Getting Ahead In The Workplace: Vol 1
Entry posted by caldrail
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Cars mean different things to different people. Many buy cars they can afford, others buy cars for covenience. Some buy big 4x4's to compensate for small body parts, some for status at the golf club, others buy sporty cars as automotive *iagr*. Now some cars are icons, others are good value, some are simply excruciating and an embarrasement to be seen in. Why would you pay thousands of pounds for somewhere to put a coffee cup?
The Vauxhall Vectra is right there at the pinnacle of naffness. There must be thousands and thousands of these blasphemies cruising up and down dual carriageways carrying salesmen to their next petrol station. A salesman who used to work for a Vauxhall dealer informed me they were liable to fall apart. I know of one whose gearbox fell out and DS owned one that was incapable of retaining a numberplate.
As I've mentioned before, DS, the frivilous boss I used to work for, believes her Vauxhall Vectra is a desirable car. Thing is, she got promoted for driving one. Seriously. The last company I worked for has this concept that all their senior staff must drive these incredibly dull cars in order to remain incredibly dull people and therefore acceptable to their incredibly dull customers.
Well... DS can hardly be described as incredibly dull, but she is an incredible actress. She claims its all down to personality. Thats an interesting way to describe curves.
Funny thing is, the really important bosses at my previous company tried to tempt me with a Vectra shortly before they pushed me out. They let me sit in front, they showed the sat-nav in operation, they gunned the engine, and demonstrated the suspension by driving over road humps. Wake me when you're done please...
Trouble is, I like cars that are fun to drive. You know, responsive engine, blistering pace, firm ride, sharp steering, flat cornering, looks to die for and a seating position so low you need a winch to get out of the thing. The sort of car that in modern british culture puts you on par with the Dukes of Hazzard or Jack the Ripper.
Ha! Tempt me not with your mass production saloon! I shall not be swayed by this icon of greyness, this symbol of.... "Ok Caldrail, you had your chance. Out you go...". And they drove off leaving me stunned on the pavement. Time to thumb a lift to the Dole Office then...
So children, if you want to get ahead in the workplace, buy the same dull car as everyone else. That way you can afford to buy them.
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