caldrail

Always keen to improve international relations. Make sure you put your safety belt on

Given how much money the somal's have earned from ransoms, I daresay you could translate their recent conversations into something similar. The problem with these Somali pirates are that they're not organised or in one place, thus in modern terms are difficult to target by conventional action. Since any bozo could sail out, board a vessel, point an easily obtained AK47 and say "Gimme a million dollars ha-ha-harrr", there's precious little disctinction between ordinary citizens and those willing to conduct these crimes. Occupying Somalia en masse in order to impose martial law and prevent such piracy is something I expect the US military dreads - it's a daunting prospect as the anarchistic somali's live in a very big area and weaponry is available for the asking. The only viable long term solution is to police the sea and thats got risks attacjhed to it too as the US military already know and something we shall soon see illustrated before long. It's a question of how extreme the allied peace-keepers want to get over this. The US want to protect their own (naturally) but they don't want another Mogadishu.

Exporting elephants eh? Bet your luggage looked suspicious ambling through the terminal.

Sounds like a great place. Bit far to walk though

Bank Holiday Weekends are a British institution that foreigners might find hard to understand. The name is misleading. All it amounts to is an extra day off work. However, like some kind of mass-lunacy, there's two pyschopathic obsessions that afflict the British at these times. The first is a strange urge that overcomes the weak-willed who gather their unsuspecting families and drive off to a holiday destination. Most don't get there. Braving the rain that inevitably pours cold water on their plans, they end up parking their cars for several hours on a motorway listening to their kids asking "Are we there yet?" The second kind of urge is that need to repair and improve the nest. Sometimes I wonder if DIY megastores are secretly hypnotising us into these attempts to recreate glossy magazine photo's of perfect homes. On the saturday morning I spotted one eager man and his clearly unimpressed missus dragging a huge generator out of the hardware store across the street. Boy oh boy, is she in for a fun filled weekend. The single blessing of my pedestrian status is, I suppose, that I'm immune to the lemming like need to join the traffic jams I shall enjoy the good weather. Also, my single status means I don't get nagged to tile the bathroom or invent a new plumbing system. So, I'll just sit here, enjoying the weekend in my usual quiet way, and.... Uh-oh. The draw on my computer desk is getting sticky. Really ought to fix that. Let's have a look... Brilliant. The back end has fallen off. Aha! All it needs is a little bit of glue. I've got some somewhere.... Here in my dusty toolbox... There it is! Ok. Carefully does it.... Apply the glue... The space is very restricted and it isn't easy to put it in place... There! Done it! Uh-oh. My pen's run out. I'll just look in the draw and get anopther... Whoops, there goes the back of the draw, down in the corner where I can't get it. Has that glue not set yet? Where's the gaffa tape? No, no, it'll work, trust me... Ah, maybe not. Perhaps if I move this over there and fix this here, and.... Those of a nervous disposition, look away now, as I attempt a repair that any sane person on a normal working day could mend in thirty seconds... of the Week In Norway a man has been arrested for having sex with his girlfriend whilst speeding on a motorway. Maybe he should have bought an interesting car?

It's all me at the moment. I should hear in the next month whether I'm a suitable candidate for world domination... ahhh... I mean, stewardship of Swindonian Institutions.

Is that really so suprising? The relative prosperity of principatal citizens is based on developments before Augustus as much as anything he did during his reign. Rome had expanded rapidly and had a huge surplus of labour, not to mention profitable provinces such as Egypt. There is also the question of the Augustan Franchise. He instituted the spread of new towns and cities for two reasons. Firstly, he had thirty-odd legions worth of war veterans who needed to be peaceably retired and dispersed. Secondly, he needed tax revenue. Raising taxes on exisating settlements wouldn't make him popular - not a good thing. By spreading the tax burden further he achieved the same result and encouraged them to compete against other for status, thus also encouraging growth. The tax revenue he used to stage games, pay for corn, and to 'turn Rome into marble'. He was effectively bribing the populace to remain popular, and diverting their concerns with 'Bread and Circuses'. Augustus is often described as a brilliant politician. I don't believe that. He was a successful one however, but what exactly did he do that improved the lot of the common citizenry? He was after all buying them off shamelessly. His reign was all about staying in power, not improving foreign relations, educating the masses, or encouraging innovation to improve lives. Augustus had the good fortune to reign after the end of the civil wars, so naturally, there was less spending on military concerns (he disbanded more than thirty legions) and military spending is always a drain on resources. The Varian Disaster of ad9 heralded a possible return to warfare and that frightened Augustus considerably. It also detered him from further colonisation of Germania and the Augustan Franchise wilted beyond the the Rhine. The fact was the Germans couldn't afford the taxes. It was one of the reasons they co-operated under Arminius to ambush Varus' column. So whilst the areas surrounding the empire were poorer and less attractive to conquering leaders, the increased spending and limis of growth meant as time went on the wealth of the Principate was beginning to dissipate. As more money was spent on entertainment and luxury, the available coffers were becoming more depleted with fewer opportunities to replenish them. It really isn't suprising then that the Principate seems so financially successful - it was a period of propserity but one based on a system that wasn't able to meet the demand made upon it. Was Augustus the architect of Roman prosperity? No. He took control of an empire in a good position to benefit from profitable acquisitions, and although he made efforts to improve tax revenue, his spending wasn't on sustainable growth at all, but rather short term largesse.

I don't know if anyone's noticed, but it's Easter Weekend. Yes, the Annual Chocolate Fest is upon us again. I should know, there's been a party in the small yard behind the garage. Lights, loud music, and a steady stream of curious people wondering who's making all the noise now the pubs have closed. It started in the afternoon, and by the early hours of the morning, was still going strong. Amazing what an excess of chocolate will do to some people. Public health advice - Please be aware that chocolate is poisonous. Twenty two pounds of it is a lethal dose. Please gorge sensibly. Meanwhile, Back At The World Stage... Fear not, Planet Earth. Brown-Man is here to save us. And Captain Obama is here to save Brown-Man. Just in case you were worried about the economic climate and the supply of easter eggs. Growth Industry of the Week An addiction to chocolate confectionary has gripped Somalia. So much so that they're resorting to piracy to pay for the easter eggs. I do notice though that Somali fishermen are now complaining about the pirates because it makes their livelihoods much less secure. The money changing hands at the moment is huge and only a few are benefitting from it. Up until now it's all been a bit gentlemanly but after the capture and ransom of an American captain, I can't help wondering if the next growth industry is going to be military action. After all, the Americans have some very bitter memories of Somalia. Roundabout of the Week Anyone who knows anything about Swindon, at least those who admit to such forbidden knowledge, will have heard about the Magic Roundabout. A survey has declared our well loved road junction as the second worst in the country. One suspects the drivers questioned were the second worst motorists in Britain, but then the roadside repair company that made the survey also chose not to employ me. Just shows what they know.

Legitimate? I would argue that's not a universal charter for the human condition. Far from it, you can only get what a society allows you or what you can get away with. Look at it like this - Despite the success of Augustus as Princeps, despite the provison of public entertainment, despite the beautification of Rome - how many more people were actually better off by the time Tiberius took over? Sure, there will have been some people who did well out the period (there always is) but the comman man? There was a large part of society that was still as poor. As for status, humans do demand it from governmensts and have done since the dawn of time - but they've had to rebel against those governments often enough to get it. Domination of the many by the few is a natural consequence of our primeval instinct. The Alpha Male/Female as it were. To regard the distribution of wealth and status as some form of universal right is nothing more than a fashionable attitude of the modern west, rather similar to the attitude of the early and mid-Roman Republic. It could change for us in the future - it did change for the Romans. But he didn't. Augustus wasn't building a thousand year reich or any such concept. He was running the show and wanted to stay popular. So he paid for games and boasted of it in his will. I really don't think Augustus could do any more about future planning than choose his successor. In actual fact, you could argue that by dominating politics he was supressing democratic institutions in Rome, and that whilst they were still active and had some influence, he was stepping around them. Agreed. There's more to it than that. The Roman mindset was very competitive. With the standards of wealth and status for the Roman nobility vastly increased since the republican heyday, the temptation to grab the whole kit and caboodle for yourself was also that much more prevalent. Whereas in the past, the democratic principles of Rome had been very important, by the Principate the old standards had eroded. The Republic never came back because no-one seriously stood to gain from it. There were too many waiting for there chance of the top prize. Also, the political strength of the Legions changed everything. Since the soldiers of Rome could force a new emperor upon Rome, any return to the Republic was almost certain to end in a coup. Rome had moved on. The Republic was an old idea and its egalitarian principles looking old-fashioned and restrictive. The rise of the personality cult put an end to it.

Thats interesting in itself, but isn't that diet true of most Romans within easy reach of the coast, whether pagan or not?

Except his German guards, who remained loyal. If I remember right, wasn't the situation somewhat fraught immediately after his death? That would indicate there were still plenty of 'Caligulists' at large. Blood-thirstiness is a complex subject. To some extent, people are sheep. If powerful leaders tell them to be blood-thirsty and give them absoltuion or an excuse, be it religious, racial, or political in nature, then they follow suit and rationalise what they've done even if they have lingering doubts and guilt. As individuals, without a group to hide behind, most people cannot behave in that manner (and fewer still would contemplate it). In other words, as social animals human beings run with the crowd. Regarding leaders, we tend to study them in siolation or in relations to their immediate associates such as family or allies. However, in an organised situation you do often find able organisers that exist in the shadows. For the most part these faceless assistants are of no great account in history (or we'd know who they were) but their influence cannot be underestimated. Augustus for instance was a typically cautious leader (one reason for his popularity - the Romans liked cautious leaders) and despite the peace and prosperity of his reign, doesn't seem to show any great flair in civic management. Granted, he did some clever things. He kept Cleopatra at arms length (what a dodgy woman she was!), reinvented the Roman legions as 'soldiers', not 'brothers', "Found Rome in brick and left it in marble", and certaibnly staged a lot of games. And so forth. But his real success was to do as little as possible. Roman emperors who were remembered fondly often share that characteristic. By maintaining as much of the status quo as possible, fewer influential people got upset. Augustus in fact walked a tightrope in his early days (and due credit to him) and his title of Princeps demonstrates that. Yes, Agustus is in charge, but not an ego maniac like Caesar or those horrible kings we once had. In other words, he was a dictator who pretended he wasn't. You could in fact argue, as I have, that he did little more than bribe the Roman public to keep him in power, though there are are indications he kept an eye out for possible up-and-coming rivals and dealt with them in pretty much the same manner as any modern gangster might. Now the state had to continue running. We know that Emperors struggled mightily to run it in later years, the empire was just too big for one man to control, so the ability and integrity of most bureaucrats who worked on Augustus's behalf must therefore have been somewhat better than in later reigns. They were opening up a genre of government, they had the full support of the Princeps, and had every reason to demonstrate skill and endeavour. Later bureaucrats simply wanted a bit of status, a sinecure, and a source of income, and backscratched their way into an existing role. Some might argue that Augustus kept a close enough scrutiny to ensure his own men were doing a good job. I have to concede that possibility. In a sense, he may have been an able administrator - I would argue he was an able manager.

Well I kinda got the idea he took it whether it was on offer or not. That's the advantage of being a bloodthirsty snot in a violent age. You know, I said before that Octavian was as daring as the men behind him. I still have this image of him at the Siege of Perugia as the enemy gladiators came out the gate and shouted "Hey! Look over there! It's him! Octavian!" The Augusta is going to throw me to the lions for this....

"Hello!" She shouted from across the road. Huh? Is she talking to me? The woman doesn't look familiar but she seems to know who I am. "It's me!" She shouted. Yes I can see that, but I haven't a clue who she is. I look around in case there's someone else nearby. Oh no, she's walking across the pedestrian crossing toward me and she's got a big expectant grin on her fiace. You know, this is going to be embarrasing. I simply make a gesture of ignorance and tell her I haven't a clue who she is. Does she try to jog my memory? Nope. She just gets annoyed and mutters darkly. Walk away Caldrail. Uh ioh. She's following me. To be honest, the woman doesn't look dangerous but this is getting spooky. There's a set of traffic lights across the main road ahead. I've pressed the button to change the lights but as with all british pedestrian crossings, they're designed to wait until you've been waylaid by loonies. No, I'm not waiting. Across the road I stride - a bemused driver rolls past, trying to figure out why I was crossing the road when he has a green light, but thankfully the next car observes the Highway Code and remembers that cars must stop for pedestrians on crossings regardless. I've escaped! The woman waits for the lights to change and I walk smartly away. Don't talk to stangers, children. That woman seriously sent shivers down my spine. It sounds ridiculous I know, I should have laughed, but I didn't. leap of the Week Earlier I'd had a stroll around Coate Water. A pair of dogs, retrievers, had jumped down off the pathway and were sniffing around the waters edge below on the cobbled slope. Both dogs weren't young, a little overweight, and looked ridiculously short-legged. Nonetheless, when their owner decided it was time to go, both dogs leapt up the wall like nothing I've ever seen. Very impressive. You see, I know how difficult some dogs find vertical jumps. years ago, I was walking our dog down the old Swindon Station site in Old Town. Back then it was a disused plot with the platforms still in place. The dog was happy, running around, sniffing and cocking legs, like dogs do. They leave calling cards for strangers that way. Then he noticed I was on the brick platform and decided to join me. He leapt up but didn't make it. His front paws clinging to the edge, his back legs desperately clawing for grip. It's rare to see to such things in a dog's face, but I sware his eyes opened in alarm as he realised he was about to fall off. Bump. Down he went, on his backside, and rolled over in an undignified heap before walking away with his feathers ruffled. I shouldn't laugh... but I did.

Caligula seems to have something of an unhappy childhood. That left him hedonistic in later life. I also suspect his parents didn't bother with him much - that's just a gut instinct - but the attention he got from the legionaries (who treated him as a mascot) made a poor substitute. Given the element of mickey-taking he must have endured - Son of Germanicus or not - meant that when he was an adult, and very much in charge, it was his turn to take the mick. He seems to have treated the empire as something of an excuse to have fun.

Back by popular demand, a selection of my musical past. Enjoy! Company Director CompanyDirector.mp3 A live recording of Red Jasper from the Bristol Bierkeller in 1988. This was a monitor mix (the same sound we heard on stage), so the audience was a lot bigger than it sounds, really! The song originally appeared on our first release, England Green & Pleasant Land. Vocals - Dave Dodds Guitar - Tony Heath Bass - Robin Harrison Drums - Caldrail Just Another Night JustAnotherNight.mp3 A garage demo from 1985. The band was Bardiche. Anna had retired from microphone duty, and we recorded this, literally, in a garage, with our new singer shortly afterwards. This line up played one gig only. Vocals - Pete Farrar Lead Guitar - Glynn Stevens Rythmn Guitar - Mike French Bass Guitar - Phil Peters Drums - Caldrail Old Jack OldJack.mp3 From the 1989 album Sting in the Tale. I'd left Red Jasper by this time so this was my parting contribution. I'd written the lyrics for it. Vocals - Dave Dodds Bass/keyboards - Tony Heath Lead Guitar - Robin Harrison Drums - Some interloper who doesn't deserve fame. Pull That Thumb PullThatThumb.mp3 The title track of the 1988 EP of the same name. Recorded in Swindon above a motorbike dealership. Vocals - Dave Dodds Bass/Keyboards - Tony Heath Lead Guitar - Robin Harrison Drums - Caldrail Saxophone - Wots 'is name. Second Coming SecondComing.mp3 My very own masterpiece. This is a demo recorded in the attic of a fifteenth century thatched cottage. A much altered version was recorded by Red Jasper after I'd gone. This track earned Red jasper a recording contract and they still owe me

Once again we see how fragile people and their creations can be against forces of nature. I've only slept through one minor earthquake in my life, and that harmed one or two people. Nothing like the scale of loss in Italy recently. I too worry about this, but for other reasons. Tectonic movement and the volcanic activity it generates is an on-going process. Apparently the L'Aquila quake is the result of the Spinal Italian Fault opening. Now I'm not an expert geologist at all, but this seems to me to indicate that there's gouing to be fresh magma under it. How long will be before Vesuvius blows it's top again? There are increasing worries about the safety of Naples. Earthquakes are portents of angry gods are they not? I hope I'm wrong.

I have seen the shape of things to come. At the Geneva Motor Show, the Royal College of Arts have unveiled ambulances that will be rushing to our aid in as little as four years from now - don't take that literally. Now get this. One of them has ejector seats to speed paramedics to your side. What happens if the patient is in a tunnel? Does the paramedic get issued with a helmet? Another design has a fold out detachable medical center. Isn't that dead cool? Once the paramedics have landed and folded away their chutes, they all get together and open it out. "Left.. Left.. Gently... Woah! Back! Back!... Ok, Fred, lift it this way..." No, seriously, it's a brilliant idea. Retired medics will find jobs waiting for them in the furniture removals business. At least that way they'll know what to do when the furniture owners have heart attacks. Now that the government is strapped for cash, I start to understand why. Having sponsored the idiots who dreamt up these Heath Robinson contraptions, perhaps they might consider actually sponsoring the Health Service like wot they say they do. Leave the artists to wallow in their own ego's. Job Opportunity I have just applied to become Mayor of Swindon. Yes, I'll say that again. I have just applied to become Mayor of Swindon. Well someone has to sort this mess out, and if Boris Johnson can become Mayor of London I feel fully qualified to run my own home town. Updates to my political career will be posted as they arrive.... Hello? Dog of the Week Sophie - well done girl! An australian cattle dog was washed overboard on a sailing trip and swam for five miles to safety on an uninhabited island. Discovered four months after she was given up for dead by Rangers checking up on the islands now smaller population of goats, she's been returned to her owners. You just have to smile. I suspect now she's gone the goats are happier too.

What? Of band I was in? Good grief, the official discography of Red Jasper doesn't even list the releases I was part of. The first three... Englands Green & Pleasant Land Pull That Thumb Sting in the Tale ... are all collectors items and therefore too priceless to even consider distribution to the public. There is also the question of maintaining public order, as scenes of hero worship outside my home (which is on a busy street undergoing gas pipe repair) isn't going to please the local authorities. So it looks like my copies are hermitically sealed for future generations. One day... maybe tomorrow, maybe a thousand years from now... people will play my records and say... Switch it off! The player canna take it Captain! She's breaking up!....

Since my day on the Marlborough Downs I've been delving into the local records for Roman period trivia concerning that area, and I've turned up a suprise. In four sites in North Wiltshire, the remains of bitumous coal have been found dated to that period. Now it's thought the Romans mined coal in Benwell, Northumberland, but that's a heck of a long way to get it, two hundred miles or more. Sources closer to home might be the Forest of Dean or Somerset, but as far as I know there's no indentifiable Roman period coal mining there. The strange thing is why they needed it. The Downs weren't short of timber back then, and indeed, english villas are thought to had their homes heated from wood burning furnaces. Now if they went to the trouble of mioning and transporting this stuff, they did so for a reason. I must admit, apart from the obvious (and superfluous) use of burning for heating homes, what else could coal be used for. I have thought that perhaps the coal was used for a specialist purpose, such as forgework or such, but does coal have any significant advantage there?

It's not that simple in my view. There have always been human beings who make sure they don't disturb the enviroment and those who frankly wouldn't care until it's time to save their own necks. Some native american tribes used to place animal skulls on trees, to show the area had been hunted and as a mark of respect to the animal spirit - so there would be food there again later, and not simply hunted and eaten. Then again, their ancestors have often been accused of killing off the mammoth by overhunting (and to be fair, by indirect means too). It is known that some plains tribes had a habit of stampeding herds off a cliff rather than hunt as such. I imagine they found out how quickly they killed off the local food supply. Just because one greek had this idea to preserve enough food stocks for the future doesn't mean greek culture was all about limits. That seems an artificial concept to me and one I doubt the greeks were concerned with, given how unrestrained they were in competitions and such. After all, the Romans inherited much of greek culture and they hardly understood what limits meant. So.. was it culture? Or the mindset of few within it?

Camping? Thats an interesting suggestion. Remember we must all bring two wooden stakes to build a palisade, so spades, wickerwork baskets, and bagsee the job of standing there surveying the site. Sorry. Sense of humour got the better of me there. Camping is an idea but more vulnerable to the vagaries of British weather.

Good point K.

Entertainment is so important to the modern world isn't it? One word from a publicist, and thousands gather teary eyed to say goodbye to someone they probably never had a good word for. I shall never forget the scenes I saw on television regarding Princes Di. Remember her? Yes, I thought you'd forgotten. The thing with entertainers, or any celebrity for that matter, is that they loom ever larger in our conciousness thanks to the media. Love or loathe them, a part of our life dies with them, and I suspect it's the loss of the pseudo-family/friend image we actually feel grief over. A few days ago, I saw a news report about Hip Hop music. Apparently it's thirty years old or something. Is that supposed to be something I'm grateful for? There were two interviewees. One was a Radio One DJ who seemed oddly devoid of any character. His praise of Hip Hop bordered on the ridiculous. Apparently it's a form of music that has inspired me and changed me forever. I have to say the only thing I've noticed is a headache and an overwhelming urge to change the disc. The second interviewee had similar things to say, but this particular woman told us that Hip Hop was not just music. It was fashion, expression, an entire movement taking over the world. She then gave Obama credit for inspiring Hip Hop musicians. Oh? I'd never heard of Obama before someone decided to make him a presidential candidate. I don't think that was thirty years ago. Naturally, both people immediately distanced themselves from Rap, Hip Hop's ugly brother. The glorification of criminals, violence, drugs, misogyny, and bass speakers was enough to earn itself condemnation, though in all honesty I don't see that Hip Hop is really any better than other forms of music or legal and responsible activity. I wish people wouldn't come out with this sort of twoddle. Music doesn't change the world. It simply changes hands. These days, it's big business. I should know, I was in the lower echelons of it, having personally sold one box of twenty albums. Heck, I even managed to sell one to a patient at a mental hospital. Forget this culture crap. I'll give you this CD to listen to if you pay me a few quid. That's entertainment. Warning of the Week Yesterday was signing on day. Once again they don't seem to know when I should be queueing up but this time I have to wait. Eventually I was asked to go through and waited just as long again for my name to be called. "There's two vacancies come up." My claims advisor said with a smile. That, believe it or not, isn't a good sign. It means they think I'm not doing enough, even though I've applied for four times as many jobs as they expect me to. The first vacancy looked familiar. I've definitely seen it before and muttered something about having applied for it already. I didn't like the look she gave me though. She asked if I wanted the job sheet thrown away but I told her no, I'd check it out. It turns out I hadn't applied for it before, because the job is fifteen miles away out in the remote countryside, and that's as the crow flies. Are they seriously expecting me to walk back and forth across country in all weathers for seven or eight hours a day? Someone's been sticking a knife in again. Watch it Caldrail, you're in bandit country.

In the good old days when men were railwaymen and cars came without pillows in the steering wheel, I used to hear english spoken. It's true. These days official forms come in fifteen different languages and young people don't understand each others slang any more. People wonder why I don't go on foreign holidays. Are they serious? Not only do the Department of Work and Pensions not pay me to enjoy myself abroad, they invite every other country's inhabitants to live next door. Sign on the dole and see the world. It does beg the question of why I'd need to visit a tourist trap in some foreign country. Everybody there has escaped the english tourists by living in England. But it seems the current economic situation in Britain isn't pleasing the eastern europeans. Now that the queues have caught up with them again (is that a coincidence?) I hear them grumbling. "Britain is the armpit of Europe." Said one disgruntled Pole in the cubicle opposite to me. "I'm going home." Well. What can I say? It's incredible that after the Polish community here went to all the trouble of opening shops that speak their language he's now going home again. Obviously he came here to escape Polish newsagents. Still, the rich diversity of racial and cultural mix in our area has one benefit. Elves are no longer afraid to show their faces in public. One sat in the cubicle next to me yesterday. His woolly cap and angelic face was a dead giveaway. Must be here for a midnight frolic. Or is he an elvish entrepeneur, dealing in childrens teeth without telling Customs & Excise? Does Santa know he's moonlighting? Enquiry of the Week All of a sudden my car is popular. As a shiney white mean machine it annoyed everyone, though possibly that was partly due to the Saturn Five moon rocket exhaust pipe, or even my habit of going to warp at the press of the accelerator. Now its a poor neglected shadow of its former self. I console myself that I've provided the perfect enviroment for rare species of algae. There you go. Cars can be good for the enviroment. Yet for some strange reason the natives are suddenly interested in driving my immobile steed. With the eco-friendly patina giving my lovelorn car the natural touch, I've already had one hopeful young man try his luck at the door. Yesterday evening, as I reclined in a bath in silent meditation of whether that spider was planning to ambush me if turn my attention away, I heard a bunch of lads on their way to the pub round the corner. "Does he want that car or what?" Asked one with the volume control set to four. Of course loud noise triggers an instinctive reaction in thirsty english youths on a Saturday night so they all started hooting and beating their chests. They could try asking me. Who knows? I might tell them. But then... Big tough macho lads dare not make polite enquiries at the door... Someone might find out...

More to do with experience of politics then? Just to reiterate what the Augusta said, Romans were considered old enough to begin life as adults at the age of fifteen. In the Roman world, you grew up a lot faster than the modern day.