caldrail

June is becoming an all-or-nothing month for british weather in our new globally warmed climate. Last week it rained incessantly. I got soaked in the downpour. This week the sun is out with a veangeance and I got soaked with sweat. You just can't beat the british weather can you? You get soaked no matter what happens.. Puppies For Sale Ther's a fashion for 'handbag dogs' going on, and perhaps not too suprisingly, unscrupulous east european traders are selling puppies reared in very dubious conditions. I must admit, I do get tired of the animal welfare lobby and its extremist idiots who are more interested in being eco-terrorists than actually helping animals, but there are times when I cannot disagree. Now of course the traders are at fault and should be stopped from treated these animals cruelly, but then aren't they just responding to market opportunities? The real idiots here are the celebrities who treat an animal as a fashion accessory. A dog is not just for handbags. Comeback of the Week This definitely goes to Edwyn Collins, a succesful singer/songwriter (Never met a girl like you before) who suffered two serious brain haemorhages. Despite being unable to use his right arm to play guitar properly, and having difficulty in speaking clearly, he's fighting back and releasing a new single. Its good news, but whats even better is that he's so self effacing about it all. If anyone deserves a comeback he does. I wish him well.

Recruitment in the late empire was a thorny issue. The practice of cutting off thumbs and rendering yourself incapable of holding a sword was increasing, to the extent that one emperor declared that two men wthout thumbs were as good as one. Press gangs were employed to forcibly recruit people, and this was necessary since entire communities were opting out of roman control. However, the late romans made up their numbers by recruiting entire barbarian tribes to fight for them.

Agreed.

Once the intial roman advance had fragmented and been surrounded, the battle was nothing more than a hack and slash slaughter. This sort of thing did happen in ancient times, and at the siege of alesia for instance Caesars defensive works included some spiked pits and abatis (defoliated trees used as obstructions). It does require a fair amount of work though and you would need to be in command of the battlefield site for enough time to prepare the suprise and conceal it from enemy reconnaisance. I would say such traps on the field were very rare. The romans might use artillery if it was available and could be placed in a useful position on the battlefield, but you have to wonder how effective it was. In siegecraft it was useful - not for killing enemies as such, but for keeping their heads down. All ancient armies would use missile troops to attack an enemy at a distance - that was why the romans used such troops in their auxillaries. They didn't have the requisite skills so employed foreigners who did. However, to say such weapons would kill off most of the enemy isn't entirely correct. The enemy might have protection - armour, shields, or even formations like the roman testudo. Caesar complained that gauls evaded the volleys of pila thrown at them by sidestepping, and even threw them back. Whilst the actual casualty count is one thing, its worth mentioning that the effect on morale can be just as telling.

The Toyota Prius. Heard of it? Its that fashionable eco-car that celebrities buy to look like they actually care about the enviroment. Its the car that Top Gear entered in its Comedy Handling Competition. That Jeremy Clarkson gave to a cowboy to shoot with a .50cal heavy machine gun. Its slow, ugly, the seats are uncomfortable, and never does achieve the fuel economy that Toyota claim. Its also the car my father bought. My father wants me to buy his Prius. A couple of years ago I threw his offer of a Corolla back in face - dies he really think the Prius is going to be any more desirable? Road tax is only

What? Gordon Brown? Mr Family Man and your neighbourhood caring sharing Prime Minister with an ear for the needs of his adoring low paid public? You've got to be joking. As soon as he discovers people enjoy themselves he'll slap a tax on laughter.

Elite status was more to do with cultural bias in roman armies. There were legions with a higher status than others, because of their fighting record etc, but elite status as such no, because the whole point of the marian reforms was to create a 'standard' legion. As to what the enemy thought, they may have admired or feared roman legions but I don't recall anyone thinking of the roman legionary as an elite soldier. The roman soldier of that period generally considered himself a better soldier than his adversaries and was encouraged to believe so. Were romans the best fighters? No. Of course they weren't. Sometimes they faced soldiers who were better or better led. This image of an unbeatable roman army is something that lurks in our conciousness and comes from people who could not defeat them passing these stories down. The roman legions however were variable in quality and a legion of hardened veterans led by a capable commander was indeed a formidable foe. All ancient armies might gain an advantage by picking the battlefield, and it required a capable leader to choose the best site and encourage his enemy to arrive there. The Varian Disaster of AD9 is an example of how a roman army was lured into a massive ambush stretching for miles and utterly defeated. Incidentially, you shouldn't call the roman soldiery legionaires. Thats a french word. The correct name is legionaries.

Not that often. Centurions had a high mortality rate because they were always at the front and thus in a dangerous position (and it must be said, they were usually the first authority figure that rebellious men would take of). The tribune had the advantage of being in the rear, so was keenly aware of his situation and so had a head start should disaster occur.

In Douglas Adams' Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy, Marvin the paranoid android moans and groans about intelligent doors, about how smug they are at completing their task of opening for their human masters. Well, he would groan even more at the doors to a local shopping mall. There's a three second delay between their sensors detecting your presence and deciding whether or not to allow you entry. Small boys pretending to be aeroplanes bounce off them in confusion. Adults trying to slip by get whacked as the door decides to close anyway. Sometimes the doors just stay there inert whilst you look an idiot in front of them. Doors? Don't talk to me about doors.... Meanwhile, Back At The Brewery... The local newspaper dispkay the headline - Royals Visit Brewery. What an image. Her Majesty stumbling toward the limousine, crown askew, saying "What delightful brew... One is (hic).. quite light-headed.." Then again, perhaps after generations of governmental experience dating back to the Dark Ages, perhaps the Royals really can organise a booze-up in a brewery? Labour party please take notes... The Listening Party? Talking of the Labour Party, our Prime Minister appears to have had enough of the media reporting gleefully on fuel protests and has slapped a gagging order on them. It seems Gordon Brown has gotten fed up of listening already. Caldrails Guide To Political Polls Labour Party - Conservative Party - Liberal Democrats - Everyone Else -

An also aiding the optio of each entury in pushing men back into line when they start to falter.

Royalties and copyright.

Yeah, I sort of know what you mean. The original screenplay for Rambo 1 had the colonel shoot Rambo dead right at the end, on the basis he realises that this guy coming to pieces in the wreckage of the police station will never adjust to civilian life and he feels responsible for training the man to that state. Stallone however had some creative influence (he's listed in the credits as such) and demanded his character survives, so he could make two (sorry, three) sequels that are teeth clenchingly awful. A shame. The original really isn't a bad film at all.

Sort of. All those empty spaces were filled in with fantasy because people believed such things existed in those days and they had to live somewhere didn't they? Besides, it made the map look pretty and who was going to prove the map-maker wrong?

Augusta! I'm shocked and awed to discover what a keen lego builder you were! However, Lego have politely replied to my enquiry... Thanks for getting in touch with us. I think your Roman Empire would make a brilliant LEGO

Yes, I understand your point, but equating roman methods to modern ones isn't really understanding theirs, its painting roman soldiers in cammo gear. They never used firearms, small unit tactics, or had the same obedience we expect today. They were religious in their organisation that even christian influence can't manage amongst modern troops, and had expectations of benfiting from their much longer service in ways that would cause outrage in daily newspapers today. I really do think that to understand roman legions you need to study their structure and methods in isolation of our own, or you get a very distorted picture, coloured by that enduring image of endless ranks of military robots marching implacably across europe. Wasn't quite like that, was it?

I especially like the cogwheel motif on the front, a sure sign of a temple dedicated to the god Mechanicus... I've just sent the following message to Lego... As impressed as I am with the range of your products, I feel concerned that there is apparently no Roman Lego set, surely an oversight, given the outstanding civil engineering achievemensts of the roman empire. Is the any possibility of a future product release of this nature? I await their reply...

Calm your enthusiasm Doc - they are now officially declared dry. My rucksack is still damp at the bottom though if you want to keep celebrating. Whilst I'm waiting, lets play that CD again....

Star Wars? The original concept was a sci-fi fairy tale, and it is. Episode IV is all about young farm hands and princesses and castles and rogues and spells and.. well you get the picture. The sequels were there to make more mioney from a succesful film, and the later three prequels even more so, with the extra desire to impress people with special effects (a sure sign of poor plot and screenplay) and a more scientific rationale placed on top of the mystical original. The incredible stunts, frantic pace, and constant wisecracks of the episodes I to III get a little tiring in my view.

Its something to do with human perception and psychology (especially in youngsters who form the majority of Lego users ) in that a temple is supposed to be stone, so what looks like stone? Ah yes, white bricks... And picking out the appropriate colour is one of the joys of such creation and sometimes its greatest frustration.... Not that I'd know of course...

Aaagh! A mortal blow! Point taken. However, I would still be cautious about accepting the word 'defeat' since the romans were inordinately proud of conquest and perhaps there's a little bit of propaganda here. After all, a general isn't going to go back to Augustus and the Senate saying 'Erm, sorry guys, we didn't quite manage it' unless he can help it. I'm reminded of the legionary commanders returning from the campaigns against Tacfarinas claiming his defeat and awarded triumphs only to hear he was active again. You see, with the germans of this period there are those that do knucjkle under and accept roman rule - the romans state this clearly, and its probably none too unexpected. But there's always a sense that many of them move away from roman domination further into the forest and remain independent of them. For example, in britain you have the iron age hill fort culture. You have something similar in Gaul. These are fixed settlements with defensive attributes - a true miltary objective and if taken, then the area surrounding them is effectively conquered because the local economy is focused on these places. In germania, there were no such defensive settlements. You might argue this indicates a certain level of peaceful life - possibly - but the roman description of german aggression indicates not, and in any case, the germans did not build the defensive works common to the iron age celts. So what then is the roman military objective? A wilderness has no intrinsic value. One thing that roman writers stress is the desire for resources, which must necessarily come from certain sites, and Caesar himself was keen to discover british precious metals he had heard of (and failed to find evidence of). This is why I don't regard roman activity in Germania as an invasion. Although they did fight the germans prior to the varian Disaster, it was a series of piecemeal actions, not a campaign such as Caesar in Gaul or Agricola in Caledonia. The objectives were different. In most other places the 'invasion' assaults fortifications and such. In Germania, the romans content themselves with subduing enemy fighting spirit. Not quite the same - there's little sense of occupation. I've made an analogy before about the american colonial past. Did the 7th Cavalry 'invade' the plains? I doubt they thought so, because the occupants were only 'injuns' who never really had permanent settlements anyway. I still sense a similar attitude with the romans toward the german tribes. They were simply there.

Caldrail is fine, happy, and rolling around the floor clutching his ribs. Give up your day job RW, become a comedian. Now if you'll excuse me, other people are discussing roman history

Yesterday I wandered into a music store and as usual fingered through the various artists that I particularly like. One CD stood out, with stickers telling me it was the 'new album'. Okeedokee, one purchase made. When I looked closer at home I realised it wasn't the artist the CD had been filed under, but some band I'd never heard of. Doh! I suppose I could of taken it back but curiosity got the better of me. And I'm pleased it did. The album was Indestructible, the band called Disturbed, playing a sort of melodic thrash metal of better quality than most. I don't like thrash metal, it hides a lack of talent beneath frantic enthusiasm for fast songs in most cases, but these guys are better than that by a long way. I like it a lot. 9 out of 10 people, and thats my score for a thrash metal CD of all things. Socks of the Week Goes to the pair I was wearing on Tuesday, when we had that heavy rain all day. They're still wet.

Not really, they doubled my bill a few months back. I think the light bulbs were a hint...

The same thing happened with Terry Nation. He was involved in the early years of Dr Who (he invented the Daleks), Blakes Seven, and probably other stuff too. He had vision like Gene Roddenberry, albeit somewhat less rosy. Gerry Andersen, although he started in puppet shows, went through Fireball XL5, Stingray, Thunderbirds, Captain Scarlet, Joe 90, UFO, and Space 1999. His vision of a 60's style over-engineered technological society was brilliant back then, and I still have a fondness for those old shows. But in each genre, its largely the product of one mans vision isn't it?