caldrail

A long time ago, I was asked a simple but searching question. Robin Harrison was the aspiring guitar hero of Red Jasper who tried to seek enlightment having listened to my own angry hard rock riffs. Not because he thought he might learn something meaningful from my own interpretation on what constituted music, but rather because he couldn't understand why I was so utterly entrenched in one particular style. Especially since I was a drummer and therefore had no legal reason to be playing a musical instrument at all. Who am I trying to kid? He was seeking an opportunity to appraise and hopefully criticise. He couldn't compete in that narrow genre I'd adopted. Ever the competitive type, he wanted a different battlefield. His need for status demanded he found some form of elevated niche. "So..." He interrupted me in between chords, "What do you play when you're feeling mellow?" My reply was that I never felt mellow. I wonder if he ever really understood that? We both had stars in our eyes in those days in one way or another. He wanted to be the acknowledged artiste whereas I wanted to demolish the brick wall that had caused me so many headaches over the years. No, more than that, I wanted to express anger. To as many people as I could sell records to. Funnily enough I was in a mellow sort of mood just the other day. It's taken a few decades but I guess that's just another part of growing old. By strange coincidence I also happened to be playing guitar. So the answer to Robin's question is that I finally played something mellow. That's what music is. A form of expression. It was a shame I only had one thing to say back then. Not Cold Enough? So far this winter I haven't needed to wear gloves. That's quite stunning really. Where's the sharp frosty mornings, the freezing fogs, the sight of my own breath? Currently my home's central heating is switched off - that's how mild it is right now - though in fairness I am wrapped up warm. Seeing as I look like a down-and-out, a sort of Scott-Of-The-Living-Room, I also notice the absence of reminders on television on the plight of the homeless this year. Obviously things aren't cold enough for the average person to show any concern. DW, our intrepid online journalist, dutifully spent a night sleeping rough to raise awareness in a publicity stunt. It must be said he didn't suffer unduly. Not only was the weather relatively mild, he was provided with warm bedding and a rather attractive young lady to warm him further. It isn't often I'm envious of anyone sleeping rough. My Year Ahead Of course the risk that I might end up homeless myself is something I won't ignore. Therefore my job search continues. Even over the festive season too, please note. I see on the newspaper headlines that there are on average twenty three applicants for every vacancy here in Britain. More than forty for customer service roles. Looking ahead then it's entirely possible that I'll be unemployed for a while yet. That doesn't mean I intend to surrender. Anyone who thinks I'm just going to give up and return to being boring old Mister Caldrail will be disappointed. I haven't been Lord Caldrail for the last two years for nothing. As my psychometric tests reveal, I'm an individualist (What? I needed an expert to tell me that?). So much of my self-expression has been vandalised or stolen that I really don't have anything left. As for those youths who keep telling me that I've gotten my just deserts, I have to say I haven't the slightest idea what they're talking about. Kids... Pfah! ... What do they know? Go away and discover girls. As for those who shouted that they get their food for free, well good for you. I'm not concerned with the details of your life in any way at all. After all, you had to shout to bring it to my attention which means it wasn't remotely interesting in the first place. However, if you turn out to be the ones dipping their fingers into my larder, I'll make sure to send you the bill. Only a matter of time.

The rectangular curved shield of the principate wasn't quite as standard as some believe. Many legions would use the oval shield and this form was present almost throughout the Roman era. It wasn't just the auxillaries that used this type which offers the better compromise between defence and practicality. Also around the reign of Tiberius there was a preference for polygonal shields. Bear in mind the curved rectangular shield developed from a tall narrow one in the late republic to a squarer version more useful in open fighting - we know from sources that the masssed closed ranks were a feature of republican warfare and less prevalent during the better protected principatal and mid-roman period.

I don't ever remember being convinced by this santa claus stuff. I knew early on my parents were putting presents by the tree every year, but to be honest that never detracted from the fun of opening gaudy packages anyway. Over the holiday The Polar Express was showing on tv. I've not seen the film before, and boy, am I glad I didn't pay to see that in the cinema. I was struck by the idea we should be wowwed with the entire concept of christmas, that it should be 'magical' somehow, as if the adult population was guilty of conspiring to foist this fantasy on their children. I mean, it's bad enough that christianity reivented the festival to suit itself (I do read that the end of year celebration predates roman festivals as a celebration of surving the winter solstice), but now we see both a commercial and cultural reinvention that whilst not absolutely at odds with each other, remain nonetheless two extremes of what was essentially a very simple custom. Good grief, I managed a rant, at this time of year no less. I haven't been drinking enough. If you'll please excuse me...

Romans matured a lot sooner than we do these days (teenagers were not invented back then) plus youngsters from high status families were groomed for their careers generally speaking. After all, Commodus was co-emperor for a few years before Marcus Aurelius died so I guess he'd gotten some idea of the lads potential. Choosing his son (which he did - despite at least two hollywood epics to the contrary) was simply a means to ensure a smooth transition of power as it would have been known and accepted by the majority ahead of time. In fairness however the smoothness was never going to be guaranteed.

Yes, it's that time of year again.For those who haven't noticed, we're fast approaching christmas, the traditional time of year for falling drunk off railway station platforms, smiling at people you've never met before, and finding out that someone is using your home as a convenience store. It's also the traditional time for pretending we believe that some old fat guy is going slip down the chimney and leave those perfects gifts for all the family that the television adverts have assiduously persisted in showing us. All I get in my chimney is nesting pigeons. As for dreaming of a white christmas, it's raining out there. A lot. The car park behind the min shopping street is one shallow river at the moment. If I sound like a party pooper I apologise, but then, if you want to enjoy yourself, why do you need an excuse? Why should we need a tradition dating long before Britain was invented? It's not as if Christmas is all that traditional anyway. So therefore to make life bearable and fun, I present my production of.... Caldrail's Inevitable Nativity Joseph - Good evening barkeep. A room for the night please for me and my pregnant wife. Barkeep - Sorry. All booked solid. Joseph - Look, I've tried every other inn in town. Couldn't you squeeze us in somewhere? Please? Barkeep - Sorry mate, but you should have booked ahead. We've been advertising on our website for months. Mary - Aaaah! Barkeep - You all right miss? Mary - No I'm not all right you idiot! I've going to have a baby. Customer - Hey! This a barroom. No babies allowed. She shouldn't be in here either. Joseph - Do you mind? My wife is going to give birth to the son of God! Barkeep - Son of.. God? Wow... We've never had a visit from a divine presence before. I have to admit mate, you're not exactly impressive. Joseph - No not me you fool, it's... Well... It's a long story. Isn't there a barn or a stable where we can sleep overnight? Mary - .It's going to look a bit ridiculous if the son of God is born on a barroom floor. Barkeep - Yeah, okay, out back. Mind the animals and don't make a mess of the straw. I'll send for a midwife. No extra charge. Joseph - Yes yes yes, thank you. Come dearest. Let's find ourselves a comfy spot in the stable.... Ahh! Here we are. Set yourself down. Mary - What? Here? There's dung all over the floor, it smells like a cows ass, and you know I'm allergic to pollen. Joseph - Can we not argue about it now? It's very scenic and this stable will make a wonderful picture in our family album. Oh look, here comes the midwife. Midwife - You the husband? Out! Get out! Men aren't supposed to be present at childbirth. Joseph - What? The donkey can stay and I can't? Midwife - The donkey's more use if we need to pull the baby out. Joseph - I just want be of some use. Midwife - Then get a shovel and clear up this dung. Look at this stable. What a mess. Typical bloke. Can't keep a stable tidy. Joseph - Hang on, this isn't my property. Midwife - From what I'm told it isn't your child either. Out! Joseph - (Sigh) Guess I'll just have to wait outside then. Wait.. What's that shaft of light? Why do I hear a heavenly choir? Angel of the Lord - Just me mate. Sorry to bother you, this being a private family matter and all, but his nibs decided that if that baby is going to be important, he needs to start at an early age. So I got roped in as the celebrity host. Joseph - So my child really is the son of God? Angel of the Lord - Yeah. Sneaky so and so, isn't he? Worse than a milkman. Hallo, who are these three suspicious characters? First King - We are three kings of orient far. We have followed the guiding star to be here, tonight, in the presence of this most solemn and majestic occaision. Second King - What a journey. No end of hassle. I swear that's the last time I go chasing astronomical phenomena. Third King - Yeah, and if we wait here too long, our people will rebel and install new transitional governments. Mary - Hoo hoo hooo hooo unnnnngh AAAAAARGH! Midwife - Keep pushing... Joseph - You all right in there? Donkey - EEEEEEH-AWWWWWW Jesus - (slap) Waaaaaaaaaaagh! Waaaaaaagh! Waaaagh! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh! Joseph - Huh? Midwife - It's a boy. Angel of the Lord - Congratulations Joseph. Here, have a cigar.. Wait a minute... Midwife, did you just slap the son of God? Midwife - Don't tell me how to do my job Angel. Your wife's fine, Joseph. Baby's healthy, except for a strange inexplicable glow, but I'm sure that will wear off in a few hours. Right, now about my fee....

Festive season or not, I am still unemployed, and therefore my jobsearch continues. It's continued for so long now that it seems almost like a job in itself. As long as I achieve my targets and objectives on a regular basis I get regular pay. In fact, the only real difference is that instead of one all important boss, I attend an office full of them. Or at least it would be if I could get through the door. The programme centre has a push-button intercom through which you must attract someone's attention and persuade them to unlock the front door remotely. As if my life long struggle with doors was not enough, now I seem to be stuck with a lifelong struggle with doorkeepers. The six options on the device always change between visits. I suspect it's some fiendish plot to make claimants use their brain once in a while. One of them opens the door, after a brief verbal contest, so it's just a matter of getting used to apologising, successfully deducing the correct choice from the tiny handwritten clue next to each button, or simply getting lucky. As it happens the economic downturn has made this quest somewhat simpler, as the various agencies employed by the government fall by the wayside. Once there were six options. Now there are twp. Which one? This? Or that? Help, this is too difficult for a claimant. We're not used to making decisions in our regulated 'do as we tell you' world! Out of nowhere appeared a Man-In-Grey. You must have come across one or two of those bog standard office types in your time. I think they're factory made in China. Anyway he ambled up to the door and appraised my efforts in attempting to gain entry. Clearly I didn't impress him with my negotiation skills. And since the door refused to budge even after persuading the tinny disembodied voice that I was supposed to be in there. I don't think he was impressed by my futile rage. "You just need to wait a second" He advised me helpfully. Mate, seriously, shut up. This door and I are arch-enemies. I know it better than you do. Nonetheless he took no notice and pushed a button with that quiet calm confidence guaranteed to irritate lesser members of the human species. He too answered the voice and asked for access. Then he waited for a second. Then a few more. Then pressed the button again. Eventually he leaned forward and spoke into the grill "I'm not able to access the building". Once Inside Is anyone else having a frustrating festive season? As soon as was allowed into the programme centre I was informed that I should go home and wait for a phone call, because with the economic downturn there's only one eigth as many staff there as there was originally. That was nothing compared to yesterday. I foolishly made the mistake of choosing the same time as everyone else to go shopping. The queues at the supermarket - not a building known for generous space to begin with - looped around the shelves. Excuse me?... No, I just want some chicken nuggets on special offer... What?... You want to get by?.... Erm.... Once Outside Homelessness has gone up by 13%. 70,000 children in Britain are sleeping rough at Christmas this year. Up to thirty years can be knocked off your life expectantcy by homelessness. We do tend to step over people who fall by the wayside - I'm no different - and according to the shelter representative interviewed on the news just now, it can happen to anyone. So I guess I'll have to be thankful for the roof over my head, even if it isn't as warm as I would prefer it to be.

With all the spare time I seem to be afflicted with as an unemployed person it's inevitable that watch a bit more television than usual. So far I've avoided the mind numbing tedium of Countdown (never the same after Carol Voorderman left) and apart from Shaun The Sheep, childrens tv doesn't fill my spiritual emptiness. However, lately there's been a series of japanese animation films. They're all pretty similar in style. Slightly surreal, always western in cultural depiction despite the oriental language, and strangely absorbing. Most are actually pretty dire as stories. There was one about sky pirates that ought to be used for prisoner interrogation. Fifteen minutes of that and you'd reveal every top secret you 've ever heard of. There was one that caught my attention - Kiki's Delivery Sercvvice. Not because of the story, which was pure sugar and very cringweworthy, but the background. It was a sort of 1930's France in feel. It felt oddly familiar. Those of you who've read the Tintin Comics will know what I mean - the direct influence of real world places and objects makes the cartoon so much more reali no matter how simplistic the drawing is. The rendition of the town was very appealing. I wanted to take that tram ride along the wide cobbled boulevard where the wealthy people lived, or stroll down that narrow winding road between the shops. Shame it's only imaginary really. Maybe that's because I'm getting a little bored of red brick Swindon. Apologies To Monty Python A tourist enters North Korea. Tourist:: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint. (The official does not respond.) T:'Ello, Miss? Official: What do you mean "miss"? T:I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint! O: We're closin' for lunch. T:Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about your leader who I tried to visit not half an hour ago from this very office. O: Oh yes, the, uh, Kim Jong Il...What's,uh...What's wrong with him? T:I'll tell you what's wrong with him, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with him! O: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting. T:Look, matey, I know a dead politician when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now. O: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable fella, the Kim Jong Il, isn'he, ay? Beautiful clothing! T:The clothing don't enter into it. He's stone dead. O: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting! T:All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up! (shouting at the cage) 'Ello, Kim! I've got a lovelyweapons of mass destruction for you if you show...(owner hits the cage) O: There, he moved! T:No, he didn't, that was you hitting the cage! O: I never!! T:Yes, you did! O: I never, never did anything... T:(yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO KIM!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call! (Takes Kim Jong Il out of the cage and thumps its head on the counter. Throws him up in the air and watches him plummet to the floor.) T:Now that's what I call a dead politician. O: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned! T:STUNNED?!? O: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Korean politicians stun easily, major. T:Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That person is definitely deceased, and when I visited him not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that his total lack of movement was due to bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged speech. O: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the rice paddies. T:PININ' for the RICE PADDIES?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home? O: Kim Jong Il prefers kippin' on his back! Remarkable leader, isn't he, squire? Lovely uniform! T:Look, I took the liberty of examining that person when I got him home, and I discovered the only reason that he'd been sitting on his throne in the first place was that he'd been NAILED there. (pause) O: Well, o'course he was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed him down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart withhis bare hands, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee! T:"VOOM"?!? Mate, this bloke wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through him! 'E's bleedin' demised! O: No no! 'E's pining! T:'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the throne! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-POLITICIAN!! (pause) O: Well, I'd better replace him, then.

By chance I bumped into the boss of the museum in town and we had a chat. Normally he's buzzing around here and there sorting things out, so it was great to discover I've been working for a human being. The conversation eventually got around to things christmas. I'm a spiritualist, he's an aetheist, and funnily enough neither of us has any problem with that, unlike the christian who works there. She goes into a strop every time Jesus isn't treated with absolute reverence by everyone. Lo and behold what do we find? Our glorious leader, David Cameron, announces that Britain is a christian country and the world would be a better place if we all queued up on sundays. Of course he added that other faiths should be respected too, and that if christians feel secure about their faith, then others won't be interefered with. I fall off my seat in hysterics at the idea that Cameron is emulating the Roman emperor Constantine in using a religion to do his dirty work for him. But what makes me far less amused is the assumption that christianity is automatically a more moral culture. It just isn't, and never was. Despite all the 'messages' and ideas about being nice to others, christianity was constructed to order for political reasons in the 4th century. Far from adopting the moral high ground it claims to own, anyone who encounters the adherents of Jesus' personality cult from outside soon learns how often Christianity forms a protective umbrella beneath which all sorts of dubious activity goes on. Hardly a religion with sincere roots, therefore, and both my boss and I agreed on that. Christians are often the worst people though in fairness they don't have exclusive rights to bigotry and spitefulness. There will be some people reading this who think that I should be... What's the phrase?... More tolerant given this is the festive season, but then, since when was Christmas a christian festival anyway? Birthday of Jesus? Check your history book. The rituals and customs of the festive season are descended from pagan beliefs. More Xmas Woes Those of you born some time around 1992 don't know how lucky they are. Partly because that's when I gave up being a drummer, but also because theuy're too young to remember the seventies. Now why, you might ask, are the seventies the cause of grief? Yes, it's those christmas songs from Slade and Wizard. Every year I have to listen to those two songs repeated endlessly. I'm old enough to remember when those singles first came out, and for nearly thirty years, I've been a victim of music abuse. It isn't just that the rest of the world seems utterly immune to the trauma-inducing effects of seventies christmas singles, but rather that despite my best efforts, I finally succumbed to bad luck over the weekend and heard both songs. I might need some time to convalesce. Anything Else? So is anything else happening in Caldworld? Erm... Noooo.... Not really. Even the lady behind the desk at the Job Centre was politie and pleasant on my last visit. It's Swindon, Jim, but not as we know it.

Nero had an interesting (and ultimately self defeating) means to solve his financial woes. I can't quite see an american president resorting to such measures, but then, that's because the similarity between ancient and modern is very tenuous.

Now we know the security arrangements for the forthcoming 2012 London Olympics. The armed forces will keep the invasion of foreign athletes from conquering Britain. We certainly are going for gold. Seriously though, 13,000 troops? Attack helicopters? Jet fighters on scramble alert? A battleship on the Thames? I'm struggling to get my head around this. I agree there's bound to be a risk of terrorists making some explosive statement of their anti-whatever views, but this stuff is protection on the scale of a Hollywood thriller. Just what sort of threat are these forces expecting? Chances are any actual threat would be a small number of hostiles. I suppose picking out the terrorist from tourist isn't so easy but is it any easier from helicopter a thousand feet overhead? And if we do get suspicious characters wandering around London with backpacks, I sort of got the idea the police were already well capable of targetting them. Blown It Now that the US has packed its bags and booked tickets home after nine years of operations in Iraq it's time to reflect on what they achieved. I imagine many of my countrymen are making some scornful comments. It was saddening to see ordinary Iraqis interviewed by journalists doing exactly that. There is a plus side to it all besides the demise of Saddam Hussein. Apparently the terrorists are experiencng problems in finding volunteers for suicide bombing. Why would that suprise anyone? Almost everyone who was angry enough to blow themselves up has already done so. And what, exactly, has suicide bombing achieved except give a few fundamentalists the chance to make a home video?. Now I hear that an Iranian has been caught red handed at Moscow airport with loads of radioactive material. The Iranians have always maintained that their nuclear power program has no military purpose. If they carry on like this, they'll be inviting the americans to drop by for the regime celebrations. I mean, it's not like they haven't been warned. Temper Temper A few times recently I've watched the hot debates on Prime Ministers Question Time. For those that don't know, that's not a current affairs program, but televised government proceedings that occaisionally get aired when terorists aren't blowing things up or the Eurozone manages to keep its balance. I've had some dismissive things to say about David Cameron, our glorious leader (who I note isn't appearing alongside coalition partner Nick Clegg much anymore), but I was struck by the somewhat amateurish performance of the arch-enemy, opposition leader Ed Milliband. It's understandable that he tries to diminish government performance and criticise the Prime Ministers decisions and policiies - that's democracy - but having made his accusations he sits there fuming that his opponent is ripping him apart, making scornful comments while the microphones are elsewhere. Eddy baby, chill out man. Your crowd won the Feltham & Heston by-election. What more do you need? A good turn out? Safety First Last night the weather report was full of dire warnings of snow and strong winds. No sign of it this morning. The ground is wet mind you, but what a nice sunny day. Elsewhere in Britain it's a different matter. A short while ago I saw interviews of various people in Wales. Not in the usual urban setting, but on a path toward the peak of Pen-Y-Fan. I've been up to the summit of the highest mountain in South Wales myself in my younger days, although in fairness that wasn't during winter. Two lads with skis and snowboard enthused about the possibility of getting some fun and promptly headed for the slopes. Then we met a chap from the local mountain rescue team. "A lot of other people may want to visit wild places too," The interviewer suggested, "What would you recommend on days like this to keep yourself safe?" Immediately the mountain rescue man almost smiled at the chance to ram some commonsense down the throat of the british public. "Warm clothes, stout boots, goggles, map, compass, thermos flask, food, whistle, torch, crampons..." And so on. Needless to say I had almost none of those things the day I went up there. I doubt any of todays visitors will either. Mostly because the vehicles necessary to transport all their expedition gear to base camp won't be able to cope with snow.

Well that's the problem. Simply saying it's al because of complexity is a generic over simplification. It remains an observation, not a diagnosis, nor for that matter, any meaningful explanation of what happened. It is, frankly, philosophy posing as history 1. You mentioned increased stratification (minority patrician power-brokers versus the immigrant and slave majority). This is a chief aspect of complex societies. Immigrant and slave dexcendants I said. Which means they replaced the older patrician families and must therefore have introduced different cultural values to some extent, but then, static cultures become prone to ritual behaviour and inability to deal with crises. You would class that as complexity. I would class it as decreasing societal vigour. 2. Economic losses due to increasing expenses (on societal complexity) and dwindling supplies of precious metals with which to back up those government debts Complexity and costs are not necessarily or automatically linked. That's the problem with clever sounding theories. They simplify the situation so much that adherents fail to question. 3. Inability to defend the frontier because the military was too expensive for the state to field and spread too thin. The level of military spending needed to pacify an incredibly long frontier became increasingly unaffordable. Costs of complexity again. Wrong. It wasn't possible for the Romans to adequately enforce their border because it wass too big. Rome had already addressed that problem by adoption of straegies designed to allow for that situation, offset by poorer performance and motivation of the troops involved. The problem at that stage was that their neighbours had learned how to cope with Roman politics and warfare and had become more confident and daring in their approach to siphoning off Roman resources. In other words, your precise model does not represent the situation at all, since assumes a closed system. 4. Polarization of communities, I don't understand exactly what this refers to. Maybe you could elaborate. I could indeed. I will however take the opportunity to point out that your clever theory does not enable your understanding of this part of ancient history. Putting all your eggs in one basket is not a good policy in study. But - since you ask - communities were becoming functionally independent of the state, seeing to their own welfare and defence. Before you immediately mention complexity, it means that these communities were abstaining from their part of your theoretical system and since they had removed themselves from Roman control, they cannot be classed as a more complex part of it

This morning's local paper starts with the headline about our dearly beloved ruin, the Old College site. Yes, it's still there. The issue is apparently no longer the number of rare and protected species of roosting bats, but whether the developer can be bothered to actually do anything. I mean, despite all the presentations anf fine words, there seems to be a distinct lack of progress in getting anyone to sign up to fill the new shopping mall to be built in its place. Now they're saying it won't come down until next spring. Is that the coming spring or the spring afterward? I just wondered. Wouldn't want to miss the big occaision. What I Want My stars this morning are short and to the point. Success can be mine if I admit what it is I actually want. Okay, that'll be one Ferrari please. Oh yes. Please remember to pull that Old College ruin down. That's my little good turn for the community. Talking of Ferarri's, I saw one of the newer ones parked down the hill just lately. I don't know the model name or number, but it's one of those 'science & maths' models as Jeremy Clarkson describes them. Who am I to argue? It did look impressive, I have to say, painted ivory with a black roof, basking in the adoration of pedestrians stunned that anyone would actually dare to park an expensive sports car in that part of town. If I parked something like in the yard behind my home, I'd be the owner of the worlds most expensive carbon fibre skip by the following morning. And that would get nicked three months later.So to add to my wishlist of things I wish for - please find those idiots who demolished my car and have them dragged by a Ferrari through a heap of razorwire. They say you should be careful what you wish for. Why? Because I might just get it? Fine with me.

Where were you when Berlin Wall came down? Where you when Princess Di had a bit of an accident? Events like those can be so important sometimes, even when you least expect it. At least they are to some people. I honestly can't say those particular events ever stirred me to remember the day but I'm sure you can think of those that do it for you. You might ask why I'm writing about them. Well it's because the news has broken that the CERN hadron collider at Geneva might have spotted the elusive Higgs Boson particle. Break out the beer chaps. This will be the day you talk to your grandchildren about. That should get them to sleep. Been There, Seen It I caught the second half of some strange film last night. No idea what it was. Not really sure what it was supposed to be about, although I've eliminated the Higgs Boson particle from my enquiries. It isn't often I see films from New Zealand. I think maybe I've been spoiled by the Lord Of The Rings trilogy. Mind you, I have to say I enjoyed the sex scene. I had no idea New Zealand had any lesbians. Good grief, I might drop by there again one day. Global Malarkee Also last night I saw one of David Attenborough's Frozen Planet series. This was quite late at night and I was stunned to see that people with hearing difficulties have to stay up that late to see the lady on the right translate it by sign language. There has been controversy about the series. Not for keeping deaf people awake in the small hours, but filming the birth sequence of a polar bear at a zoo in Holland. I do hear that David Attenborough is about to present his latest series, First Life, about the most ancient and primitive of life forms that began evolution, beginning the rocky path toward the arrival of Global Warming Conferences three billion years later. If he wants to save money, why didn't he film scenes in my kitchen sink? That's pretty primeval. Do we really need a Global Warming Conference? I saw a russian journalist stunned the other day when a scientist dismissed the entire proceedings as a gravy train and an unnecessary impediement to human prosperity. Yeah - that's what I said ten years ago. I wonder if the Canadians happened to see one of my posts on the subject? No matter. Congratulations to them for realising what a colossal sham it all is. What The?... Just as I was about to leave the house today I spotted snow. Yes, snow. The dreaded white stuff is cascading upon poor old innicent Swindon as I write this. We don't normally get any snow this side of the new year. Oh... Hang on.... It seems to have stopped. Was it something I said?

Talking about Constantine, I watched a program about Jerusalem last night. My suspicions were aroused when the presenter started discussing Jesus, and when we got to Constantine, I could only groan. He told his audience that Constantine converted to christianity in 312, which I understand was not the case, and there was not a hint of criticism for the man. It was, essentially, a pro-christian view with some dubious references. I don't actually believe Constantine is over emphasised at all. His reign was a watershed for the Romans in many ways, and not always for the better.

Increased complexity carries increased costs per capita. This being in terms of energy and resources. It is a general concept but it explains a lot. It's also a somewhat subjective statement because it doesn't define what complexity means in terms of a society. My point is that some of this complexity at least was merely laziness, corruption, and rivalry obstructing efficient government rather than any inherent detail. As a social scientist, how does one explain how some administrations are competent and others corrupt? Who benefits most from their labour? The society or the individual? Why do some cultures manage well and others poorly? Many factors are involved but it does depend on how coherent the society is. Are they pulling together, or fighting each other? In the case of the late empire, the administration was no longer as dedicated to Roman service as it had once been, but riven by factions. Also since the Dominate functioned around the display of wealth, it generated a culture of rivalry amongst those who wanted to benefit from it. You could argue this was always the case in Imperial Rome - I agree, there was always a certain amount of this as there had been in the republic, but the polarisation of wealth accentuated this feature of Roman culture. Both Marcellinus and Zosimus make comments to this effect. Are there no patterns we can identify? Yes there are. Why else would people quote reasons for the collapse of the Roman Empire? If this pattern of inefficiency truly threatened the existence of the collective in the case of Rome, why was no decisive action was taken to correct the trend? Sometimes they did try decisive action. However your question assumes a simple decision can rectify endemic features of everyday society. That doesn't work in modern government (you need only watch Prime Ministers Question Time to see that happening) and it certainly didn't work for the explotative, corrupt, and factional Roman empire. If you believe (and I don't) that inefficiency was the primary cause of collapse, then why did this occur in Rome and not in China, which I believe had several dynasties that ended with totally endemic corruption and inefficiency, yet were replaced with new dynasties without the collapse of the entire culture? I won't dwell on this question because of forum rules. China was a different society. Different aspirations, problems, and expectations. Complex societies respond to crisis with additional investments in complexity Not always. That's one course of action possible, but in some cases, the Romans eliminated or re-aligned sections of society they thought were unnecessary or devicive. To reason that the Roman Collapse (or should that be 'Deflation'?) was simply an extension of complexity is absurd. It may have been part of the problem, but also bear in mind the changes in mindset of the population as they progressed from the old order toward the immigrant and slave descended majority, or the increasing instances of disease, the economic losses that were due to excessive spending, imbalance in foreign trade, and increasing instabil;ity on the frontiers (not to mention raiding), the failure to maintain standards in the late imperial legions, and the polarisation of communities which could not possibly be described in terms of complexity.

Which japanese army aeroplanes had armour in 1941? I wonder if you can name them? I think you'll find the armour was fitted later in response to experience of allied air power. Bear in mind the japanese had been fighting an air war in China for some time and hadn't considered protecting the pilot unnecessarily bearing in mind many aircraft uinvolved were barely out of the biplane era without any protection whatsoever. As regards cultural no-no's, this is well documented. It's interesting to read the opinions of japanese test pilots flying captured enemy aircraft - they always have a different angle on it. Also you should bear in mind the transition from the older biplane period was not well received by experienced pilots of any nation. Many thought enclosed cockpits were a disadvantage in combat because it removed important sensory information. Ernst Udet, a skilled WW1 ace, said "This will never make a fighter" when first shown the Bf109. (He was later to become its most ardent champion). Italian pilots almost demanded that early monoplanes remove the cockpit cover. The japanese were more willing As regards the Zero, although a fleeting similarity to certain US racers has led people to believe the designer basically copied the idea, the Zero was a development of previous designs incorporating state of the art features, not to mention fulfilling a demanding japanese Navy specification for a new carrier fighter which Nakajima thought was impossible to achieve, in much the same way as the 109 or Spitfire had. The use of a wimpy engine was because the japanese had not previously developed a more powerful one - there weren't any better engines available to japanese manufacturers (bearing in mind the import restrictions enforced by US sanctions and the desire of the japanese to create their own industrial self sufficiency) and also remember that the use of these engines had been tested in China. As far as the Japanese were concerned, their aircraft were superior irrespective how lacking in power they may have been. Furthermore, I would point out that whilst the Zero was reportedly an excellent flyer, it did suffer from excessive aerodynamic loads on the controls above 300mph, effectively removing the manoeverability advantage. At top speed, an aeroplane is unlikely to perform aerobatics at its best, and that's true of any airframe, so bear in mind that even with mach 2 modern jets, combat manoevers generally occur at around 400mph, a speed at which the balance between drag and power allow the aircraft to manoever effectively. With WW2 aeroplanes this was closer to 200-250mph depending on type.

It's misery month in Britain right now. never mind all tjhose predictions of economic woes and european isolation, it's raining. That might suprise a few people given that Britain has a repuation for damp weather, but you see, most of our dampness is down to showers which do have a habit of catching people out. Today however is wet. It will probably be wet all day. That means I probably will be too. Yes, It's Happened Again No I don't mean rain showers, but meteorite showers. The Gemenids are about to fall to Earth in a spectacular display over the next two nights and guess what - The skies are cloudy and grey. That always happens. Every time. I've realised that Britain will survive the next major meteorite strike on Earth by the simple expedient of hiding beneath rainclouds. Also Wet Today Unlike a famous dance sequence by Gene Kelley, I won't be singin' in the rain on the way home. partly because I wouldn't be seen dead with an umbrella, partly because I don't enjoy getting wet, but mostly because the police will probably arrest me for possession of a voice with intent to cause breach of the peace. Plus I'm not that good a dancer. More likely I'll be shouted at by irate motorists. And splashed with water from the gutter. Oooh look. The sun has come out. Yeah, okay, I've been caught like that before.

The problem with playing Top Trumps is that it focuses on finite factors that ignore the operational considerations in aircraft deployment. Whilst the Tempest V might have had considerable performance it was not going to replace late model Spitfires as a frontline fighter. It had been designed not only as an improvement upon the earlier Typhoom but also to Air Ministry secification. Furthermore, the performance of the Tempest V was superior at low altitude, thus making the design more suitable as a fighter-bomber which indeed was the historical deployment. The FW190D series were very capable aircraft. Although I don't have any good sources on Russian fighters, the later ones were no pushovers either. Now as for the 109D & E series - they dominated not only because the aeroplanes were excellent flying machines (despite some hazardous shortcomings on the ground) but also because the Luftwaffee overwhelmed their enemies by sheer weight of numbers combined with the German doctrine of blitzkrieg and the consequent coordination of rapid ground operations. It meant essentially that enemy air forces weren't just shot down, but bombed and overrun. There were increasingly signs that the superiority of the 109 was a temporary factor - something the Germans themselves recognised in authorising development of successor designs - and some obscure types, some of which too late to enter service, held considerable promise. Shortly before the fall of France the Bloch 157 project revealed a top speed of 440mph, and that was in May 1940. As for the Fokker G1, a flawed concept. The idea of a twin engined fighter wasn't unusual and most air forces attempted to employ such aircraft on the principle of increased firepower, which unfortunately failed because the decreased performance and manoeverability would offset any advantage. Only the P38 Lightning showed any comparable capability and that was essentially obelete by the mid war period except in specialist roles which many twins eventually ended up assigned to. Whilst the G1 wasn't a bad aeroplane at all, it just wasn't good enough. The early japanese aeroplanes you mention reflect japanese thinking. Unlike western nations, the japanese were indoctrinated with a pseudo medieval martial spirit and for them, the idea of fighting in the air was no more than an extension of a sword duel between two warriors. Therefore manoeverability was seen as paramount and note that performance eventually became a dominant factor in the late war as the japanese eventually woke up to the idea that they had lost mastery of the skies by relying on outdated and culturally restricted tactics. Notice also that the japanese methodology of war was as always to strike quickly and strike first - that was why the japanese never really made extensive use of an encumbering protective shioeld in warfare, but instead used spears and swords in murderously quick combat alone. Combine that with the traditional concept that a man's life is temporary and death inevitable, the idea of protecting the pilot with armour served only to restrict the performance and manoeverability of the aircraft and therefore restrict the advantage these aeroplanes offered the 'samurai' pilot.

Thie idea that science fiction stories are relevant to the study of societal collapse is a little daft in my view, however much youlike reading the author. I have read that series myself incidentially. Proposition 3 - that complex societies incur more costs - is a somewhat generalised phrase. The nature of the complexity and the efficiency of administration are important factors that are being glossed over. In terms of the Roman empire, the later empire saw increases in bureaucracy with people seeking sinecures and more staff/retainers to improve their visual standing. That does indeed increase costs but repesents a failure of management, not an autiomatic circumstance. Also the apparent desire for local administration in the provinces is a moot point because the empire couldn't function any other way. That's why provinces had governors in the first place. The issues with the late Roman period evolve from the changing security situation. Whwereas in the past the Romans had picked off their enemies one by one or expanded to annex their territory and assets, the late empire had cordioned off Roman territory and defended a static border, combined with increasing instances of cooperation between the foreign tribes and a growing sense that Rome had become vulnerable despite their burdgeoning military. As Polybius points out, all nations eventually wither of their own accord. I've always said their was a political analogy to biological life. Nations form, grow, mature, and die of old age, disaster, or conquest. The late empire had ceased expansion, though in fairness, it had already reached the practical limits for doing so. They also saw an increase in petty bureaucracy and military recruitment, resorting to shabby means to find soldiers to fill the unwilling ranks and resulting in equally shabby means to avoid service. Notice also that the Dominate was increasingly insecure, both as an institution and also as central government. It wasn't therefore just a demand for local administration but a weakening of central control that had inspired Diocletian to subdivide the empire in the first place. The issue of security is just as relevant as politics however, and increasingly, as I mentioned, raids were becoming more frequent and daring in the face of exasperated Roman response. That was the reason for developing border and reaction forces in the Roman military, a system which relied on communication for effectiveness - and please note the communication system used by the late empire was not up to the job, not just because of organisational deficiencies, but also because of local interference and in some cases the consequences of local disasters like floods, earthquakes, and disease. The emergence of independence movements in the provinces wasn't anything new - ambitious generals had done that for centuries and rebellions were not unknown - but the late emperors were increasingly called upon to prioritise their responses to situations and inevitably some provinces were too far away and not productive enough to warrant the attention those provinces felt they deserved. Therefore the disatisfacvtion of local populations grew to rebellious proportions. Notice also that Britain was abandoned by Cobnstantine III too as he withdrew the remaining legions to campaign for imperial ambition on the continent. At that stage Rome was collapsing in on itself and the demands of Britain, and later Gaul, went unheeded as the power struggle increasingly centered around the positions of power.

Some would describe me as a eurosceptic. They're quite wrong of course, I'm a eurocritic. The shameless ambiton and manipulaton of some politicians intending to create a new european empire have been all too obvious. Paranoia? Conspiracy theory? It isn't just me who waggles a finger and warns about the actual intentions of the political initiatives to gain advantage from the current difficulties. Only yesterday I was watching a journalist voicing his opinion how France and Germany are trying to ignore the restrictions of previous treaties and dictate how the european economy will be run. The urge to unify Europe has always been hiding under the surface since Roman times, and in any case, where the potential exists for greater power, there will always be those who want to grab it for themselves, even if they have to create it first. It's no coincidence that France and Germany are both countries in the vanguard of these initiatives, as both had for a while at least, european empires of their own. Britains belligerent independent spirit tends to emerge whenever european empires make themselves known. That too is an inheritance of the past Naturally then I'm pleased that our glorious leader has stood firm and said no to pressure to bring our national finances under european control. Fight them on the beaches, Mr Cameron. After all, we once had an empire far larger than Hitler's or Napoleon's. Death Of An Empire While the clumsy struggles to create a european empire unfold around us, I saw a documentary on television that reminded me how fragile such empires can be. How such empires are often only possible by the sheer will of those that lead them. Not to mention the military force they can apply. The inner workings of russian politics is a rare subject to learn about in the west If it comes to that, I find it difficult to imagine Russia as anything other than the monolithic communist state that pointed nuclear missiles at me for most of my life. I am after all a product of my age. So I learned about the events in December 1991 when over a matter of days the Soviet Union passed into history, replaced by the confederation of independent states we see today, a tale of political manoevering, public demonstration, military deployment, and more than anything else a battle of wills between leading politicians on holiday at a country residence. The only way an ambitious Yeltsin could take power from Gorbachev was to remove the Soviet Union entirely. Wow. That's like getting a well paid job by blowing up your home town. And that guy had the keys to one of the worlds largest arsenals of nuclear warheads? No wonder they kept him drunk all the time. Where Is Russia, Exactly? As if the Russians hadn't enough to complain about regarding the dodgy goings on in their recent elections, now they're complaining that footage of demonstrations used by a certain american news program actually showed violence from Greece. Why were the Russians so worried about an American first strike scenario, or that cute missile shield they want installed in eastern europe? I mean, it's not like the US knows where any of the targets are. By the way. Avoid a greek package holiday if US-Russian relations hit an all time low. Just a little tip. Weather Of The Week Watching a global weather survey proved interesting. Temperatures in Britain have dipped close to those found in Moscow over the last few days. Not sure if that made me feel any better, but I had to laugh at a recent vacancy that was pushed under my nose recently. A sort of supply expert working for the territorials. I could learn lots of new skills like survival. I hate to break it to the army, but at my age the prospect of learning survival skills really doesn't count for a lot. I'm past fifty years of age, still here, still kicking, and able to cope with poverty and cold weather. My survival hazards have more to do with supermarket con tricks or over zealous claims advisors than cooking lizards in some arid wasteland. Talking about survival, not so long ago I made a comment about Scotland being used to snow and better able to cope than us southern softies. Well, I wasn't expecting nature to test scottish resolve with some furious weather like the scenes we witnessed on television over the weekend. I do sympathise, I really do. Back in 1987 I was driving a van while that hurricane struck. You don't forget that sort of thing very easily.

It would be an important step. The lion cult appears to be one of the earliest religions we can identify, associated with north east africa and asia minor, with some finds in south east europe at the forefront of human expansion. Since these were mobile tribal cultures in prehistoric times, it really is astounding that some commanality of belief can be detected. One wonders if these ancients had some form of political unity too, however primitive, and I note the earliest permanent shriones identified in Turkey revolve around animal icons.

He was a dishonest and manipulative man, not to mention someone who was capable of having his nearest and dearest bumped off. His greatness emerges from his patronage of christianity (despite being a life long pagan) and also for his attempt to unify the early christian sects to exploit religion as an arm of government, thus setting the scene for some of the worst excesses of the middle ages. Arguably he saved the Roman Empire from collapse, but since he was partially responsible for that situation by virtue of his ambition and consequent civil war against his rivals, he comes across as another king rat.

There was something different about the supermarket yesterday. The building was in the same place, still the same pastel yellow walls and off white polystyrene roof tiles. Still the same range of products more or less where they were the last time I was here. Even a few seasonal products in highly visible red packaging didn't explain my sense of foreboding. Got it. Music. Hard to miss it really since it was being played somewhat loudly. Mind you, calling that cacophony 'music' is stretching things a bit. Each song was identical, upbeat tempo's, plentiful tambourines, and happy go lucky melodies. Now that I think about it, the problem isn't really the supermarket at all. At the till I had a quiet word with the shop assistant. Could you tell the manager that we already know it's christmas? She blinked a couple of times, then realised what I meant. No, please, it wasn't that funny...Look, can I just pay for this stuff and go?....Please? Big Rocks NASA have been charting all the asteroids orbiting nearby and it seems there are thousands of big rocks hurtling around up there. That would be plausible of course, since Earth is lots of these rocks impacted together in the early days of the solar system, and any asteroids with stable orbits would still be orbiting instead of colliding. Still, it is worrying that we have so many Rocks of Damocles hanging above our heads. No-one seems to know quite what to do if any of these asteroids are discovered to be on a collision course. Most would be extremely damaging, to say the least, many potemtially with enough energy to wipe out our endangered species in spite of all those television campaigns to raise awareness. Come to think of it, humanity isn't exactly assurtred of survival in that situation either. By coincidence I was watching a documentary about a disturbing event in the stone ages. Neolithic farming communities had progressed toward prosperity using their new farming methods, and the older hunter/gatherer lifestyles had waned significantly. Settlements showed evidence of complex social structures, communal living, and sophisticated living. Yet all of a sudden, in a two to ten year span, they became cannibals. As a global society human beings do tend to be somewhat proud of their control over the planets surface, their vast networks of infrastructure and nests, and indeed, it seems to be a facet of succesful societies throughout history that we regard oursleves as masters of the Earth. Bow down and serve us, animals, lest we punish you for being so tasty to eat. But in what way are we actually in charge? As far as I can see from news of catastrophes around the war, humanity seems incredibly ill equipped to deal with the vagaries of weather, climate, and the occaisional geothermal disturbance. I've often said that civilisation is not an automatic quality of the human species. It's something that must be taught and encouraged, and even when we adopt 'civilised' living, we discover that the primeval barbarian is lurking under the skin. After all, our cats and dogs are loveablle family pets for the most part, yet their behaviour can turn feral very easily indeed. So what can we do to preserve our confortable lives in the event that an orbital rocks wobbles dangerously? Sadly, not much, although I suspect the survivalists will be very proud of themselves having invested in concrete bunkers and stocks of weaponry. At least, that is, until they realise no-one's making ammunition any more. I suppose we really do need to understand that humanity is not guaranteed survival, neither by divine decree, macho heroism, or superiorty complex. Civilisation is fragile, and in the natural quest for superiority in the enviroment, easily overturned by aggression and disaster. Okay, go ahead. Play that darn christmas music. Anything that preserves life as we know it. I must admit, those happy tunes do seem to be keeping the asteroids away.

Greatness is largely opinion after all. For every great man, you'll find someone with something nasty to say about him. Whilst I agree Marcus Aurelius wasn't perhaps the best emperor ever to sit on the throne, I would have tio describe him as a relatively lacklustre leader. Then again, what are we comparing him with? Very few emperors made an impression. Many had gotten there by foul means and really only wanted to be important than do important things. The fact that Marcus Aurelius was more inclined to philosophy merely indicates the character he was. Other great leaders in history had similar inclinations that did not interfere with their reputations. What we're missing here is that despite Marcus Aurlius's personal goals, despite the fact he warred with germanic tribes to restore order, he didn't really achieve anything noteworthy. That's what a Roman was remembered for. Peace? Prosperity? Only if he had won it by force of arms. Only if he had earned that elusive glory that was so essential for elevation to heroic status. Unfortunately for our lacklustre emperor, he tended to leave the fighting to his better qualified generals, thus never accrued the reputation among his contemporaries that would read of and admire today.

Not really. It's all show business. Being brash is a method of getting attentioon and once people talk about you, there's a much better chance of profitting from them, although obviously if you do it without the co-operation of those that promte you or the profits vanish, it all comes crashing to a halt. That's show business.