caldrail

In Douglas Adams' Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy, Marvin the paranoid android moans and groans about intelligent doors, about how smug they are at completing their task of opening for their human masters. Well, he would groan even more at the doors to a local shopping mall. There's a three second delay between their sensors detecting your presence and deciding whether or not to allow you entry. Small boys pretending to be aeroplanes bounce off them in confusion. Adults trying to slip by get whacked as the door decides to close anyway. Sometimes the doors just stay there inert whilst you look an idiot in front of them. Doors? Don't talk to me about doors.... Meanwhile, Back At The Brewery... The local newspaper dispkay the headline - Royals Visit Brewery. What an image. Her Majesty stumbling toward the limousine, crown askew, saying "What delightful brew... One is (hic).. quite light-headed.." Then again, perhaps after generations of governmental experience dating back to the Dark Ages, perhaps the Royals really can organise a booze-up in a brewery? Labour party please take notes... The Listening Party? Talking of the Labour Party, our Prime Minister appears to have had enough of the media reporting gleefully on fuel protests and has slapped a gagging order on them. It seems Gordon Brown has gotten fed up of listening already. Caldrails Guide To Political Polls Labour Party - Conservative Party - Liberal Democrats - Everyone Else -

An also aiding the optio of each entury in pushing men back into line when they start to falter.

Royalties and copyright.

Yeah, I sort of know what you mean. The original screenplay for Rambo 1 had the colonel shoot Rambo dead right at the end, on the basis he realises that this guy coming to pieces in the wreckage of the police station will never adjust to civilian life and he feels responsible for training the man to that state. Stallone however had some creative influence (he's listed in the credits as such) and demanded his character survives, so he could make two (sorry, three) sequels that are teeth clenchingly awful. A shame. The original really isn't a bad film at all.

Sort of. All those empty spaces were filled in with fantasy because people believed such things existed in those days and they had to live somewhere didn't they? Besides, it made the map look pretty and who was going to prove the map-maker wrong?

Augusta! I'm shocked and awed to discover what a keen lego builder you were! However, Lego have politely replied to my enquiry... Thanks for getting in touch with us. I think your Roman Empire would make a brilliant LEGO

Yes, I understand your point, but equating roman methods to modern ones isn't really understanding theirs, its painting roman soldiers in cammo gear. They never used firearms, small unit tactics, or had the same obedience we expect today. They were religious in their organisation that even christian influence can't manage amongst modern troops, and had expectations of benfiting from their much longer service in ways that would cause outrage in daily newspapers today. I really do think that to understand roman legions you need to study their structure and methods in isolation of our own, or you get a very distorted picture, coloured by that enduring image of endless ranks of military robots marching implacably across europe. Wasn't quite like that, was it?

I especially like the cogwheel motif on the front, a sure sign of a temple dedicated to the god Mechanicus... I've just sent the following message to Lego... As impressed as I am with the range of your products, I feel concerned that there is apparently no Roman Lego set, surely an oversight, given the outstanding civil engineering achievemensts of the roman empire. Is the any possibility of a future product release of this nature? I await their reply...

Calm your enthusiasm Doc - they are now officially declared dry. My rucksack is still damp at the bottom though if you want to keep celebrating. Whilst I'm waiting, lets play that CD again....

Star Wars? The original concept was a sci-fi fairy tale, and it is. Episode IV is all about young farm hands and princesses and castles and rogues and spells and.. well you get the picture. The sequels were there to make more mioney from a succesful film, and the later three prequels even more so, with the extra desire to impress people with special effects (a sure sign of poor plot and screenplay) and a more scientific rationale placed on top of the mystical original. The incredible stunts, frantic pace, and constant wisecracks of the episodes I to III get a little tiring in my view.

Its something to do with human perception and psychology (especially in youngsters who form the majority of Lego users ) in that a temple is supposed to be stone, so what looks like stone? Ah yes, white bricks... And picking out the appropriate colour is one of the joys of such creation and sometimes its greatest frustration.... Not that I'd know of course...

Aaagh! A mortal blow! Point taken. However, I would still be cautious about accepting the word 'defeat' since the romans were inordinately proud of conquest and perhaps there's a little bit of propaganda here. After all, a general isn't going to go back to Augustus and the Senate saying 'Erm, sorry guys, we didn't quite manage it' unless he can help it. I'm reminded of the legionary commanders returning from the campaigns against Tacfarinas claiming his defeat and awarded triumphs only to hear he was active again. You see, with the germans of this period there are those that do knucjkle under and accept roman rule - the romans state this clearly, and its probably none too unexpected. But there's always a sense that many of them move away from roman domination further into the forest and remain independent of them. For example, in britain you have the iron age hill fort culture. You have something similar in Gaul. These are fixed settlements with defensive attributes - a true miltary objective and if taken, then the area surrounding them is effectively conquered because the local economy is focused on these places. In germania, there were no such defensive settlements. You might argue this indicates a certain level of peaceful life - possibly - but the roman description of german aggression indicates not, and in any case, the germans did not build the defensive works common to the iron age celts. So what then is the roman military objective? A wilderness has no intrinsic value. One thing that roman writers stress is the desire for resources, which must necessarily come from certain sites, and Caesar himself was keen to discover british precious metals he had heard of (and failed to find evidence of). This is why I don't regard roman activity in Germania as an invasion. Although they did fight the germans prior to the varian Disaster, it was a series of piecemeal actions, not a campaign such as Caesar in Gaul or Agricola in Caledonia. The objectives were different. In most other places the 'invasion' assaults fortifications and such. In Germania, the romans content themselves with subduing enemy fighting spirit. Not quite the same - there's little sense of occupation. I've made an analogy before about the american colonial past. Did the 7th Cavalry 'invade' the plains? I doubt they thought so, because the occupants were only 'injuns' who never really had permanent settlements anyway. I still sense a similar attitude with the romans toward the german tribes. They were simply there.

Caldrail is fine, happy, and rolling around the floor clutching his ribs. Give up your day job RW, become a comedian. Now if you'll excuse me, other people are discussing roman history

Yesterday I wandered into a music store and as usual fingered through the various artists that I particularly like. One CD stood out, with stickers telling me it was the 'new album'. Okeedokee, one purchase made. When I looked closer at home I realised it wasn't the artist the CD had been filed under, but some band I'd never heard of. Doh! I suppose I could of taken it back but curiosity got the better of me. And I'm pleased it did. The album was Indestructible, the band called Disturbed, playing a sort of melodic thrash metal of better quality than most. I don't like thrash metal, it hides a lack of talent beneath frantic enthusiasm for fast songs in most cases, but these guys are better than that by a long way. I like it a lot. 9 out of 10 people, and thats my score for a thrash metal CD of all things. Socks of the Week Goes to the pair I was wearing on Tuesday, when we had that heavy rain all day. They're still wet.

Not really, they doubled my bill a few months back. I think the light bulbs were a hint...

The same thing happened with Terry Nation. He was involved in the early years of Dr Who (he invented the Daleks), Blakes Seven, and probably other stuff too. He had vision like Gene Roddenberry, albeit somewhat less rosy. Gerry Andersen, although he started in puppet shows, went through Fireball XL5, Stingray, Thunderbirds, Captain Scarlet, Joe 90, UFO, and Space 1999. His vision of a 60's style over-engineered technological society was brilliant back then, and I still have a fondness for those old shows. But in each genre, its largely the product of one mans vision isn't it?

Only on a saturday night.

ladies and Gentlemen, this insult to the roman empire must be avenged! We must gather our legions and lay siege to Lego headquarters, and demand their immediate production of new citizens and bricks for our make-believe empires! Raise your placards, assemble your protestors, and march on Legoland!

This makes no sense. You've made the claim that the Roman occupation was almost entirely peaceful. No, I said they were conducting their occupation in a peaceful manner. So they were. Varus was very keen to quell any rebellion - and whilst I agree that involves the use of force - the intention was to restore peace and quiet. With Rome its hard to seperate the two, since they were a conquest state. However, the point is that the germans had little the romans could conquer. There weren't any cities, roads, established sources of raw materials, ports, or other infrastructure. A true military conquest in the roman fashion wasn't possible, and because the wilderness has the advantage that it has no border at the rear and thus its occupants can retreat further (in theory anyway) so territorial gain as such has no value. The romans did not invade in the classic sense. They were picking on individual tribes and giving them a bloody nose. Its rather like a new bully at school. He wanders into the playground and starts intimidating other kids from the start, to establish supremacy - and thats what it was all about. The romans weren't interested in thousands of square miles of mud and trees, and for all their awards and triumphs, who got credit for invading germania? No-one. Some got credit for subduing a particular tribe or two. Germania was a region, not a nation state. They wanted a secure border, not a bunch of potentially violent tribesmen. The process of conquering Britain started with the sale of roman luxuries, much as had happened elsewhere. The germans by and large weren't interested. Also, the areas you list were more settled than Germania, with established communities, farms, and some measure of infrastructure that had some positive value to the romans. Is there a difference between being defeated in battle and defeated on campaign? Was any german tribe subdued permanently? Incidentially, thanks for the tip. Where can I get a copy of Vellius Paterculus?

British weather struck with a veangeance yesterday. Not quite the heaviest downpour I've ever suffered, but it kept on raining heavily all day. I have an army issue rucksack - officially declared waterproof -which had a small puddle at the bottom of it. My mobile phone got trashed by water damage again. Why can't manufacturers make a mobile phone that doesn't disintergrate in mildly moist conditions? Worse still, having already been out in the rain and well soaked, I found a message left by the post office asking me to collect an undelivered parcel. Oh no... not another hour long trek across Swindon... ...All for a pair of light bulbs donated by my electricity company. Cheers guys. That put a damper on the deal... Canal Progreess of the Week Its looking ever more serious, as I see from the old collectibles shop that advanced planning consent is in the works. Can't wait...

The star trek genre was borne out of nostalgia for the original, and STNG was a worthy successor. As things wore on though the ideas were getting a bit thin, storylines were getting derivative, and by Enterprise it had devolved to an ordinary US sci-fi series relying on fans being familiar with the original. Star Trek had run out of steam.

Are they worth it? Yes, provided you accept the limited scope of the titles and that the information is necessarily brief. Incidentially I've a couple of spare titles if you want them. One icovers the Praetorian Guard and the other discusses Auxillary Cavalry. PM me a postal address and I'm pop them over to you.

Salve, C Any primary source on that? Germania - Tacitus Annals - tacitus Lives of the Caesars - Suetonius There's probably some good info in Dio's works but I haven't read the relevant period. Notice that Augustus sent Varus to handle taxation - a man known for his greed. The campaigns against the german tribes mentioned by Ursus were pacifications. I accept the confrontations took place, but my arguement is that Rome wasn't attacking everyone. As usual with Rome, they were attacking some and not others in a deliberate policy of disunification. Notice the germans weren't entirely defeated and that the whole point was to impress upon the german tribes that Rome was here and staying. Rome did not want a turbulent frontier - it wanted tax-payers. The triumphs given to generals conducting these campaigns aren't hugely significant. Under Augustus, triumphs were awarded liberally to maintain loalty amongst them. The key is that Caesar wanted them as subjects. In roman terms, that wasn't simply people saying "yes Caesar, no Caesar" - it all came down to wealth and power. For Caesar, a provincial power bloc would be an important asset in his quest to be overlord of Rome. It also meant tributes or tax revenue - though I suspect this was less important to Caesar than it would be for Augustus later. His arrogance is incredible, and illustrates the view of roman political thuggery that Terry Jones is fond of. The thing is, although this military action was taking place, it was limited in scope, aimed at particular tribes for whatever reason or excuse. The difficulty of fighting a people whose infrastructure was almost non-existent is also touched on, as Dio mentions that Caesar took all the booty that he could. I suspect it wasn't much. But this browbeating of the germans did not quell their spirit. They simply retreated further into the forests. Ok, it would have caused them a great deal of trouble in that they had to relocate their settlements and start over, but for a culture closer to the land than the romans this was surely easier? The damage was done of course, and the resentment of the germans must have been keenly felt. Its like a bunch of soldiers pushing the door down, camping in your back yard, then charging you money for the privilege.

DS9 was of a comparable standard. Voyager seemed a bit wishy-washy and lacked the same sense of reality about it, and the Enterprise series never found that magic at all.