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This morning's local paper starts with the headline about our dearly beloved ruin, the Old College site. Yes, it's still there. The issue is apparently no longer the number of rare and protected species of roosting bats, but whether the developer can be bothered to actually do anything. I mean, despite all the presentations anf fine words, there seems to be a distinct lack of progress in getting anyone to sign up to fill the new shopping mall to be built in its place. Now they're saying it won't come down until next spring. Is that the coming spring or the spring afterward? I just wondered. Wouldn't want to miss the big occaision. What I Want My stars this morning are short and to the point. Success can be mine if I admit what it is I actually want. Okay, that'll be one Ferrari please. Oh yes. Please remember to pull that Old College ruin down. That's my little good turn for the community. Talking of Ferarri's, I saw one of the newer ones parked down the hill just lately. I don't know the model name or number, but it's one of those 'science & maths' models as Jeremy Clarkson describes them. Who am I to argue? It did look impressive, I have to say, painted ivory with a black roof, basking in the adoration of pedestrians stunned that anyone would actually dare to park an expensive sports car in that part of town. If I parked something like in the yard behind my home, I'd be the owner of the worlds most expensive carbon fibre skip by the following morning. And that would get nicked three months later.So to add to my wishlist of things I wish for - please find those idiots who demolished my car and have them dragged by a Ferrari through a heap of razorwire. They say you should be careful what you wish for. Why? Because I might just get it? Fine with me.

Where were you when Berlin Wall came down? Where you when Princess Di had a bit of an accident? Events like those can be so important sometimes, even when you least expect it. At least they are to some people. I honestly can't say those particular events ever stirred me to remember the day but I'm sure you can think of those that do it for you. You might ask why I'm writing about them. Well it's because the news has broken that the CERN hadron collider at Geneva might have spotted the elusive Higgs Boson particle. Break out the beer chaps. This will be the day you talk to your grandchildren about. That should get them to sleep. Been There, Seen It I caught the second half of some strange film last night. No idea what it was. Not really sure what it was supposed to be about, although I've eliminated the Higgs Boson particle from my enquiries. It isn't often I see films from New Zealand. I think maybe I've been spoiled by the Lord Of The Rings trilogy. Mind you, I have to say I enjoyed the sex scene. I had no idea New Zealand had any lesbians. Good grief, I might drop by there again one day. Global Malarkee Also last night I saw one of David Attenborough's Frozen Planet series. This was quite late at night and I was stunned to see that people with hearing difficulties have to stay up that late to see the lady on the right translate it by sign language. There has been controversy about the series. Not for keeping deaf people awake in the small hours, but filming the birth sequence of a polar bear at a zoo in Holland. I do hear that David Attenborough is about to present his latest series, First Life, about the most ancient and primitive of life forms that began evolution, beginning the rocky path toward the arrival of Global Warming Conferences three billion years later. If he wants to save money, why didn't he film scenes in my kitchen sink? That's pretty primeval. Do we really need a Global Warming Conference? I saw a russian journalist stunned the other day when a scientist dismissed the entire proceedings as a gravy train and an unnecessary impediement to human prosperity. Yeah - that's what I said ten years ago. I wonder if the Canadians happened to see one of my posts on the subject? No matter. Congratulations to them for realising what a colossal sham it all is. What The?... Just as I was about to leave the house today I spotted snow. Yes, snow. The dreaded white stuff is cascading upon poor old innicent Swindon as I write this. We don't normally get any snow this side of the new year. Oh... Hang on.... It seems to have stopped. Was it something I said?

Talking about Constantine, I watched a program about Jerusalem last night. My suspicions were aroused when the presenter started discussing Jesus, and when we got to Constantine, I could only groan. He told his audience that Constantine converted to christianity in 312, which I understand was not the case, and there was not a hint of criticism for the man. It was, essentially, a pro-christian view with some dubious references. I don't actually believe Constantine is over emphasised at all. His reign was a watershed for the Romans in many ways, and not always for the better.

Increased complexity carries increased costs per capita. This being in terms of energy and resources. It is a general concept but it explains a lot. It's also a somewhat subjective statement because it doesn't define what complexity means in terms of a society. My point is that some of this complexity at least was merely laziness, corruption, and rivalry obstructing efficient government rather than any inherent detail. As a social scientist, how does one explain how some administrations are competent and others corrupt? Who benefits most from their labour? The society or the individual? Why do some cultures manage well and others poorly? Many factors are involved but it does depend on how coherent the society is. Are they pulling together, or fighting each other? In the case of the late empire, the administration was no longer as dedicated to Roman service as it had once been, but riven by factions. Also since the Dominate functioned around the display of wealth, it generated a culture of rivalry amongst those who wanted to benefit from it. You could argue this was always the case in Imperial Rome - I agree, there was always a certain amount of this as there had been in the republic, but the polarisation of wealth accentuated this feature of Roman culture. Both Marcellinus and Zosimus make comments to this effect. Are there no patterns we can identify? Yes there are. Why else would people quote reasons for the collapse of the Roman Empire? If this pattern of inefficiency truly threatened the existence of the collective in the case of Rome, why was no decisive action was taken to correct the trend? Sometimes they did try decisive action. However your question assumes a simple decision can rectify endemic features of everyday society. That doesn't work in modern government (you need only watch Prime Ministers Question Time to see that happening) and it certainly didn't work for the explotative, corrupt, and factional Roman empire. If you believe (and I don't) that inefficiency was the primary cause of collapse, then why did this occur in Rome and not in China, which I believe had several dynasties that ended with totally endemic corruption and inefficiency, yet were replaced with new dynasties without the collapse of the entire culture? I won't dwell on this question because of forum rules. China was a different society. Different aspirations, problems, and expectations. Complex societies respond to crisis with additional investments in complexity Not always. That's one course of action possible, but in some cases, the Romans eliminated or re-aligned sections of society they thought were unnecessary or devicive. To reason that the Roman Collapse (or should that be 'Deflation'?) was simply an extension of complexity is absurd. It may have been part of the problem, but also bear in mind the changes in mindset of the population as they progressed from the old order toward the immigrant and slave descended majority, or the increasing instances of disease, the economic losses that were due to excessive spending, imbalance in foreign trade, and increasing instabil;ity on the frontiers (not to mention raiding), the failure to maintain standards in the late imperial legions, and the polarisation of communities which could not possibly be described in terms of complexity.

Which japanese army aeroplanes had armour in 1941? I wonder if you can name them? I think you'll find the armour was fitted later in response to experience of allied air power. Bear in mind the japanese had been fighting an air war in China for some time and hadn't considered protecting the pilot unnecessarily bearing in mind many aircraft uinvolved were barely out of the biplane era without any protection whatsoever. As regards cultural no-no's, this is well documented. It's interesting to read the opinions of japanese test pilots flying captured enemy aircraft - they always have a different angle on it. Also you should bear in mind the transition from the older biplane period was not well received by experienced pilots of any nation. Many thought enclosed cockpits were a disadvantage in combat because it removed important sensory information. Ernst Udet, a skilled WW1 ace, said "This will never make a fighter" when first shown the Bf109. (He was later to become its most ardent champion). Italian pilots almost demanded that early monoplanes remove the cockpit cover. The japanese were more willing As regards the Zero, although a fleeting similarity to certain US racers has led people to believe the designer basically copied the idea, the Zero was a development of previous designs incorporating state of the art features, not to mention fulfilling a demanding japanese Navy specification for a new carrier fighter which Nakajima thought was impossible to achieve, in much the same way as the 109 or Spitfire had. The use of a wimpy engine was because the japanese had not previously developed a more powerful one - there weren't any better engines available to japanese manufacturers (bearing in mind the import restrictions enforced by US sanctions and the desire of the japanese to create their own industrial self sufficiency) and also remember that the use of these engines had been tested in China. As far as the Japanese were concerned, their aircraft were superior irrespective how lacking in power they may have been. Furthermore, I would point out that whilst the Zero was reportedly an excellent flyer, it did suffer from excessive aerodynamic loads on the controls above 300mph, effectively removing the manoeverability advantage. At top speed, an aeroplane is unlikely to perform aerobatics at its best, and that's true of any airframe, so bear in mind that even with mach 2 modern jets, combat manoevers generally occur at around 400mph, a speed at which the balance between drag and power allow the aircraft to manoever effectively. With WW2 aeroplanes this was closer to 200-250mph depending on type.

It's misery month in Britain right now. never mind all tjhose predictions of economic woes and european isolation, it's raining. That might suprise a few people given that Britain has a repuation for damp weather, but you see, most of our dampness is down to showers which do have a habit of catching people out. Today however is wet. It will probably be wet all day. That means I probably will be too. Yes, It's Happened Again No I don't mean rain showers, but meteorite showers. The Gemenids are about to fall to Earth in a spectacular display over the next two nights and guess what - The skies are cloudy and grey. That always happens. Every time. I've realised that Britain will survive the next major meteorite strike on Earth by the simple expedient of hiding beneath rainclouds. Also Wet Today Unlike a famous dance sequence by Gene Kelley, I won't be singin' in the rain on the way home. partly because I wouldn't be seen dead with an umbrella, partly because I don't enjoy getting wet, but mostly because the police will probably arrest me for possession of a voice with intent to cause breach of the peace. Plus I'm not that good a dancer. More likely I'll be shouted at by irate motorists. And splashed with water from the gutter. Oooh look. The sun has come out. Yeah, okay, I've been caught like that before.

The problem with playing Top Trumps is that it focuses on finite factors that ignore the operational considerations in aircraft deployment. Whilst the Tempest V might have had considerable performance it was not going to replace late model Spitfires as a frontline fighter. It had been designed not only as an improvement upon the earlier Typhoom but also to Air Ministry secification. Furthermore, the performance of the Tempest V was superior at low altitude, thus making the design more suitable as a fighter-bomber which indeed was the historical deployment. The FW190D series were very capable aircraft. Although I don't have any good sources on Russian fighters, the later ones were no pushovers either. Now as for the 109D & E series - they dominated not only because the aeroplanes were excellent flying machines (despite some hazardous shortcomings on the ground) but also because the Luftwaffee overwhelmed their enemies by sheer weight of numbers combined with the German doctrine of blitzkrieg and the consequent coordination of rapid ground operations. It meant essentially that enemy air forces weren't just shot down, but bombed and overrun. There were increasingly signs that the superiority of the 109 was a temporary factor - something the Germans themselves recognised in authorising development of successor designs - and some obscure types, some of which too late to enter service, held considerable promise. Shortly before the fall of France the Bloch 157 project revealed a top speed of 440mph, and that was in May 1940. As for the Fokker G1, a flawed concept. The idea of a twin engined fighter wasn't unusual and most air forces attempted to employ such aircraft on the principle of increased firepower, which unfortunately failed because the decreased performance and manoeverability would offset any advantage. Only the P38 Lightning showed any comparable capability and that was essentially obelete by the mid war period except in specialist roles which many twins eventually ended up assigned to. Whilst the G1 wasn't a bad aeroplane at all, it just wasn't good enough. The early japanese aeroplanes you mention reflect japanese thinking. Unlike western nations, the japanese were indoctrinated with a pseudo medieval martial spirit and for them, the idea of fighting in the air was no more than an extension of a sword duel between two warriors. Therefore manoeverability was seen as paramount and note that performance eventually became a dominant factor in the late war as the japanese eventually woke up to the idea that they had lost mastery of the skies by relying on outdated and culturally restricted tactics. Notice also that the japanese methodology of war was as always to strike quickly and strike first - that was why the japanese never really made extensive use of an encumbering protective shioeld in warfare, but instead used spears and swords in murderously quick combat alone. Combine that with the traditional concept that a man's life is temporary and death inevitable, the idea of protecting the pilot with armour served only to restrict the performance and manoeverability of the aircraft and therefore restrict the advantage these aeroplanes offered the 'samurai' pilot.

Thie idea that science fiction stories are relevant to the study of societal collapse is a little daft in my view, however much youlike reading the author. I have read that series myself incidentially. Proposition 3 - that complex societies incur more costs - is a somewhat generalised phrase. The nature of the complexity and the efficiency of administration are important factors that are being glossed over. In terms of the Roman empire, the later empire saw increases in bureaucracy with people seeking sinecures and more staff/retainers to improve their visual standing. That does indeed increase costs but repesents a failure of management, not an autiomatic circumstance. Also the apparent desire for local administration in the provinces is a moot point because the empire couldn't function any other way. That's why provinces had governors in the first place. The issues with the late Roman period evolve from the changing security situation. Whwereas in the past the Romans had picked off their enemies one by one or expanded to annex their territory and assets, the late empire had cordioned off Roman territory and defended a static border, combined with increasing instances of cooperation between the foreign tribes and a growing sense that Rome had become vulnerable despite their burdgeoning military. As Polybius points out, all nations eventually wither of their own accord. I've always said their was a political analogy to biological life. Nations form, grow, mature, and die of old age, disaster, or conquest. The late empire had ceased expansion, though in fairness, it had already reached the practical limits for doing so. They also saw an increase in petty bureaucracy and military recruitment, resorting to shabby means to find soldiers to fill the unwilling ranks and resulting in equally shabby means to avoid service. Notice also that the Dominate was increasingly insecure, both as an institution and also as central government. It wasn't therefore just a demand for local administration but a weakening of central control that had inspired Diocletian to subdivide the empire in the first place. The issue of security is just as relevant as politics however, and increasingly, as I mentioned, raids were becoming more frequent and daring in the face of exasperated Roman response. That was the reason for developing border and reaction forces in the Roman military, a system which relied on communication for effectiveness - and please note the communication system used by the late empire was not up to the job, not just because of organisational deficiencies, but also because of local interference and in some cases the consequences of local disasters like floods, earthquakes, and disease. The emergence of independence movements in the provinces wasn't anything new - ambitious generals had done that for centuries and rebellions were not unknown - but the late emperors were increasingly called upon to prioritise their responses to situations and inevitably some provinces were too far away and not productive enough to warrant the attention those provinces felt they deserved. Therefore the disatisfacvtion of local populations grew to rebellious proportions. Notice also that Britain was abandoned by Cobnstantine III too as he withdrew the remaining legions to campaign for imperial ambition on the continent. At that stage Rome was collapsing in on itself and the demands of Britain, and later Gaul, went unheeded as the power struggle increasingly centered around the positions of power.

Some would describe me as a eurosceptic. They're quite wrong of course, I'm a eurocritic. The shameless ambiton and manipulaton of some politicians intending to create a new european empire have been all too obvious. Paranoia? Conspiracy theory? It isn't just me who waggles a finger and warns about the actual intentions of the political initiatives to gain advantage from the current difficulties. Only yesterday I was watching a journalist voicing his opinion how France and Germany are trying to ignore the restrictions of previous treaties and dictate how the european economy will be run. The urge to unify Europe has always been hiding under the surface since Roman times, and in any case, where the potential exists for greater power, there will always be those who want to grab it for themselves, even if they have to create it first. It's no coincidence that France and Germany are both countries in the vanguard of these initiatives, as both had for a while at least, european empires of their own. Britains belligerent independent spirit tends to emerge whenever european empires make themselves known. That too is an inheritance of the past Naturally then I'm pleased that our glorious leader has stood firm and said no to pressure to bring our national finances under european control. Fight them on the beaches, Mr Cameron. After all, we once had an empire far larger than Hitler's or Napoleon's. Death Of An Empire While the clumsy struggles to create a european empire unfold around us, I saw a documentary on television that reminded me how fragile such empires can be. How such empires are often only possible by the sheer will of those that lead them. Not to mention the military force they can apply. The inner workings of russian politics is a rare subject to learn about in the west If it comes to that, I find it difficult to imagine Russia as anything other than the monolithic communist state that pointed nuclear missiles at me for most of my life. I am after all a product of my age. So I learned about the events in December 1991 when over a matter of days the Soviet Union passed into history, replaced by the confederation of independent states we see today, a tale of political manoevering, public demonstration, military deployment, and more than anything else a battle of wills between leading politicians on holiday at a country residence. The only way an ambitious Yeltsin could take power from Gorbachev was to remove the Soviet Union entirely. Wow. That's like getting a well paid job by blowing up your home town. And that guy had the keys to one of the worlds largest arsenals of nuclear warheads? No wonder they kept him drunk all the time. Where Is Russia, Exactly? As if the Russians hadn't enough to complain about regarding the dodgy goings on in their recent elections, now they're complaining that footage of demonstrations used by a certain american news program actually showed violence from Greece. Why were the Russians so worried about an American first strike scenario, or that cute missile shield they want installed in eastern europe? I mean, it's not like the US knows where any of the targets are. By the way. Avoid a greek package holiday if US-Russian relations hit an all time low. Just a little tip. Weather Of The Week Watching a global weather survey proved interesting. Temperatures in Britain have dipped close to those found in Moscow over the last few days. Not sure if that made me feel any better, but I had to laugh at a recent vacancy that was pushed under my nose recently. A sort of supply expert working for the territorials. I could learn lots of new skills like survival. I hate to break it to the army, but at my age the prospect of learning survival skills really doesn't count for a lot. I'm past fifty years of age, still here, still kicking, and able to cope with poverty and cold weather. My survival hazards have more to do with supermarket con tricks or over zealous claims advisors than cooking lizards in some arid wasteland. Talking about survival, not so long ago I made a comment about Scotland being used to snow and better able to cope than us southern softies. Well, I wasn't expecting nature to test scottish resolve with some furious weather like the scenes we witnessed on television over the weekend. I do sympathise, I really do. Back in 1987 I was driving a van while that hurricane struck. You don't forget that sort of thing very easily.

It would be an important step. The lion cult appears to be one of the earliest religions we can identify, associated with north east africa and asia minor, with some finds in south east europe at the forefront of human expansion. Since these were mobile tribal cultures in prehistoric times, it really is astounding that some commanality of belief can be detected. One wonders if these ancients had some form of political unity too, however primitive, and I note the earliest permanent shriones identified in Turkey revolve around animal icons.

He was a dishonest and manipulative man, not to mention someone who was capable of having his nearest and dearest bumped off. His greatness emerges from his patronage of christianity (despite being a life long pagan) and also for his attempt to unify the early christian sects to exploit religion as an arm of government, thus setting the scene for some of the worst excesses of the middle ages. Arguably he saved the Roman Empire from collapse, but since he was partially responsible for that situation by virtue of his ambition and consequent civil war against his rivals, he comes across as another king rat.

There was something different about the supermarket yesterday. The building was in the same place, still the same pastel yellow walls and off white polystyrene roof tiles. Still the same range of products more or less where they were the last time I was here. Even a few seasonal products in highly visible red packaging didn't explain my sense of foreboding. Got it. Music. Hard to miss it really since it was being played somewhat loudly. Mind you, calling that cacophony 'music' is stretching things a bit. Each song was identical, upbeat tempo's, plentiful tambourines, and happy go lucky melodies. Now that I think about it, the problem isn't really the supermarket at all. At the till I had a quiet word with the shop assistant. Could you tell the manager that we already know it's christmas? She blinked a couple of times, then realised what I meant. No, please, it wasn't that funny...Look, can I just pay for this stuff and go?....Please? Big Rocks NASA have been charting all the asteroids orbiting nearby and it seems there are thousands of big rocks hurtling around up there. That would be plausible of course, since Earth is lots of these rocks impacted together in the early days of the solar system, and any asteroids with stable orbits would still be orbiting instead of colliding. Still, it is worrying that we have so many Rocks of Damocles hanging above our heads. No-one seems to know quite what to do if any of these asteroids are discovered to be on a collision course. Most would be extremely damaging, to say the least, many potemtially with enough energy to wipe out our endangered species in spite of all those television campaigns to raise awareness. Come to think of it, humanity isn't exactly assurtred of survival in that situation either. By coincidence I was watching a documentary about a disturbing event in the stone ages. Neolithic farming communities had progressed toward prosperity using their new farming methods, and the older hunter/gatherer lifestyles had waned significantly. Settlements showed evidence of complex social structures, communal living, and sophisticated living. Yet all of a sudden, in a two to ten year span, they became cannibals. As a global society human beings do tend to be somewhat proud of their control over the planets surface, their vast networks of infrastructure and nests, and indeed, it seems to be a facet of succesful societies throughout history that we regard oursleves as masters of the Earth. Bow down and serve us, animals, lest we punish you for being so tasty to eat. But in what way are we actually in charge? As far as I can see from news of catastrophes around the war, humanity seems incredibly ill equipped to deal with the vagaries of weather, climate, and the occaisional geothermal disturbance. I've often said that civilisation is not an automatic quality of the human species. It's something that must be taught and encouraged, and even when we adopt 'civilised' living, we discover that the primeval barbarian is lurking under the skin. After all, our cats and dogs are loveablle family pets for the most part, yet their behaviour can turn feral very easily indeed. So what can we do to preserve our confortable lives in the event that an orbital rocks wobbles dangerously? Sadly, not much, although I suspect the survivalists will be very proud of themselves having invested in concrete bunkers and stocks of weaponry. At least, that is, until they realise no-one's making ammunition any more. I suppose we really do need to understand that humanity is not guaranteed survival, neither by divine decree, macho heroism, or superiorty complex. Civilisation is fragile, and in the natural quest for superiority in the enviroment, easily overturned by aggression and disaster. Okay, go ahead. Play that darn christmas music. Anything that preserves life as we know it. I must admit, those happy tunes do seem to be keeping the asteroids away.

Greatness is largely opinion after all. For every great man, you'll find someone with something nasty to say about him. Whilst I agree Marcus Aurelius wasn't perhaps the best emperor ever to sit on the throne, I would have tio describe him as a relatively lacklustre leader. Then again, what are we comparing him with? Very few emperors made an impression. Many had gotten there by foul means and really only wanted to be important than do important things. The fact that Marcus Aurelius was more inclined to philosophy merely indicates the character he was. Other great leaders in history had similar inclinations that did not interfere with their reputations. What we're missing here is that despite Marcus Aurlius's personal goals, despite the fact he warred with germanic tribes to restore order, he didn't really achieve anything noteworthy. That's what a Roman was remembered for. Peace? Prosperity? Only if he had won it by force of arms. Only if he had earned that elusive glory that was so essential for elevation to heroic status. Unfortunately for our lacklustre emperor, he tended to leave the fighting to his better qualified generals, thus never accrued the reputation among his contemporaries that would read of and admire today.

Not really. It's all show business. Being brash is a method of getting attentioon and once people talk about you, there's a much better chance of profitting from them, although obviously if you do it without the co-operation of those that promte you or the profits vanish, it all comes crashing to a halt. That's show business.

The other night I was finished with my bad mood and instead became sort of reflective, thinking about things I'd done in the past, things I should have done in the past, and basically having a sort of middle aged moment. Not suprisingly I thought of my time as the drummer in Red Jasper. It's funny how unique we were as a band in those days. First there was me. Never had a drummer been so reliable and still scary when I drove the van. Then there was Carlos Santana wannabe Robin Harrison. Never had a man achieved so much by doing absolutely nothing. His compatriot, Tony Heath, who played anything we needed him to. Never before has a band member risked getting sacked for pretending to be in the band. Singer Dave Dodds, who became a success by avoiding the truth religiously, and the dastardly Pat D'Arcy, who remains the only person ever to be completely unsuccesful by trying to be the only band member who did anything. Where are they now I wonder? As for me the truth is out. You only need to read this blog. Robin and a few others we knew from those days are still performing. Pass straight to Go. Do not collect

Neither do the english. Wales is that sort of country I guess.

Why do people get so stressed up at christmas? Actually I already know. It's a rather sad obsession with pleasing the recipient, when really it's on the recipient to grin and say thank you. My father was the worlds worst for receiving presents. He once went into a tantrum because I bought a pack of blank DVD's that apparently wren't compatible with his computer. Stupid old sod gets sweet fanny adams these days. Ahh yes... Stress free christmas... Oh hello, what's that noise outside? Oh no, carol singers... Gah!

Okay... Let's see... Last TV program? As of last night it was American Dad. Not my favourite of course. It just happened to be on before I went to bed. Films... That's difficult because I rasrely watch a film all the way through now. Tora Tora Tora has to be the last one I saw completely through I think. Wooden as heck and the first half induces a sense of induced coma, but the battle scenes are first rate and much more realistic than the special effects laden modern version, in no small part due to the replica japanese aeroplanes used in the filming. Radio? Well the only radio I listen to now is classic rock. Popular music these days is just incomprehensibly awful. But hey, you get old sooner or later. Rock on. Podcast? What's that? The last game I played was Armed Assault. I'm pretty useless at it really, getting shot the moment combat starts, but the editor is so good I just love setting up missions. There is an add-on from czechoslovakia which creates a sort of articial war - that kind of works for me, rather like an offline multiplayer game. Last piece of roman reporduction clothing I wore... Erm... Guys, I hate to break it to you, but isn't Roman fashion a little out of date?

Most people are tutting and shaking their heads, but for the most part, they're just following the herd. Some voices have raised above the parapet having learned that Clarkson OK'd the comments before the show aired with the show producers. Other than that, we've forgotten it entirely. As for his bosses, that's another matter. Obviously I wouldn't know.

Boy oh boy am I in a bitchin' mood. I guess you too sometimes feel that when the world reveals itself as being layered in pooh, which if you think about it, happens to be pretty much the case. But I'm not interested in your woes right now. This is my blog you know. Among the many comments and appraaisals I've received of late is the opinion that I'm not funny. Oh. Sorry about that. It depends on your sense of humour of course, but it hasn't escaped my notice that the very same people who accuse me of 'not being funny' are the very same ones who fall over laughing when I pass by. Go figure. The other opinion offered last night was some young fella who reckoned he was getting sick of me. Why? I have no idea who that youngster was or where I've encountered him. Now either I'm suffering from alzheimers or he's so insignificant I didn't notice when I passed him by. Guess he should have laughed louder. The thing is, as I always say, if people talk about you, you're famous. So last night was my five minute fix for the night. Sorry, no autographs. Second Class Service It came as no suprise to watch the news last and find that the big four supermarket chains in Britain are getting up to shabby tricks to increase profits. Sorry, but that's what it is. Only the other week I spotted bottles of black pepper for 69p each. Bargain! Or so I thought. When the lady on the till announced how much I'd spent in total I was a bit suprised. Well... Perhaps I miscalculated.... As it turns out my mental arithmetic was a bit better than that. The problem with shabby tricks is that they're always played when you're lulled into a false sense of security. As for the black pepper, it turned out the actual price was

Right. Chores completed, job clubs attended, shopping done. Time for me to head home and do the usual 'feet up' routine. I might be unemployed, but I need to stay in practice for when someone figures out how to get Britain out of the recession. Whichever one it is we're currently suffering from. As usual there were crowds of unemployed immigrants standing on street corners just about everywhere. At least I think they were unemployed. No matter. I have seat to fill at home. So with a quick glance over my shoulder I stride across the road junction and pay the crowds no further attention. As I did so a young manager type in his spotlessly white and chrome base model executive car decided to turn into the side street. I was about halfway across when it was obvious I was about to be run over. Luckily the driver in this case was a moderate sort who didn't believe in mowing down innocent pedestrians. Unfortunately, he was one of those who likes to challenge pedestrians for ownership of the ashpalt. So without further ado he drove right up to me, and I mean, within inches. I made my displeasure known to him. Well clearly that young man either hasn't read the Highway Code or considers himself exempt by virtue of his base model executive transport. I suspect my angry response didn't teach him anything either. A part of me hopes he'll learn an important lesson about patience and respect for other road users, but it does appear that eventually it's going to be a magistrate who instructs him. Snow? Snow? What the...? The warning symbols as the weather report got underway were something of a suprise. I mean, it might have gotten colder of late, but in real terms it really isn't that bad for this time of year. Oh, I see, it's just Scotland that's going to get it. Oh that's all right. They're used to it. Let's face it, there some drivers who can't handle snow south of the border. Can you imagine? Snow on a monday morning? What a disaster that would be. News Of The Week "Hey!" Cried an breathless Young L as he rode his bicycle through the door of the museum. "Have you seen the news about Jeremy Clarkson?" Funnily enough we had. I'd even mentioned it on my blog a day or two before. Sadly Young L regards football as more important than my literary efforts so once again he launched into a series of anecdotes about his favourite Top Gear moments. I think it was a series. Bit difficult to tell because he didn't pause for breath. Either that or the lads from Dunsfold made one heck of an episode. Finally I could take no more. Interrupting Young L in full flow, I turned to Young S and asked him how many episodes of Top Gear had ever been made. That many? Really? Okay, carry on...

What? You mean... Hollywood has lied to us? Texas is habitable? I jest of course. Actually when you think about it the histories I've read about the american west do often mention cattle farming and such, so obviously there must have been something there for them to eat. Like juicy fresh christmas trees maybe

Tis the season of dreary grey weather. All the neon signs have been attached to lamposts in anticipation of that supposedly magical commercial festival at the end of the month, not to mention a small village of wooden sheds for a temporary market in the town centre. Come to think of it, for some reason the public have decided that filling the streets was a good idea. If that was because they had time to spare while they were on strike against government cuts, then it's something of an eye-opener. I mean, what do all these public-sector workers do when they're not shopping? It was just my luck to try and pick up a few snacks at the supermarket right in the middle of Walk Slowly Day. Oh curse my rapid gait! No. Forget that. Curse you pedestrian! I dunno, filling up the pavement with idle memvbers of the public? What is the world coming to? Oooh no wait. As I type this tirade against mindless meandering a council bird handler is walking outside. He's got some bird of prey with him to tackle the menace of pidgeons, and what a lovely animal it is. Don't know the breed. Sort of black with brown and white trim. Yes, the pidgeons have realised the threat. There they go. Well done that bird. That's it! That's the solution to all those pedestrians blocking my progress. I need a bird of prey. Darn. If only giant pterodactyls hadn't gone extinct. Don't Worry mate Jeremy Clarkson is in a spot of bother right now. The BBC have issued an apology for his comments about yesterdays strike action, which oddly enough was more or less the same as my comments except I used a few less firing squads. Can't see any news item about the BBC issuing an apology for what I said though. That sort of discrimation is typical of the public sector television company and gosh darn it I've had to fork out another hundred and fifty quid for a license to watch them issuing apologies. You have my sympathies Mr Clarkson. As for Jon Trickett, Labour's shadow minister for the cabinet office, please do shut up. It's over. It achieved nothing. And I'm no better off.

Noooo... Still struggling to see anything... Is this one of this 'magic picture' things that plays tricks with the senses? Or is it a mystuical ley line for conducting earth energies to the spiritual home of the druids? Or is it a secret wartime chart for bombers on a daring mission to crush welsh morale with a heavyweight straegic bombing offensive? Or is it a secret road for those drivers privileged enough to be exempt from speed cameras? Or has Pythagoras been revealed as a welshman?

You have a slight advantage over me there it must be said. The trouble is my impressions of Texas and Arizona come from watching cowoboys ride across the area and it's invariably arid. The thought of apache indians shouting 'mush' and whipping their reindeers to make their sleighs go faster is very hard for me to imagine. With the BBC showing their latest Frozen Planet documentaries right now, you would think someone would tell David Attenborough about it.