caldrail

Common misconception that people in historical martial arts have often corrected(and I myself was once believed this claim) You missed the point. Dirty fighting in any period including the Roman always goes on, but that doesn't qualify as a martial art. What the 'people in historical martial arts' conveniently forget that fighting as an art is not about violence on the battlefield, nor even the alleyways, but a method of physical efficiency and self-improvement. Does come in handy sometimes I guess, but a little ahistorical for the cultures we've discussed.

No sooner had I asked where the wet weather was than it turns up on my doorstep. It's a dreary dull morning here in the rainforests of Darkest Wiltshire, though I should say it's stopped raining just this last few minutes ago. It seems I chose the right day for my hike. Yesterday I stopped for a breather in a small out-of-the-way field to enjoy the sunshine and the little enclave of rural bliss that is Horse Meadow. Four horses quietly grazed elsewhere. White, bay, black, and a curiously unsocial palomino stared at his colleagues as they wandered slowly across the finely cropped grass. Eventually the horses migrated across the field in search of nourishment, or as they got closer, curiosity as to what this human being was doing. They were a little unsure of whether to approach or not, and eventually the palomino plucked up the courage to say hello. To be honest, the sight of a horse, albeit not a particularly big one, looming over me as I sat in the sun was a bit intimidating. I had no choice but to stand up. The horse, finally satisfied I wasn't going to feed it or ride it, decided to investigate my rucksack. Oh no you don't! I'm not going through that again! Fares Up Again Citizens are outraged. Letters are being written. Journalists are rubbing their hands at another scandal. It seems the bus fares are being increased today and no-ones happy about it. Not only that, some bus routes are being discontinued. If this carries on we'll be riding horses again. At least until the government realise and tax them. Caught Red Faced talking about the council, it seems they've been striving to stamp out unwanted srtreetside adverts. Apparently you need planning permission for those, which involves many forms to fill, offices to visit, people to beg uselessly to. How amusing that the council have caught one of their own facilities advertising their services on a banner without permission. Ooops. Local History i saw a fascinating article about an archaeological dig at Lydiard Park, the grounds of a stately home not far away. Considering the era was only the last century calling it archaeology seems a bit exaggerated, but it's interesting nonetheless. Apparently, like many other lcountry estates, it was taken over by the military in the Second World War. used as a training base for the Home Guard, then assigned to the US Army, then after D-Day used as a POW camp until 1948, when it was turned into temporary housing until 1961. Can you imagine living in a community of crude nissen huts in a muddy field? Sometimes it feels like I've got it bad today. Stories like this remind me I haven't.

Did 'The Pits' really exist, like modern cage fighting? There's no evidence of pit fighting in the Roman Empire. The audience liked to see what was going on. A pit was too restrictive. Wasn't there a real life Gladiatorial legend called Crixus, or something similar? Crixus was a fellow trainee along with Spartacus and one of the three chosen leaders of the breakout, who later argued with Spartacus, went his own way, and was killed in action against the Romans shortly after. Martial recounts the inaugral event at the colosseum and I believe a gaul called priscus was one of the champions celebrated. Further info here... http://www.csun.edu/~hcfll004/Martial-Colosseum.html Would the childless widow of a Dominus really 'be forced to re-marry'? That would depend on whether there was any inheritance or political issues that commended a further union. It isn't beyond belief that something like happened (I can't think of an instance) because women were the property of fathers, guardians, or husbands. A woman on her own? Unthinkable. Yet we do know that some women in the empire were functionally independent, such as a woman in Pompeii who ran a business after her husband died, though in fairness we know she was courted with a view toward marriage.

That idea has been mentioned before. It just doesn't work for me. Whilst it might sound militarily sound, it ignores politics. We're used to a clear social division between the two - for the Romans, they were part and parcel of the same thing. In any case, with victory so clearly within sight in the remotest frontier, why on earth would the Romans even contemplate removing troops from a hostile theatre of war, without any security established, to march across europe? For all practical reasons, the war in Dacia was an entirely seperate campaign and even if it did influence Agricola's efforts to conquer Caledonia, chances are it was only an excuse to prevent the man from returning to Rome as a popular conqueror by the paranoid Domitian. Remember that Agricola was asked by Domitiioan whether he wanted a triumph. Agricola wisely refused. The whole thing would have been a stunt to discredit the general and provide an excuse for disempowering him in some way.

:D Jackie Chan in plate mail? I don't think so. The upper class of medieval society bore arms in a fashion particular to themselves. Whilst it was sometimes viewed a sign of competence to employ lower class weapons (such as a knight demonstrating his ability with a bow and arrow), to fight like a common peasant in a bar room brawl is completely foreign to their mindset. I do agree that a real melee might be less than chivalrous, but that doesn't change the nature of beast - or the culture that breeds them. Actually, the modern sense of chivalry evolves from medieval romances, which are exaggerated versions of the rulebook. However, we no longer have any real use for chivalric values other than politeness especially since the social order that was supposed to live by those rules no longer has the same direct ruling function it once had. Further, the rules of chivalry were only set as a standard late in the medieval period when the whole thing was wrapped up increasingly in fantasy anyway. In that sense you're right. However, that does not justify your view that knights fought in an ahistorical manner.

For me the problem is that much of fantasy fiction is based on some very weak principles. Can you imagine powerful spellcasters being allowed to wander around like loose cannons? Or becoming foci of evil and sorcerous territory? Okay these stories are fantasy, but it tends to read like Superman with swords, or sometimes like Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Elf. I don't believe that a historicalesque setting is necessary. What matters is that the society depicted is shown to have some sort of class structure (a feature of human civilisation everywhere), checks and balances, and some sort of inner credibility. Human interaction is complex and always there are consequences for every action. then again, a good author will sometimes throw the rulebook in the bin and let prose do the talking. Michael Moorcock has done that succesfully for years.

After much tapping of fingers, I believe savate evolves from experience of oriental forms during the French colonisation of India/Indo-China. The more I think about the less it sounds likely that we can assign a direct ancient origin. After all, 'martial arts' was an eastern phenomenon with modern enlargement in popular culture. I would be careful about the sources that suggest an earlier western origin. It might well be urban myth.

With a quiet wednesday looming and more good weather to enjoy, the temptation to head for the hills was too much. In the early hours of this morning I packed my rucksack and set off into the gloomy twilight. The sun had barely risen a couple of degrees, so only between gaps in the urban landscape did that amber glow light up the sides of trees and houses. The problem with hiking at this time of year is getting comfrotable. The early morning often brings a biting chill, as indeed today it did, and the sun warms all too easily. So one minute you're freezing, the next you're sweating. The experts would immediately suggest I use layers of clothes to control my comfort zone. Oh great. So I have to stop every ten minutes and change my clothes? This is a hike for crying out loud, not a fashion show. Usually I find a compromise and put up with sweat. Rather that then suffer cold. But where shall I go today? Due to my health concerns I haven't been hiking lately so perhaps my fitness isn't at its peak. And worse, my medication specifically lists tiredness as a possible side effect. Okay, Liddington Hill it is. Not too far, albeit a steep climb, and a destination well within my abilities even with a heavy load and weakness pills. As it happened, Liddington Hill was closed off because the farmer was grazing his herd of cows on the hillside. Luck of the draw there, I'm afraid, so I settled for the glorious view of the Og valley and surrounding landscape. Mister And Misses Bull While I sat taking in the panorama of rural Wiltshire, I was all too aware of the herd of cows gathering at the wire fence to see what this human being was up to. Hey, I'm just sittting here - are your lives that dull? Oh. I see. Okay, well carry on looking then. As it happens, one bull of the two I spotted among the herd decided that watching me was boring and that he fancied bovine sex, like bulls do. Unfortunately the bull decided to mount his male colleague. I don't know if the farmer is aware he bought a gay bull, but I think the other bull does. HI These What is going on? All of a sudden people are saying hello to me. People wave to me across the street. A lady called me "handsome" as she passed on the library stairs. Just this morning I had two friendly greetings from young ladies, and that's on my way home from Liddington Hill, all sweaty and looking like I'd been dragged through a bush. Not that I'm complaining of course. I just wish I knew who these people were.

The gauls fought as pretty much any other iron age tribespeople. They yelled in a bloodcurdling fashion, rushed forward with a sword, and based their attack on intimidation and slicing motion. Don't underestimate the importance of the sword in celtic mythos. Such weapons often carried a mystical status, sometimes even magical, and form a popular sacrifice in water to find favour with the gods. With this sort of peer example, the less bold would nonetheless seek to emulate their heroic and daring warrior leaders in a similar manner, except perhaps as a mass rather than indivuidually. So in battle you would see the braver ones rush forward to attack, retreating again if necessary, but emboldening their colleagues if the attack proves succesful. Now, as to where this Savante comes in, I'm not sure. There's no mention I know of in ancient texts of such a fighting style (have you checked out the Basque angle? - Just a thought) and in all honesty, it does not appear to have been a great influence in medieval times either. Let me suggest however that Svanate might have had an early origin as a deviant form of wrestling/boxing in post-Roman times as the tradition of fighting publicly for sport continues and no longer adheres to the standards set by Rome. That's only my speculation - I would be curious to see if it proves valid. Although the tribes varied in character, Julius Caesar reports that Gauls, Belgae, and Germans all named themselves 'celts'.

In the many news reports I've browsed through lately, I spotted one modest story that Britain is drying up. All this good weather comes at a price which means the lack of rainfall is going to cause the hosepipe bans and frantic questions in the Houses of Parliament. Curiously enough a recent television report showed a reservoir with dwindling water levels. Time to panic? Apparently not. Despite expert advice and lessons of the past, no-one seems particularly interested that our summer might prove as much of a trial as our last winter was. A couple of days ago I strolled through the park as I sometimes do. The water level is indeed very low, lower than I remember it ever being. A flock of confused geese swim slowly back and forth as their former places to launch begging raids on passing human beings are no longer low enough for them to clamber out of the lake. Mind you, the couple of days of rain we had lately have had an astonishing result. The foliage along the yard and the alleyway beyond has veritably exploded into growth. The trees are in full blossom and now overhang the fence, never mind sprouting along the bottom edge, and pushing roots through the tarmac. Thornbushes are sending branches out like Pinocchio's nose under police questioning. Today? Yet another fine day, abeit a bit blustery. The weather map every evening shoes bands of blue assaulting the country in waves. So where is it? The Big Cosmetic Issue Among other reports is an article about which make-up men hate most in their partners. My choice is make-up you notice. Sublety, ladies, sublety.... Please... I promise to close the toilet seat... From The Past - In Colour Like many people I tend to think of former times as essentially black and white, because photographs of those times are invariably without colour. Lately though I stumbled across a collection of colour photo's taken in America during the forties. Interesting stuff. There's a general shabbiness about rural towns with all sorts of stuff piled here and there. Seeing people caught in everyday life makes the period more alive than the sanitised Hollywood version I'm used to. Which brings me to a darker side of that period. Not the war, though the evidence of that period is noticeable by the pictures of training aricraft and posters displaying the latest news from around the world, written in a style that would seem laughable today. No, it was the realisation that some of the pictures depicted the everyday lives of negroes of the time. Free, as citizens, but still very much second class. I looked at the front of a tin shack used as a bar for non-whites, without windows, or indeed without any obvious sign that it was a bar at all apart from a couple of drinks adverts (one of which featured a happy negro waiter I notice). I have no gripe about this period. It was all before my time and America sorts it's own social issues, but nonetheless the oddly third-world squalor was in no doubt.

Yeah? Please send me all your cash if you're going to leave it behind. Waste not, want not....

Caught off guard? They were led deliberately into a prepared ambush by Arminius himself. In any case, the germanic tribes did not inflict any great defeat of the reprisal mission led by Germanicus, nor did they effectively fend him off, preferring to avoid confrontation (I wonder why?) Arguably Germanicus actually achieved very little. However, the Romans were rattled by their failure to colonise and tax-farm the region. Augustus had been given a serious fright and remember he told Tiberius never to attempt the same. The idea that the Romans needed serious resources to conquer or colonise Germania doesn't sound right to me. Most resources would have been obtained locally at no great cost. The whole point to grab whatever cash the german tribes could gather, not to make a commercial loss on the frontier from the planning stage. That Augustus thought the tribes were ready for taxing suggests that development was proceeding to plan, and since the idea was spend money bribing citizens of Rome with games and civic improvement (both of which Augustus boasts of), it's unlikely he would have wasted any cash to begin with. The Augustan Franchise was a sheme by which poor areas were re-vitalised throughout his empire. It had the advantage of occupying some thirty legions of redundant troops left over from the civil wars. It also meant that development was funded by the local economy, not the imperial purse. His whole rationale was to profit from military redundancy and to exploit areas considered less profitable.

Roman logistics were certainly better organised than most others of their era, though I suspect today we would grimace at the poor and corrupt record-keeping, not to mention the interference of civilian merchants who were part of a ruthless and rapacious commercial system, or for that matter, the extent of personal profit from legionaries who sold supplies illicitly. However good or bad it may have been, the Romans did not record what legionaries thought about the supply situation. However we can't discount the possibility that irt fell short of expectation - Evidence from Vindolanda and the hints of Tacitus concerning mutinies suggest military logistics were less reliable than we might expect.

The Gauls are reported as fighting battles in a particular style which doesn't include kicks of this kind. Perhaps the art evolved from wrestling/fighting as sporting contests?

Military credibility had been a part of political life in Roman culture for many centuries befor Antoninus Pius became Caesar. Furthermore, since the title of Roman overlord was that of a former dictator for life with a number of conquests on his achievement list, it therefore follows that Antoninus had little choice but to seek the same military credibility. To prove himself worthy as it were. Emperors often display this attitude, most obviously by Claudius whose invasion of Britain was little more than a massive publicity stunt. Antoninus Pius was not a military man. He never left Italy during his reign, which was considered all the more favourable by Roman elite because he did so little to upset them. The question then is not why an advance into Caledonia was ordered, but at whose instigation? Was it Antoninus who thought up the scheme? Or was it suggested by a senior Roman, either to curry favour with his ruler or perhaps because Antoninus asked him to find him a suitable campaign to cement his status? Or was the commander acting entirely at his own cognizance and attempting to further his career with a campaign initiated at his own initiative? Clearly the Romans were indifferent about their new conquest. Nice farmland it may have been, but like all undeveloped areas, it held little for the Romans to exploit. Their earlier efforts at colonisation of the wilderness had ended in disaster and that lesson wasn't lost on them. One of the major restrictions on Roman expansion was that they were running out of regions with estabnlished settlements and infrastructure. Apart from the Persians I suppose, but then the Persians weren't keen on submitting to Roman rule and were a powerful empire in their right. What we have then is a campaign designed either to hold territory temporarily. Or was it? Since Hadrians Wall was a security boundary more than a national border, we have to accept the possibility that local commanders were reacting to what they perceived as a threat to security on the northern edge of british provinces, much like Israel has conducted temporary invasions and occupations in the modern era to secure boundaries and control hostilities. In order to satisy this question it;s necessary to discovver whether there were any known security threats on the border, or whether this was a show of arms designed to impress the Roman elite, any of whom might have been willing to promote a coup if Caesar showed weakness.

I have not fully understood why the Romans weren't able to do with Germany what they did with Gaul, i.e. romanize them. They didn't Romanize anyone. That's a fallacy. What the Romans did was present latin culture as a package and suggest that things would work better for them if the complied and got along. It was always the choice of the native whether he did things as Romans do. In fairness, the campaigns of Caesar against the Gauls had convinced them that cooperation was a better idea. The Gauls recognised the Romans were stronger and got with the winning team. On the other hand, the Gauls of Caesars day were not the fierce warriors who had sacked Rome and spread across Europe and into Asia Minor. Caesar hints at their lack of warrior credibility in his account of the war, and in fact, the poor performance of his Aedui allies (who preferred not to risk their expensive and beloved horses) forced Caesar to train some of his men as cavalry, before the horse contingent was returned to the standard legion in the Augustan Reforms. The germanic tribes on the other hand did not settle in quite the same way as Gauls. Whereas the gauls had begun to create the skeleton of urban life anyway (and thus were more conducive to the Roman way), germainc tribes were wilder in style. Whereas the Gauls had more or less ceased raiding (other than bullying travellers into paying tolls), the germans continued throughout the existence of the empire. This is something that some Romans sneered at. The Gauls, having agreed to cooperate and discovering the advantages of Roman life, adopted it wholesale. They were not however at the cutting edge of Roman society and being descended from barbarians, a proportion of Roman society would always sneer at them. In fairness, I don't see much of that. Tacitus for instance conserves his venom for the Britons and their clumsy attempts at aping their betters. But not always uncooperative. Remember that Roman foreign policy during the empire was to play one german tribe against another. The persistence of confrontation had more to do with differences in wealth between two cultures. For the germans, the relative bounty of the empire was a permanent temptation. The differences between the two cultures was reinforced by geography - espially the Rhine - but also because both were essentially martial cultures whose warrior pride did not take kindly to surrender of principle. In fact, you might claim with some justification that the Romans actually maintained the germanic tribes as enemies because of their failures in diplomacy but also an unwillingness to treat the tribes with equal status.

My usual Monday ritual begins at the Job Centre. Walk in, pass by the swarm of security guards as they appraise me for terrorist capability, and ascend the steps to my assigned floor where I sit and wait for an interview... And wait... This appears to be the latest wheeze designed to catch me out. No searching the database for vacancies, just sign and go after a long wait. Presumably this will lull me in to a false sense of laziness. "Sorry to keep you waiting." The gentleman said as he led me to his desk. That's okay. I'm getting used to it. Not A Fluffy Add-On Cameron is thumping his fist and telling us all that his vision of a 'Big Society' is not a fluffy add-on. Correct it isn't. It's a slogan, designed to inspire some sort of response from the apathy that is british life. There's a sort of messianic quality to this sort of politics. It becomes a sort of religious sermon. After the disappointments of this weekend I have to ask myself whether politics and religion are any different. Both promise much and fail to deliver. So without any real policies and ideas to make Britain a better place, Cameron tries to get us to do it for him. In fact, I qualify as one of Camerons zombies, rising from the grave to work again. Come to think of it, zombies get a raw deal. I mean, all the films and television shows portray them as evil mindless killers hell bent on world domination. Most of the zombies I know have lost all sense of purpose. Some drift into a very real zombie-hood. Some drift into a dark and mysterious lifestyle that the government agencies hunt down and destroy. Me? I'm still trying to push the coffin lid up through the dirt. After all, I'm not a fluffy add-on either, despite the opinions of some zombies in my area. I have accrued years of experience of groaning and smelling badly in public places. But you see, in this cut throat world of cataclysmic change, it's the fluffy add-on security blanket that people want and need. Jesus Is A No-Show Hands up anyone who got raptured this weekend?... No, not sex with the missus, I mean vanishing into thin air leaving behind all your worldly goods. No-one? No-one at all? They say you shouldn't mock the afflicted. My horoscope for today says I'm putting other peoples needs to the fore, and that I should waste no more time with dogs barking up the wrong tree. I'd be happy to if they'd stop barking at me.

That's because they didn't have much in the first place. The Romans generally felt that Germania wasn't worth conquering. It was relatively backward and poor. Not a whole lot of plunder or money there. The Romans were colonising germanic forests, not conquering them. Evidence has come to light of Roman towns much further beyond the Rhine than previously considered, abandoned after Arminius led an uprising. So in fact, the Romans had every reason to maintain control of the area and with other regions including mainland Europe, Augustus was revialising the declining parts of the empire by rwe-colonisation. In any case, the assignment of Varus is a fairly obvious attempt to accrue as much tax revenue as possible. He was sent there by Augustus for that purpose. Turning Rome into marble wasn't cheap.

Ah yes... The scene in Douglas Adams Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy where Ford Prefect entices Arthur Dent away from saving his cottage from demolition and down to the local pub for an emergency last beverage before stowing away on a passing Vogon Destructor Fleet. For those of you who haven't read my last entry (shame on you), May 21st is Vogon Demolition Day. That's today. yes, it's the end of the world. So I recommend everyone pops down the pub and thumbs for a lift from any UFO's in the neighbourhood. Douglas Adams instructions for survivng the end of the world are quite clear on the procedure. Mind you, if you haven't made friends with that annoying wierdo over the last few years don't blame me if you can't find a seat to another planet. On the down side, it is a saturday, so getting to the bar might be difficult if you leave it to the last minute. Don't worry about your home. If the Vogons don't obliterate it I'm sure some natural disaster will while you're out, and I do see their are people taking this warning seriously by quitting their jobs in expectation of the final day. Quite a nice for it, really... It Is Written It's kind of funny how people so easily believe things. Like hordes of Americans fleeing to the hiolls in 1938 because Orson Wells broadcast a version of War of the Worlds on radio. There are people who believe Dan Browns books are documentaries about real life. Or that a fictional prop is actually the Cup of the Last Supper. Or that Hitler is still alive in Argentina. Or that the CIA are responsible for world terrorism. Or that modern hatchbacks are fun to drive. We believe these things because we're easily fooled. Not me of course. I'm much more sensible. So if you'll excuse me, I want to get revenge on the world by finding Saurons One Ring from the bottom of the River Danube. No really. Tolkien based his stories on real life history. No , he did... He really did... Mind you, given today is Big Earthquake Day (boy, am I going to look dumb if it actually is!), I think I'd better not delay. See you later, hapless minions...

It didn't stop Rome in its tracks - it forced a retreat. But do bear in mind why the Romans were there. The occupation of territory across the Rhine wasn't about territorial conquest or the glory of Rome - it was about cash. Augustus sent a man known to be greedy to collect taxes. The German tribes didn't like it and you could in fact see the Germanic/Roman relationship from that point on as not so much a cultural conflict, but more a contest about wealth. I'm not sure I would exactly, but the motives for conflict on both sides were almost always revenue related.

I have no idea if Vegetius was right about the balearics inveting slings (I suspect they didn't - the use was very widespread in very ancient times). I do however accept the balearics were pretty good at. However, the interesting thing is that 'recruits' (an undefined term here but one referring to Roman employment I presume) are taught to use them. What we have in essence is troops employed by the Romans as slingers, and anyone seeking to join these allies who doesn't actually know how to use a sling is brought up to speed either by official command or by their colleagues - probably a bit of both. Although it's tempting to think of the Romans as using training techniques familiar to us as a matter of course, somehow that doesn't fit the general picture. vegetius was after trying to accentuate the idea that such training was necessary (it was, in his day, desperately) and thus exaggerates the point.

Another reason for the differences is that it suited the patron of whichever revision was made. After all, the earliest Bible was no more than a censored and authorised collection of existing books which may or may not have had any degree of provenance. One might ask why the original versions of the Bible weren't unified and written as a coherent whole. In my view, this was done to avoid debates such as we're having here. You see, if the texts are collected and bundled together, the tale is coloured by viewpoint and attempts to create the illusion of truthfulness. Since it was the Council of Nicaea in 325 that decided what was or wasn't heresy (give or take the odd debate) we can point to the attempted unification of christian belief in the reign of Constantine as the major impetus behind constructing the biblical 'integrity'. However, as mentioned above, the water is muddy.

Oh look. It's the end of the world again. Someone has worked out by complicated mathematical formulae based on a date arrived at by a medieval monk (no doubt according to complex mathematical formulae too) that the end of the world takes place on May 21st. So if anyone fancies the pretty girl in the office and never had the courage to make a pass, better get a move on. Time is running out. Joking aside though, how you would you spend your last 24 hours on earth? This subject came up with the guy running the job club this afternoon, which is why I discovered the world was ending. Ignorance is bliss it seems. Anyway, I went into my usual denounciations of idiocy and dishonesty regarding predictions from religious sources. "Chill, man..." He said in his laid back East Indies style, "Go somewhere, do something, spend your money and have a great time..." Yes, but that's you. Your character. Not everyone would want to party the rest of their life away. "Why? Why wouldn't they want to enjoy their last day?" Because some people would want to come to terms with their existence ending tomorrow. "Nah." He replied. "No time for that." Never mind, it's all round to Mr J's house for partying on down until the world suffers an earthquake of biblical proportions and the universe catches fire. Hey, that's what the prediction is. Don't blame me if the party ends like an episode of Thunderbirds. "Nah. I ain't got any money in the bank anyhow." People never learn, do they? Ever since mankind discovered religion and learned how to preach, the end of the world was going to happen tomorrow. Except, as we all know, tomorrow never comes. So anyone waiting for the Rapture will just have to wait a bit longer. And the only Tribulation I'm going to get is more bills and red tape. What is the point of making a successful prediction for the End of the World? I mean, saying 'I told you so' is a waste of time if no-one is left alive to get irritated about it. You can't become rich and famous when the universe goes up in smoke, the dead rise, and Jesus invites the meek to bail out. Hang on a minute... Didn't Jesus say the meek would inherit the Earth? Inherit what? A post-apocalyptic ruin of a world in a universe made of charcoal? But why am I worrying? A recent study suggests half the bible is a forgery anyway. With a bit of luck, I'll be in the half of the universe that doesn't end in disaster. That said, I live in Swindon. The odds are not good. The New World Astronomers are claiming they've discovered a habitable world twenty light years away. As holiday destinations go, it might not be the best. The journey time is going to be somewhat excessive (once in a lifetime visit and return tickets extra), and although the world should be on the cold side, the proportion of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere calls for very, very warm experience. If that wasn't enough, the gravity is about twice as strong as ours, so falling over drunk is twice as likely to get you into Accident & Emergency. But why bother? The universe is going to burn up in a day or two so we're told. So unless you had the foresight to build your own interstellar ark by now, you might as well cancel your holiday plans. Another Alien Invasion I've been warned that aliens are descending on north Swindon shortly. No, that's not some crackpot prediction made by complex mathematical forumlae, but a news item from a charity that mounts these invasions to raise money for good causes. Which is pretty much the excuse used for all invasions since the dawn of Dr Who. I wish the Daleks well in their attempt to exterminate North Swindon and hope it raises oodles of cash for the good cause.

It would be, except that the term 'German' was invented by the Romans as a term describing certain tribes as a group. The modern national identity didn't exist back then - Arminius had to bring the tribes together to cooperate against the Romans and the underlying differences still existed, especially since there was no significant germanic union until the 'barbarian conspiracy' of later times, and even that was only a temporary cooperation.

Today is newspaper day. I have to really because the job pages are printed every thursday. Once upon a time there used to be three pages stuffed with adverts for this or that opportunity of a lifetime. These days there's a page of timid adverts costing the bare minimum, and almost invariably outside of my travelling range. Well that part of jobsearch didn't take long. So what else I have got for my forty pence? More efforts to reduce speeding motorists. In fairness, Swindon took a bold step by stopping the speed camera nonsense and generate income from parking charges instead, which has apparently netted the council millions of pounds in the last few years. So although the accident rate has not gone up again as critics predicted, the council have decided that we need to stop the speeding motorist. They're setting up traffic lights that go to red if a car is detected approaching at a higher speed than allowed. Go too fast and wait for longer as it were. Do I sound critical? Actually I think it's a clever way to stop speeders. The thing is though the council are claiming that if people learn to keep to speed limits then they'll travel through junctions with less delay. Truth is, we won't, because some idiot will speed and set off the red light embargo on movement. But isn't that the plan? To make speeding socially unacceptable instead of being attractively naughty? Sneaky... Very sneaky... My Fridge Is Gone When the two chaps from the department store delivered my fridge I got them to manhandle the old on downstairs, which they did with cheery enthusiam. In a quick discussion on recycling, one did mention that left in my front yard, it would probably vanish onto a gypsy flatbed. Yep,. Notice my confidence at leaving it there. And we were both right. Some time yesterday afternoon the old fridge vanished. The least they could have done was take away the unwanted polystyrene packaging too. Run For It Cancer has become something of a modern bugbear. In Britain, we have a women-only event called Run For Life or something similar. Last night though I saw a television appeal for people to take part. It seems fewer and fewer women are running in this charity event. I was going to make a wisecrack, but perhaps that would be a little uncouth and callous.