caldrail

A great deal has been written about the decadency of the Roman Empire. Inspired largely by Suetonius, this has long been part of the popular imagination and is illustrated eagerly by film and tv. It isn't entirely fictional given the excesses that did take place. The Republic on the other hand is often given a more saintly image (albeit a ruthless military one), where democratic institutions and the rule of law are paramount. Again, there is some truth to that, but this belies the essential character of the roman people. In social terms, populations do not change character immediately. Any change from a law abiding society to that considered decadent can only occur gradually, with the erosion of public standards and regard for behaviour. The roman people had a system of law instituted by public demand that carried very harsh sentences, indicating a society with little tolerance for aberrant behaviour and a deep desire to see justice done. These principles, indirectly responsible for the birth of the Republic in the first place, were to be eroded by those who no longer desired their restrictions or those who wanted break the boundaries of acceptable behaviour for their own satisfaction. From a stern restrictive society we see a move toward a capitalist bear-pit under the temptations of imperial gain. Theodor Mommsen, a german historian in the late 19th century, studied this decline of the Roman Republic in some detail, and he left us a number of factors that led toward the hedonistic Principate. His viewpoint is particularly interesting since he lived in a time when public standards were high, and he naturally saw events in roman history as indicative of moral degeneration. He wrote his A History of Rome from the perspective that roman history, based on democratic ideals after the rejection of monarchy, finished with the accession of Augustus. Whether or not you agree with that, he made some insightful observations about the Republic in decline. 1 - Public Acceptance of Oriental Astrology In addition to the roman gods, oriental cults were making themselves felt by the end of the Hannabalic War. Compared to roman rites, these provocative displays were adopted by romans almost as a rebellion against the dour nature of republican life, and although Mommsen fails to stress the point, it appears that (understandably) it tended to be the younger element that felt drawn to such cults. The cult of Atargatis is noteworthy as the first semitic divinity to colonise Italy, largely through syrian slaves in rural areas. Indeed, Chaldaean astrologers were making inroads in rural Italy finding customers amongst the poor, to the extent that Cato advised landlords that seeing them off the property was a good idea. Its perhaps no coincidence that a sicilian slave revolt of 134BC was started by a follower of Atargatis, a slave from Apamea. The cult of Bacchus is highlighted specifically by Mommsen. Known for its nocturnal revels this very hedonistic cult was blamed for all manner of lapses in public morality... ...spreading like a cancer, had rapidly reached Rome and propagated itself all over Italy, everywhere corrupting families and giving rise to the most heinous crimes, unparalleled unchastity, falsifying of testaments, and murdering by poison. More than 7000 men were sentenced to punishment, most of them to death, on this account, and rigorous enactments were issued as to the future; yet they did not succeed in repressing the system, and six years later (180BC) the magistrate to whom the matter fell complained that more than 3000 men more had been condemned and still there appeared no end of the evil. A History of Rome - Theodor Mommsen 2 - Emancipation of Women Under roman tradition a woman was either the property of her father, guardian, or husband. She had no property nor rights of management. However, women were increasingly attempting to rid themselves of guardianship and assume responsibility for property. Mock marriages for this purpose were increasingly common. So much wealth had been collected in womens hands that in 169BC the senate ruled against the naming of women as heirs. They were beginning to have a will of their own public matters and statues of women were being erected. To our eyes this all seems a chauvanistic attitude, yet it shouldn't be dismissed since this was a fundamental change in social emphasis, one immediately obvious to a historian in a society yet to adopt the same changes. 3 - Availability of Luxury Items Luxury items, for all their attractiveness, distract attention from more important day to day matters, not to mention the cash it takes to purchase them. Following the defeat at Cannae a law against such things as gold ornaments, colourful clothes, and chariots was passed. After peace was achieved in 195BC these laws were overturned. Furniture, clothes, jewelry, cutlery, carpets, all in increasing opulence were finding their way into roman hands. It was also noticeable that women were a major force in overturning these restrictions. Its highly likely that prices for these items increased with demand. 4 - Changes of Eating Habit The romans had for a long time restricted themselves to one hot meal a day, prepared more often than not by the women of the house. These habits changed after the Punic Wars as increasingly a second hot meal was prepared, increasingly by cooks either hired or resident as slaves. Specialisation of cookery meant that baker-shops were established, and later, this specialisation would remove much of the cookery from even common people in the city of Rome altogether. Literature on the art of good eating emerges in line with importation of foreign delicacies. We also now know just how prevalent roman fast food was to become, and this must have emerged in the late Republic as a convenient way to satisfy hunger for people too busy with business to concern themselves with family meals. 5 - Fondness for Gambling It must be said, the romans were keen gamblers. It is true that dice games were present in roman society very early on, yet after the Punic Wars the extent of such pleasures had reached the point where legislation was drafted against it. 6 - Ever More Idleness It was observed toward the end of the Republic that romans were less willing to work, preferring to remain idle. This must have been accentuated by the influx of unemployed farmers ousted by competition with larger estates and their slave labour. Cato proposed to have the market paved with pointed stones to urge people to follow their direction, and as with so many of his laws, this was not taken seriously by common people. Its an interesting point that if such people were able to live without earning wages, they must have secured an easier source of income. For some this was done via patronage by begging from their social betters. For others, it must have been something less legal or socially acceptable. Mommsen himself stated that - When a man no longer finds enjoyment in work, and works merely in order to attain as quickly as possible to enjoyment, it is a mere accident that he does not become a criminal. 7 - Demand For Entertainment Roman festivals were increasing in length and number. Gladiatorial combat, introduced into the Forum in 264BC, was also more prevalent and so too were private viewings of their fights. These formal dinner parties were now fashionable, a chance to indulge and impress with displays of luxuries. Entertainers were hired for these occasions. Whereas once a sing-song and a poetic recitation were enough, now it was more important to thrill and suprise their guests with novelties. Greek athletes, previously sneered at for their un-roman nakedness, were introduced in 186BC as entertainment alongside the native wrestlers and boxers. The greek style pancration, a form of no-holds-barred fighting, was also finding a firm foothold in roman culture. Hunting foxes and hares, once a rural community pastime, had been transfered to the arena and was beginning to establish the empire-wide commercial enterprise to entertain the public with displays of exotic beasts and their demise. Whereas once a consul of Rome had divorced his wife for attending funeral games in 268BC, by the late Republic laws were enacted prohibiting the importation of wild beats to Rome, and forbidding gladiators from public festivals. Needless to say, commercial pressure and the public demand for entertainment overcame these restrictions. Animal baiting was held back for many years, yet it was noticed that artistic entertainments did not satisfy the public. At triumphal games in 167BC, greek flute players were ordered to down their instruments and begin boxing, to the immense pleasure of their previously bored audience. 8 - Love of Money Paul stated that the love of money was the root of all evil, and in the romans, the desire to be wealthy did indeed flower. With luxuries and influence available it was only a matter of cash to obtain them. For luxuries, this meant a great deal of it, which was another motive for obtaining them, since the display of luxury living was indicative of your wealth and hence standing in the roman community. The definition of social status by wealth was inherited from the greeks with the hoplite citizen army, a system by which a man purchased his own equipment and thus his military status, something further reinforced by the organisation of the popular voting assemblies and the restrictions of entry into the senate. Needless to say, this coloured the attitude of romans and it was reported that more and more marriages were made as financial speculation, so much so that marrriage presents were refused legal validity. The romans believed in caveat emptor (Let the buyer beware) and did so for a reason. It was becoming common practice to 'bend' the law to achieve financial success and even personal relationships were geared to this end. Money had become everything. Notice that violence isn't on the list. It might be that Mommsen considered violence, so endemic in roman character, as a symptom of the roman malaise rather than a cause. Perhaps the most interesting exclusion from this list of factors given by Mommsen is promiscuity. The ready availability and cheap price of prostitutes by the time of the Principate is well known. This must have been true of the late republic too, and its as well to recall that in the slave markets of Delos, some ten thousand people were brought in and sold the same day during that period. Mommsen does mention the increasing possession of child slaves as pets, and although the modern perspective is deeply suspicious of such things there is no direct evidence of sexual intent - though given human nature paedophilia must have existed. Mommsen has outlined how personal relationships of all kinds were changing with free time, wealth, and moral expectation. The family, such a basic foundation in roman culture, was becoming a tool for social and personal advancement in a very cynical manner. Rome had become an enviroment where keeping up with the Jonesii was a primary motivation. As Rome became successful, the potential rewards had made the romans ever more competitive. Is it so suprising then that at the very end of the Roman Republic, when individuals amassed military and financial power, that the temptation to use it for absolute power in contravention of roman tradition became unavoidable?

But not in the legions I'm afraid. That was a preserve for men, and only those with an acceptable background, temperament, and physique. Since women were traditionally the property of a father/guardian/husband, how could they properly fit in? In any case, a woman could well have been a distraction. The sort of concerns that modern armies have for women in the front line were even more true back then. However - women slaves of ordinary soldiers are a possibility although I've seen absolutely no evidence for that. The roman legions were an enviroment all of themselves, a world apart, in some ways above civilian law, with a regime for hard physical training and labour that doesn't suit the average female, particularly one brought up not to think or do as men.

Its getting dangerous walking to and from work. That car salesman is watching me walk past like a predator on the african savanna under the shade of a tree. Quick Caldrail, avert your eyes, he'll think your wallet is open.... I've passed Santa on the street. looking very dapper, even effete without his usual white beard, and obviously on a diet. I think its like any celebrity, downdressing to avoid the publics attention. Is it just me, or is this going to be the dullest christmas ever? usually at this time of year I get idiotic smiles and seasonal greetings from complete strangers, but not this time. Everyone just wanders around looking aimless. Has the government finally achieved its aim of turning us into robots, bereft of instructions on what to do during the festive season? Perhaps this is some subtle government strategy to support our ailing prime minister, GB, who clings to power like a child about to be stripped of his toy. Anyhow, regardless of government policy and religious dogma, Have a merry xmas everyone. Except GB, who really does need to ask us whether he can play at Number 10. Quote of the Week "Floods should be treated like terrorism" said an author recently. Oh? Does that mean I have to take more care running the bath? Am I at risk of SAS and SWAT teams bursting through my bathroom window with stun grenades, pointing real live pistols at my head, and screaming "TURN THAT TAP OFF NOW!!!!" Does this mean that sewage workers will receive medals for bravery? Will the army mount patrols every time it rains? Or will our nanny-state government offer VIP's security teams to ward off puddles? Wellies are not enough protection these days, we demand fast, armed responses to water escaping our rivers. Didn't Canute try this once?

Wow, Neph, thats really digging the deep. One might suspect you're a closet Who fan? Don't worry, your secret is safe with me. However, you might like to know that there's rumours the modern doctor (David Tennant) is due to revisit Rome. Believe you me, its going to make the 1965 episode look like a fly on the wall documentary. Order your popcorn now while stocks last! For an atmospheric depiction of the Roman Empire, Caligula has to be the absolute worst. Wooden acting, cheap sets, and a cast of actors who look uncormfortable at having to pay the bills by appearing in a soft *or* movie.

The romans were indiscrimate butchers whenever it suited them. Crassus nailed up six thousand rebels for a reason. Galba slaughtered nine thousand lusitanians and enslaved more than twenty thousand others to seal his victory. It didn't matter what the senate thought, these people did it anyway. Even Galba, dragged in front of the senate for his actions, was let off by the expedient of parading his upset kids in front of them. Incorrect. It was a matter of military policy adopted by roman commanders. The romans legionaries were brutal men. They had to be, and there's planty of anecdotal evidence of their use of violence against ordinary citizens. Slave taking is common practice in human societies and the romans were no exception. The ancient world accepted slavery as normal activity. I'm not aware of any ancient society that didn't. No, some romans were rational enough. Others weren't. Of course greed helps, and this is a primary motive for territorial gain, in terms of resources, markets, taxes, and booty (including slaves I notice). In any case, the romans were not building an empire for rational reasons. Many of those involved in its expansion were doing so for selfish reasons or were acting on behalf of those with these motives. Power, glory, wealth - all availble to those who took the risks and won. It isn't suprising there were bad apples in roman society really. After all, brute force was nothing unusual to romans who tolerated such behaviour in daily life and always had.

I'll bump into things if I don't. Looks like I'm going to be a pedestrian for a long time to come.

Tell yer what, when he drops the Modena off I'll remind him then

A prisoner was treated according to his utility. As Nephele suggests, an influential leader might be useful as a hostage in some circumstances - there was no guarantee, nor any he would survive if the romans got what they wanted. Some were used as examples, such as Vercingetorix, who was eventually bumped off when his usefulness was over. ordinary people might be slaughtered on the spot, and the taking of prisoners wasn't roman policy, although obviously it happened, and selling them into slavery must have been a nice little earner - which was probably a primary motive for taking prisoners in the first place.

What is it about Christmas? All of a sudden the town center is full of people ambling about clogging up the pavement. Millions of them. They're everywhere. Where do these people come from? Is there a warehouse somewhere that stores them until the festive season? Are our motorways clogged every year by mass distribution of shoppers? Someone in town called out to me. I couldn't see who it was given the swarms of shoppers sweeping majestically across the road. She used my real name which is something increasingly rare these days. Omitting the usual taunts and insults, I've been called Gary, Paul, and Alan. UT of course has called me Alfie. At my previous job, there was a jovial woman of afro-carribean origin we shall know as Miss J, who for some unknown reason decided my name was Alfred, a name which stuck and became my nickname there. I asked Miss J why she called me that. She said - "You look like an Alfred". Ask a stupid question. So as usual, I enter the office to collect paperwork for the days stock check. "Sooooo.... Alfred..." She would say as soon as she spotted me, and then she would ask personal questions right in front of the assembled staff going about their business. Did I detect some interest here? I did indeed, and for the period of my stay there my boss, DS, considered me betrothed. Don't get me wrong, Miss J is a friendly sort, but you know how something raises hairs on the back of your neck? Ok, I've no reason to believe she's a cannibal, nor is she an axe-murderess, nor does she keep giant mutant spiders as pets. So why did DS smile mischievously whenever Miss J wiggled at me? Strange Goings On In Rushey Platt Up until now I always doubted Santa existed. Not any more. Today I spotted one of his minions, a green clad elf in a blue van, driving through Rushey Platt. I gave him a salute, and he returned a big smiley grin. Now I know. The North Pole is a clever ruse to put investigators off the scent. The real location of Santa's HQ is Rushey Platt. Ideally placed in central southern England with easy access to the motorway. I have a horrible feeling I once worked in his grotto without realising. It would explain a few things... STOP PRESS!! Santa has been spotted! Yes, its true, he was seen just now obtaining money from a hole in the wall machine. I knew I was right. That means he must have parked the sleigh somewhere near here.... But not at the car dealer with a Ferrari 360 in the rough part of town. Apparently I can come back when I've got

Awwwwwww that was kind of you. Cars like Maxie don't drive off the end of production lines every day I'm afraid (at least, not unless you're a premiership footballer). As for my sanity - who needs it? What is sanity anyway? How do you judge someone sane? Its a viewpoint, a biased observation, a comparison to a fixed standard, which kind of suggests we're all judged against a subjective 'normality'. I on the other hand don't care to much for being restricted to peer acceptability. I therefore cannot be considered normal, and must therefore be a raving looney anyway. Since no-one else is exactly like me, I therefore must conclude that everyone else is basically nuts too. Apart from DS, who's been to the Nutty Club and obviously has been cured of her looniness. Not that you can actually see any difference of course...

There I was, blissfully asleep after a long night before, woken by my mobile phone. Its AD, asking me if I wanted to come in on my day off. No, not really, but one has to make sacrifices to impress the boss (don't really want to be dumped by the roadside again). So, hungover and bleary eyed, I trudge into work to find that AD has decided to take the day off and so I must assume command of the operation. Lorries turn up to collect our goods but don't know what they're supposed to be taking away. I don't know which vendor I'm supposed to be supplying. Daily and seasonal picks delayed by our move are now going live. Where's the pallets? Where's the shrinkwrap? More containers coming in and I can't subject them to qualtiy control because our machines are stacked up in the racks. Not that it matters, we still don't have an office. Has AD done this on purpose? Is this some sadistic trial by fire designed to forge the ultimate manager? Stay cool Caldrail.... Oh no, not another stock query.... Obituary of the Week Its with some sadness that I must announce that my poor car, Maxie, is been put in mothballs, probably for disposal at some future date. The various unrequested modifications and mechanical defects, not to mention an engine that is now solely responsible for global warming, has meant that getting it through a Ministry of transport Test is all but too expensive. She's going to be a hard act to follow.

There are posts on these forums dealing with roman food if you care to do a search. I would have thought though by 500AD that roman food had become simpler, with less accent on the clever dishes designed to resemble something else (a pastry pigs head for instnce) which delighted well to do diners.

Its a case of differing military philosophies. Roman generals were happy to accept high casualty rates if it secured the victory they were after. After all, there were plenty potential recruits to be had back home (usually, anyway, apart from the punic wars and a slight case of panic by Augustus) For the medieval nobility however, there were only so many men in high places, all of whom were expected to be warriors. Its noticeable that during the period there were men being knighted after the battle, to maintain numbers. As for the staggering loss, how about this? - After the crusaders had finally assaulted and taken Antioch (1098?), they found themselves trapped in the city without any food and water by a turkish army. One young crusader (Peter Bartholemew) produced a spear and claimed it was the very spear that had pierced the breast of Jesus. Suitably inspired, the half delirious knights sallied forth in small numbers and charged the turkish army, routing them completely without loss. Does that put the medieval armoured horseman in perspective? Ok, its an eye-opener, but they didn't always have it their own way. During the march toward Antioch a great many of these men discarded or sold armour, possessions, and animals in order to survive. Some were riding donkeys by the time they got to the holy lands. Or perhaps during the Agincourt campaign when french knights were entangled in mud by virtue of fashionable cloth adornments to their armour, and easily dispatched by the opportunist english commonry.

What might be worthwhile is asking re-enactors for their opnions. Granted they don't actually hack each other down in cold blodd, but they do have first hand experience of handling confrontations and equipment. They may well be able to fill you in on practical details.

It may seem that way, but essentially there's little difference. Many roman politicians weren't installed by such dubious means, and the reason why we stress the ones that were is because of the scandal involved. Whereas an ordinary unexceptional politician achieves position normally and doesn't make waves, a ruthless, even murderous politician is hardly going to escape notice. Although I believe roman politics was inherently more corrupt than today (though you have to wonder sometimes!), if you think about it, today we still have smear campaigns, political assassinations etc. Its just now with modern detection and policing its a bit harder to get away with it, so there's a deterrent involved.

Oh no, I'm melting.......

Thats the tragedy - its not a rust bucket at all, its a very clean Eunos with a relatively tasteful aftermarket body kit fitted. I'm on low earnings at moment (thats what happens when your previous boss dumps you by the wayside) so its going to be a while before I surrender to instinct and buy something equally ridiculous - and by the way, I notice as I walked home tonight there's a 360 Modena for sale at a car dealer (in a rough part of town no less!), selling for

Who should I bump into today, but AS. This guy is reliable, a good worker, and a good communicator. Ok, he likes his tea breaks, but at least he does something useful in-between conversations. He used to work for SB in the Hangar, now he works for our new host company, and a lot happier he is too. Thing is, AS is annoyed at Big H, who sent a text message on his mobile phone to the effect that he was in the Hangar. Then he sent a text message to tell AS he was working in the office. Then he sent a message to tell AS saying he was burning his old clock cards. Then he sent another text message. And another. And Another. And so on. Twenty five messages an hour. AS took a break, got in his car, drove over to the Hangar, found Big H, and told him to stop it, before returning to work at peace with the world. It appears Big H is keeping the market for mobile phones very healthy indeed. The americans can rest easy however. Big H has been denied entry. Not only does he like keeping people informed about current events in the Hangar, he also has a fondness for matches. Now they tell me. Public Performance of the Week As is typical of my car, it decided it didn't want to speak to me anymore and jammed the drivers side door again. This time right in front of the gatehouse and the security cameras. Squeezing in through the passenger side door is definitely the way to make an impression, don't you think? Despite another public performance from yours truly, YouTube still hasn't turned me into a superstar. Life is so unfair...

I don't have enough info to help you directly, but you might want to take a look at the organisation of the Comitia Centuriata, whose top band were the 'cavalry' of peoples voting assembly and were to become the equeatrian order. Perhaps this might point you in the right direction?

Today has been my first day at the new warehouse. Poor old AD can't cope, there's no official office for us yet (Its a portacabin buried behind stock in another unit nearby) and he's got nowhere to plug in his fridge and microwave. Now there's a man with priorities. At the moment, our office is a pile of pallets shoved into one corner. Cool. Especially in winter... And what a site! Its huge!! Enormous!!! They give you a map when you sign in at security and boy oh boy do you need it. Warehousing units everywhere, lorries to-ing and fro-ing, forklifts shuttling around looking lost. A very busy place, and given they're supporting local car manufacturers, it isn't suprising. So far I've learned how to negotiate the front employee door. But not the second, which I discovered was only an old door propped up against the wall, and after it fell on me, thankfully without anyone noticing, I managed to locate the rest area. Such pit stops are a necessity of warehousing life. But hats off to our new hosts, they're very helpful and so far I haven't had to glare angrily at any of them as I walk past. Talking of SB, there were rumours he'd applied for a job with them. He's been a supervisor for years and years, pretty much doing his own thing in the Hangar. Now thats closed, he must join the real world and discover that sunshine doesn't hurt. His only problem is how to get a well paid warehouse supervisory job looking like a coal miner. We shall see. Road Hump of the Week Yes, those mammoth obstructions at our new site are truly awesome. Automotive Mt Everests, which my poor old Eunos struggles to negotiate. I grimace as something expensive grates on the asphalt ridge, proving beyond all doubt that off-road vehicles do have a place in Britain. Just one. And no, I still won't buy a 4x4, because my body parts are large enough already thank you. Thats my story, and I'm sticking to it.

Me? Last year I bought a 'grey import ' Eunos Cabriolet, a older car that had been reworked for track days and ran like a formula ford. Even had one of those napoleonic twelve pounder exhausts, which I think are fundamentally naff, but what a glorious noise it made. Sadly, someone nobbled the car and its a now a complete lemon.

Possibly, but then why do you assume there will be a WWIII? The last century was overshadowed by a conflict of ideology that began in 1914, arguably because everyone had prepared for mass-mobilisation and that once the balloon went up, no-one could stop the process for fear of creating havoc with the carefully prepared railway schedules. There's a stroty that Kaiser Wilhelm ordered champaign because the 1914 war had been averted, only to be corrected by one of his generals who pointed out that it wasn't possible to stop the movement of so many troops. The war of 1914-18 had consequences that led directly to the second. There was a newspaper cartoon that showed Clemenceau leaving the Versailles peace talks and commenting that it was strange - he could hear a child crying - and the child was labelled 'Class of 1940'. How prophetic. The facist/communist/democratic struggle in WWII led directly to the Cold War which lasted until the 90's, a struggle of political domination and much sabre rattling, with the full scale war ironically averted by the threat of mutually assured destruction. Its interesting to note that both democratic and communist sides were convinced the other was ready to invade and conquer. There is also a sobering story that during the Cold War, the soviet defenses registered an all out nuclear attack from the US. The commanders were within seconds of ordering a retaliatory strike but for a lowly lieutenant, who convinced his superiors that the alarm was only faulty wiring. It isn't so ridiculous to regard the Cold War as WWIII, given that military conflict was played out in third world countries with surrogate armies in many cases, and in theory, given the situation in Korea, one of the few last embers of WWIII still smokes to this day.

Trouble is though, this guy is the only person in the world to have discovered these techniques in the last few thousand years? So why would we believe the egyptians or the stonehenge builders did anything similar? Truth is, he's an original thinker and very gifted in terms of physical mechanics. Plus, I suspect, his education in the modern world enabled him to take this next step. Of course I could be wrong, and we're all dunces compared to those ancient master stone-manipulators. How could we possibly know which is correct?

Cars mean different things to different people. Many buy cars they can afford, others buy cars for covenience. Some buy big 4x4's to compensate for small body parts, some for status at the golf club, others buy sporty cars as automotive *iagr*. Now some cars are icons, others are good value, some are simply excruciating and an embarrasement to be seen in. Why would you pay thousands of pounds for somewhere to put a coffee cup? The Vauxhall Vectra is right there at the pinnacle of naffness. There must be thousands and thousands of these blasphemies cruising up and down dual carriageways carrying salesmen to their next petrol station. A salesman who used to work for a Vauxhall dealer informed me they were liable to fall apart. I know of one whose gearbox fell out and DS owned one that was incapable of retaining a numberplate. As I've mentioned before, DS, the frivilous boss I used to work for, believes her Vauxhall Vectra is a desirable car. Thing is, she got promoted for driving one. Seriously. The last company I worked for has this concept that all their senior staff must drive these incredibly dull cars in order to remain incredibly dull people and therefore acceptable to their incredibly dull customers. Well... DS can hardly be described as incredibly dull, but she is an incredible actress. She claims its all down to personality. Thats an interesting way to describe curves. Funny thing is, the really important bosses at my previous company tried to tempt me with a Vectra shortly before they pushed me out. They let me sit in front, they showed the sat-nav in operation, they gunned the engine, and demonstrated the suspension by driving over road humps. Wake me when you're done please... Trouble is, I like cars that are fun to drive. You know, responsive engine, blistering pace, firm ride, sharp steering, flat cornering, looks to die for and a seating position so low you need a winch to get out of the thing. The sort of car that in modern british culture puts you on par with the Dukes of Hazzard or Jack the Ripper. Ha! Tempt me not with your mass production saloon! I shall not be swayed by this icon of greyness, this symbol of.... "Ok Caldrail, you had your chance. Out you go...". And they drove off leaving me stunned on the pavement. Time to thumb a lift to the Dole Office then... So children, if you want to get ahead in the workplace, buy the same dull car as everyone else. That way you can afford to buy them.

Women like them make it worse for us normal lads too!