't favour forests as much. What we have then is a combination of factors. As I stated, information is not readily available on the shelves, but information can be gleaned from... Prehistoric Britain Timothy Darvill (Routledge) Britain BC Francis Pryor (Harper Collins) Wikipedia has the following info http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prehistoric_Ireland if you're not fussy (which I suppose you justifiably are in tis case, having challenged my sources ) Another page that illustrates the peroid is http://www.triskelle.eu/history/bronzeage.php?index=060.010.030

Hunger knows no bounds. With the cash I had left I couldn't resist steak & cheese burrito on my way home. Yes, I know, my finances are now forever ruined, but the delights of takeaway food were too much to ignore. So I ordered my early evening meal and waited for the chap behind the counter to stop mashing the ingredients. To my left the approach of a pair of lads was becoming obvious. Sometimes you just know a stranger is about to accost you, and the burlier of the two ambled slowly toward me on a parabolic curve having decided to approach me with caution. "Excuse me, mate, is this the way to the bus station?" He asked in politer terms than I expected. Sorry, but no, it's over there, back the way you've just come. "Oh." He said as he digested the bad news before turning to the takeaway chef and repeating the question. He got the same answer. Satisfied we weren't pulling his leg, he yelled at his friend "Told you! I told you it was that way. The bus station is that way!" His skeletal friend in a woolly hat shrugged and said "Yeah, I know, but I want to go this way, through town." "We're not going that way" The burly lad insisted. "The bus station is that way." And so the two weary travellers turned back the way they'd come and on toward the fabled bus station, Some distance down the street the burly lad asked someone else where the bus station was. For some reason the pair changed direction again and were walking back. By good fortune the burrito was ready and I made my escape. Completely Armless I have entered a strange space time anomaly in which I slowly metamorphose into Charlie Chaplin. My jacket has started disassembling itself. Ever the optimist, I thought I might try sewing the sleeve back on. It wasn't entirely seperated and thus it seemed possible to complete this repair job without too much fuss. Sadly my sewing skills were not up to the job. Possibly you guessed that might have been the case. So I'm left with a choice of freezing to death or going bankrupt. Which is more survivable? Oh stuff it. I'll buy that jacket, over there. Hmmmmm... Warmth..... More On That Wedding That wedding is still in the news. Now the Prime Minister is suggesting an extra bank holiday to mark the occaision. I agree. That would be great. Now all I need is a job so I can have the day off. What a master stroke. Please the public and motivate the unemployed in one stroke. There. Who says I'm always nasty to politicians. Also, since I've now confirmed myself as a government sympathiser (against my better judgement), can I have my title officially recognised? The last lot did that all the time. More On That Boyle Much to everyone's suprise, including mine, that Boyle woman has achieved more sales on her second album than expected. So much so that she's come third to the Beatles and The Monkee's for transatlantic success. Thing is though, for all her talent at singing, she doesn't compose. She doesn't sing her own material. In my book that will always make her second best, however good the sales team are at promoting her recordings.

legitimacy was based on social status, itself dependent on wealth. There was never any problem with legitimacy as such because ownership was nine-tenths of the law, The problem had more to do with authority and the ruthless competition that Roman society encouraged. The late republican Senate were more self seeking and inspired less loyalty than previous governments. Then again, it didn't matter, because once ambitious politicians realised the legion(s) would follow them against the Senate, as both Sylla and Caesar proved, it became a contest of 'might' and political feuding. It was more to do with individuals jostling for power. The legions were dragged along as muscle.

Agreed (apart from Caldrail's hint of reluctance to believe Wikipedia with all his heart and soul. It is, after all, the standard repository of all knowledge and wisdom.) I bear the scars of careless wiki-ing Actually my circumspection is that there's no direct reference to british slaves in Rome. It merely illustrated the possibility

Last night I braved the wet weather and wandered down to the internet cafe to spend a few coins. Paying for food with a credit card has some advantages even though you get funny looks from those who know you're unemployed. Along the road I passed by the premises that had been occupied by a motorcycle dealership until recently. It was always a dark and uninviting place, so perhaps it's no small wonder they left. Now the premises has been reopened as a fish market, and what a strange sight. The whole shop is brightly lit, demonstrating how large a sales space it was, and filled with row after row of shiney white freezers. That's all you see as you pass by. Funny thing is, that's not too inviting either. The starkness of it is unappealing. Little tip for the owner there. Cold! It's to be expected I suppose but the weather is getting to the point where I'll have to consider turning on the gas boiler. Although I'm not uncomfortable at night, at least not yet, I can only imagine what my downstairs neighbours would make of a burst pipe. And of all things, I hear the gas companies are turning up the prices, just in time for the freezing weather. Is that cynical or what? Yet they still send out letters telling customers they know how difficult it is to pay bills and want to help us stump up the cash.

Brutality is unfortunate facet of human behaviour, especially in socieities that are expansionist. Older, more established societies tend toward more rigid customs and regulations designed to moderate that behaviourm,, since when everything is sorted you don't want brutality in the system to rock the boat. It's still there, of course, lurking under the surface, but socieities that suppress such instincts must either achieve a balance with it or become moribund and unable to cope with those aggressive external influences that embrace such instincts. There is unfortunately a part of our psyche that enjoys brutality. Some are more prone to it than others, it must be said, but the psychological power derived from causing harm to others is one of the nastier elements of social behaviour we've inherited from our primeval roots. The ancient world was a brutal enviroment. Life was short. Only two out of five Romans lived beyond the age of twenty. Life was cheap. Slavery was commonplace and accepted practice throughout Europe and Asia. Life was risky. Disease, accident, war... There were no ambulances to wisk you to hospital, medical care was crude, usually restricted, and utterly inseperable from superstition. A lot is said about Roman brutality. With good reason, it must be said, but of course we shouldn't forget we're judging them by modern standards. Even the Romans were sometimes shocked by what they experienced or heard about regarding other cultures.

Inasmuch as the reforms did not provoke political changes, an important point to realise is that the Romans din't have a national army (sorry to harp on about that!). What they had, despite the trappings of professionalism which often gives a misleading impression, is a feudal setup. The senatorial command of the legion was not actually a career, but a political appointment. He represented the authority of Rome by virtue of his social status, not his rank in the services. That's all well and good provided the legate is loyal to Rome. The problem was that in the late republic, having achieved victory over Carthage who were no small enemy, there was no sense of limit, nor for that matter any sense of military structure for the senior command. Given there were now what amounted to organised gangs of professional thugs to be had, is it any wonder ambitious Romans sought to exploit that resource? They had already resorted to street gangs. What could be more persuasive than an army turning up at the Senate's doorstep if they didn't kowtow? Who was going to stop them? The problem with the Marian Reforms is not that he created a professional standing army, but that he didn't. He created professional legions, a number of independent mini-armies, whose loyalty ultimately fell upon the man who led them. Much is said of the behaviour of Roman soldiers in the empire, but it seeems to me that tradition was created a hundred and fifty years earlier.

I don't think it was quite that simple. Whilst I agree that Germanicus won a measure of victory against Germanic tribes after the Varian Disaster, it had limited obectives, such as recovering the lost 'eagles' and punishing the Germans enough to dissuade them from further such incidents. However we need to remember the shock the Romans felt when they discovered the slaughter site, burying the bones of man and animal together because they were inseperable. Also, and perhaps mist importantly, Roman colonisation of the German forests was all but abandoned, and former Roman towns deserted.

Almost certainly, especially after conflict. A quick search reveals this wikipedia mention which you should view with some circumspection... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Claudia_Rufina

There is one recorded instance of late empire Roman soldiers launching raids against Germanic villages for plunder at their own initiative, swimming across rivers using shields as flotation devices. I don't have the source handy but if I remember correctly, they were none too shy at slaughtering anyone who resisted. That doesn't mean these soldiers were christian however. There was after all a number of executions of men refusing military service on religious objection. I should add that Zosimus records how gothic heads were sent to Constantinople every day prior to the defeat at Adrianople.

Don't really have much to say about the last twenty four hours. It might not suprise anyone acquainted with British weather, but this morning is a dull and wet day. Even the library is quiet and well behaved. Oh yes... I forgot... I had my pocket picked yesterday. I hope the thief enjoys the tenner he took from me and please don't feel bad about letting me starve for the week. Oh Yeah... That Wedding... I suppose it's inevitable that our royal family occaisionally do something the media can't criticise them for. Most of you have probably seen the news already. It is pretty much inescapable. I'm sure the couple are happy and i wish them well, but other than that I don't care and if you'll excuse me, I'm going to wander off and find something interesting to discuss. The Taxman Gives Up Is the British economy teetering on the brink? The media says yes, the government say no. Not really sure who's the least truthful of those two, but certainly our countries coffers aren't in good shape at all. That explains my mirth this morning as I read the Inland Revenue & Customs have decided to write off loads of tax bills for 2006/7 because they got it wrong. Sadly this errors don't apply to me, and I remain well and truly taxed.

Marius was raising a levy to reinforce operations in progress and needed to complete the procedure with some haste. Since the existing available veterans were already volunteered and serving on campaign, there was no-one left (or not enough left) to form the principes and triarii, since citizens needed to requisite age and experience to be entitled to form that portion of the levy. Instead, Marius decided to take an expedient move and simply take on whatever volunteers he could find, and had them all trained with sword and shield as generic infantry. Whilst this was not a traditional method of raising troops, Marius found there were advantages to doing this, and decided to make it a standard procedure. Given his frustration at sourcing suitable troops, it then follows he opened the legions to the landless poor of Rome to ensure there would not be a shortage of recruits, and to ensure that that troops would not have to be raised in emergency every time Rome went to war.

Except at that stage they would not be perfectly formed as depicted. It remains speculation based on an unsubstatiated exprapolation of modern ideas.

There is another issue at stake here. There is something appealing to the human psyche about ordered lines of bright uniforms. That's one reason why wargaming exists as a hobby. We like the idea of organisation, and we have this generic mental image of the Romans as better organised than anyone else (which to some extent they were!) so unless one discards the popular image in an attempt to understand the era, then that's the first thing we latch onto, because we assume that's a level of understanding. I see this in all sorts of genres. People believe certain things and feel comfortable with those ideas. It takes some dedication to look at a body of knowledge objectively and say something that goes against the herd - and peer pressure is a great definer of human thought and deed, as the Romans knew well.

It's also a first example of invention. Nowehere, as far as 'm aware, do the Romans dicuss a formal manoever to replace the front rank in combat. The Romans were far more down to to earth than that. A massed sword fight is not going to be conducted with their centuries and cohorts in precise order. Although they were trained to present a persistent front (Always moving into a gap ahead of them caused by casualties, thus a 'relieved line', if somewhat less than the parade ground manoever often quoted or in this case filmed for the express rwason of impressing us with Roman organisation as opposed to representing real life behaviour), the realities of a pitched battle mitigate against such line manoevers. In conducting the 'Line Relief', there is a grave danger that an alert enemy could exploit the situation and cause chaos. There is an account of two Roman units fighting in a civil war. Neither side wants to retreat, but the constant physical exercise is demanding, so both sides pull back intermittently, catch their breath, then charge into each other again repeatedly. Think about that. Whilst unit order is important, it must have been nearly impossible to retain a parade ground formation in these circumstances, which renders a 'line relief' system as implausible. Certainly there's no mention of the manoever by the roman author, who simply stresses the aggression and relentless desire to defeat the enemy. it's an important point. Questions about the 'line relief' system revolve around the idea that the Romans are always formed up perfectly. I seriously doubt this was the case. Think about what you see on the news. Police vs rioters, which is the nearest analogy I can think of to Romans vs barbarian horde. The Police line is firm, but not fixed nor necessarily straight, and at no time do the policemen attempt to switch lines with those behind them, either closing ranks or allowing another man from behind to reinforce any gaps occuring. Armies did march over rough ground. That's a historical fact. My point is that the manoever depicted on HBO's Rome is ahistorical, and unlikely to succeed given the troops have been fighting and casualties would impede it. Further, since the Romans had to keep moving men forward to plug gaps in the line, a formal 'line relief' system was unnecessary. On the contrary. Marching is a matter of enforcing group instinct and discipline. Those who moan about it are generally those ordered to carry it out. My experience is that officers thrive on the parade ground manoevers. As to whether the Romans did, I can't say, but they certainly performed similar practises.

Perhaps the shock of cold mornings has worn off now, or perhaps the day is genuinely milder, but today is bright, sunny, and bearably chilly. On my way the Job Centre to deliver my daily excuses I stopped in the park, watching the gathered waterfowl swim back and forth vainly waiting for a passer-by to stop and throw breadcrumbs. What? On a cold day like this? I have to admit I remain bemused about how these birds don't freeze. After all, they live outdoors and swim in cold water. I suppose it's the insulating quality of their feathers. After all, I'm currently surviving the early winter by virtue of a duvet stuffed with them, but it's impressive nonetheless. My claims advisor wondered if I wasn't feeling myself. I'm sure he didn't mean anything literal, but was commenting on my apparent state of health. A bit tired, if I were honest. Punch & Judy have started banging on walls in the wee small hours in order to both entertain themselves and satisfy their east european sense of honour. I guess it keeps them happy. Cloak of Invisibility I see now that scientists are talking about manipulating the speed of light. It's been known for a long time that light travels through different transparent materials at different rates, and I recall a science fiction collection about the ramifications of doing this. The author invented 'Slow Glass', which effectively trapped light and made it possible to see an event long afterward albeit with no replay button. So a man watches his family play in the garden long after they died in an accident, or a crook is revealed as the police wait patiently for the image of his actions to emerge from the window. All us veterans of Dungeons & Dragons (Go on, just admit you played it) will remember the ubiquitous Cloak of Invisibility. A concept ripped from Tolkien's Lord of the Rings perhaps, but then, Tolkien himself drew heavily on celtic mythos when he sat down to write his stories. Now you know what Area 51 is for, and why no-one sees anything happening there. Eh? Following the student riots at Millbrook, I saw an interview with a self confessed anarchist who called for anarchists everywhere to get together and make more direct protests. Pardon me? An anarchist wanting organisation? What is the world coming to? Tear down your poster of Che Guevara young man, and hang your head in shame.

There's no need to speculate. We already know. Marius faced a shortage of veterans and could not levy a new legion in the time honoured organisation. So he made do with raw recruits, but he also noted how much simpler and straightforward it was to recruit and train every recruit to the same end - as a heavy infantryman. Therefore his reforms were partially based on his own experience of warfare, though I understand he also used other peoples ideas that were being tried at the time. Whether the reforms were necessary is difficult to answer because I'm sure Marius didn't overturn military tradition without good reason. Perhaps the most important was the seperation of land ownership and military service by allowing the landless poor (provided they were citizens) access to gainful employment. The creation of a standing army meant that the frenetic recruitment generally experienced in campaigning was less desperate, since Rome would already have men available to fight at any time. You will hear it said that the Marian Reforms allowed the resettlement of veterans in provincial or downturned areas. Whether that was intentional I don't know, but that sort of thing could have been done anyway - it just wasn't necessary in former times because the levy comprised of landowners. Also, the resettlements occured after the generals exploited this military resource for their own ambition.

An early start this morning was required. I'd even had a phone call from a claims advisor to warn me that I had to get out of bed this morning. There was no problem waking up. Punch & Judy saw to that as they left for work, making my alarm clock pretty well redundant too. As for today, a murky start, but the skies brightened, and ye gods did the temperature drop. Not actually as cold as it gets in Britain, not even frosty, but the effect was accentuated by the relatively mild if somewhat damp weather we've been having lately. It felt as if it was freezing. As for my all-important claims interview, it turned out to be another pointless exercise in bureaucracy. It seems I now have to write the same information out in triplicate. I'm not joking. Oh well, if that's what it takes to earn my meal ticket in the absence of gainful employment, so be it. Meanwhile, Back At The Library Once again I sit down for a couple of hours of free internet access. Same as every other day, but my attention was drawn to the display case on the second floor. The Science Museum has an annex up the road from where I sit typing this. Wroughton airfield stores lots of stuff, from old aeroplanes to all sorts of documents, and in previous years, my drum kit resided temporarily in one of the hangars by Red Gate (The caretakers son was one of Red Jasper's crowd of amateur roadies). Occaisionally they let the library display some of their treasures. Mostly old books, some hundreds of years old, and a patent of nobility from Henry VIII's reign was in there for a while. Today, I spotted some ephemera from the golden age of airships. Photos of R100 in flight and construction, but there was something better than that. A menu, an incomprehensible card document in germanic language and script, and a pair of colour printed tickets from the airship Hindenburg dated to 1936. The sense of occaision these vessels must have engendered, not to mention encouraged by the aviation industry, was almost palpable. A pair of tickets to South America with colour pictures of the Hindenburg illustrated above all else what a big deal it was. Now all gone in a puff of smoke.

Probably not, but bear in mind these people are conducting an armed struggle for their own aggrandisement as much as any political principle, and to survive against stronger and better organised forces, they adopt terror tactics. This isn't a new phenomenon at all. Although it has a cultural colour, similar strategies have always been part of armed conflict. Remember the Romans always said you should never be taken prisoner by the Galatians. It's a question of expedience and perception. Who are your enemies? To western minds, the casual slaughter of civilians is usually unacceptable, but not just for any chivalric or humane reasons - it's also a matter of propaganda, because there is a need to be seen as morally superior to your opponent, and the modern media loves nothing more than scandal. The point about discipline is true of today, but that's applied to modern standards. The Romans weren't bound by our limits. Whilst their discipline was brutal, it created brutal men, and the Romans wanted that. They were a very macho people to begin with, very martial-minded, and had little or no time for humanity when it obstructed a potential victory. Further, the Romans were prone to allowing their men to loot and pillage in some circumstances. That was to keep the men happy as much as crush the enemy. Roman soldiers expected booty from war, and expected their leaders to provide oppportunities for it. That tradition began earlier. Arena combat and the spectacles resulting from it where already big business by the time of the Caesars. However that doesn't detract from your point. Blood sports involving live combat for public entertainment was a unique phenomenon as far as I know. Death against a wild animal was a much older idea, although only the Romans turned it into an industry.

I find it strange he manages to trace his way home, but then he can afford to pay people for that (Sorry, Ozzy, love the music) DNA is all very well, but there are other means of tracing ancestory. Somethimes clues are found in the name. For instance, mine suggests that a dim distant ancestor was a land-holder beholden to no-one else until William the Conqueror did away with such fuedal anomalies. Never did like the French

A few years ago, a guy at work told me what the Polish were like to live with. He resided in a rented room, in a property shared with a number of Polish people. He told me of the attitude they were prone to, and the shenanigans they adopted if they didn't get their own way. For my part, I took it with a pinch of salt. Perhaps my colleague was unlucky and his co-habitees were not the most genial sort of people to begin with. I didn't assume he was right about the behaviour of a nation. Now I'm starting to wonder. There's a sort of old fashioned male dominance going in with the Poles in my area. It's as if they assume they have no reason to respect anyone else unless they're at risk of getting a fist in their face, and even then, they relish the prospect of another challenge to their manhood. It's all very feral and if I was honest, a bit depressing. Come on Poland, catch up with the twenty first century, please? Round Two My neighbours are back on form. After a period of relative calm following my complaints (and my rebuttal of theirs), they're back to normal, which means the woman is given an excuse to jabber and hoot excitedly for six or seven hours without drawing breath. I have to be honest, she isn't my idea of a fun person to spend time with. So why did she bang on my wall last night? Was she in the mood to start an argument? Or was that an attempt to prove some sort of social superiority? All she's done is demonstrate what I said in the first place, that they're selfish self-absorbed youngsters who believe they can do as they like if they can get away with it. The trouble is they charm the pants off the letting agent. So for the time being I have to put up with the Punch and Judy show next door. Under Cover This morning I wandered into the bathroom somewhat bleary eyed after my neighbours decided it would be fun to bang doors. Through the decorated glass I could see a white shape where no white shape should be. What on earth is that? A parked car? If so, what happened to mine? I opened the window and looked out to see a heavy duty plastic sheet heaped on top of my car. Why? Why is that there? What idiot decided that dumping a plastic sheet on my car is going to make it any more presentable? Or is this another stunt by a certain someone who's already complained my car is parked in the space I pay rent for? Wet and... This morning was an odd sort of start to the day. It was grey and gloomy, as you expect in november, but on the horizon was a layer of darker cloud, which with the low lying clag, gave the impression of hills and mountains in the distnce. A very peculiar optical illusion. Now of course the cloud has thickened and it's started raining. I'm under no illusion about that.

I seriously don't think a rehearsed chorus line of actors represents adequate proof of something that isn't documented in Roman sources. I notice that Brady, like any good officer of the 40's, stresses parade ground precision. I do have objections to this. Firstly, by what mechanism did the front rank realise they were all sufficiently tired and weakened? They were facing the enemy. They were busy in a sword fight. As for the centurion, he was likely in the front rank along with them, and there's no guarantee he was able to observe and command objectively. Secondly, Brady may well be assuming a pyramid commnd structure as he was used to. There is no direct evidence I know of that the Romans used such a system, and the structure of the legion suggests otherwise. Although the Romans stressed individual initiative, it's clear from the sources that there was little of it in practice, and indeed, Roman soldiers who did take the initiative were as likely to be laughed at by their mates. Thirdly, Brady was trained in a different methodology of fighting and his assumptions about how the battle line begaves is a little fanciful. He does not metion how this line relief system dealt with dead and injured legionaries obstructing the process, nor how it coped with rough ground. Fourthly, if, as Brady hints at himself, the relief of the fighting line was done ad hoc, and not by general order, this does not represent a practised drill but simply common sense if you want to present a durable front against the enemy. If Brady was studying battlefield tactics from Caesars time, does he quote where he got this information? Why is Brady regarded as such an informed source?

Just to prove that remote areas of the United States are not the only desirable place for alien invasions, we have one of our own, with a real live Dalek in the library. I can hear it warbling downstairs. For around five seconds the gathered children were stunned into silence. With the harsh distorted voice we expect of malicious pepperpots armed with rayguns, it said "I only want to be loved. I came to your planet because I thought you were caring. How wrong can a Dalek be? Exterminate!!!!" At least the parents fell over laughing. Once the kids had recovered from the suprise of seeing the Dalek actually move and communicate in front of them, they all started screaming requests for some sign of recognition. The Dalek of course is uniquely unable to wave hello, and thus the children are traumatised forever, learning that not all toys are soft and comfy. The naughty kids soon gained precedence, yelling to to demand attention from the alien invader, and starting arguments with the harassed space being, who asked them not to shout. I have a sneaking feeling the Dalek desperately wanted his raygun to work. "I will destroy the building!" Claimed the Dalek. Really? There was a time when they routinely threatened to destroy our planet. All that wasted effort. All they needed to do was build a Carbon Dioxide Plant and we were all doomed. Of course the 'pepperpot' is only a machine to carry the mutated creature inside it. The original Dalek was a green slimey squidgy thing with distended tentacles. The newer Dalek resembles a cyclopean octopus. It has to be said, we humans far prefer fluffy animals in general. Daleks lack the cute factor. They also lack the winning streak. After decades of experience in dealing with them, I'm pleased to announce that humanity has risen to the challenge of the library invasion. Poor Dalek. He doesn't stand a chance against those kids... Pretty Faces My daily ritual involves waiting to sign on. Claimants come and go, some happy, some morose, mostly shabby rejects of society by circumstance or choice. By and large the ladies are not what you'd call attractive. Women have an unfair advantage in the workplace. If they're at all attractive, they get preferential treatment from the boss, something I lost out to once as a young woman got promoted over my head because she was slightly sexier than me. Yesterday I sat there among the throng of quiet claimants. A couple of ladies emerged into view. Actually, they weren't bad, much more desirable than the usual working class harridans shoving their offspring here and there with frustrated barking orders.. Little things like pretty faces can change your entire day, but wait, hold the bus, who is that? An oriental lady stepped into the office. Apart from some natural shyness, she was charismatic, utterly gorgeous, and dressed to kill. I hope the government understand I now have an excuse to carry on claiming.

Beep... Beep... Beep... The old womans mobility buggy goes into reverse gear for the seventh time as she fails utterly to negotiate the wide open space of the library lounge. Now she's stuck between shelving units with ten feet to spare. That kind of sets the tone for the day. Oh hang on again, she's reversing again.... Okay, she's moved a few feet. That'll keep her happy for a a few minutes until she works out where she is. But as I was saying, today is proving to very annoying. One of the other computers has the volume turned right up, and every so often the Microsoft Windows Theme Tune manages to be soothing and irritating at the same time. The asian couple in the next cubicle are busy planning their lives, two ladies are jabbering away about how to to use a computer in another, and guess what? Mr Fidget has turned up. My day is complete. It all began early last night with the wind howling outside. Sleep? Not possible. it wasn't helped when I was roused from my semi-comatosed state by some idiot knocking on a window outside. Don't know whose exactly, and I don't care. Go away. Bad News For The Lazy The big news item last night wasn't the diplomatic mission to persuade the Chinese to be nice and democratic, nor the explosions in Pakistan, nor the hatred directed toward BP's former boss. It was the new rules for benefit payments. Apparently a politican has decided that if a claimant refuses work he can have his payments stopped for up to three years. Three strikes and you're penniless. Although the severity of these penalties is designed to dissuade the workshy from making lame excuses to stay idle, I have to say that the Department of Work and Pensions have already had similar powers for some time. Back in 2003 I signed a jobsearching agreement that stated a refusal to accept an offer of employment was liable to cause problems. My gripe isn't that there are severe penalties, but rather there's a growing assumption that the unemployed are idle by choice. So where are all these new jobs and community projects going to come from? It isn't often I agree with the Labour Party, and I know it's all political sabre rattling, yet I can't help feeling the real savings are going to be made by creating scapegoats.