The Language of Love

Ohhh god, don't get me started.

 

Justly and consistently delivered physical discipline is painful for a very short amount of time, yet it creates self-discipline, the life-long benefits of which cannot be understated. This is especially powerful when paired with positive reinforcement of self-disciplined behavior. Self-discipline has to be one of the most important aspects of living a fulfilling life. Yet, physical discipline not only draws an incredible torrent of unsolicited criticism, it can potentially entitle the State to assume ownership of your child. Pain is a remarkably beneficial thing, we owe to it the existence of life and the ability to experience happiness.

 

Here's a recipe for the worst kind of abuse, completely legal and guaranteed to drastically lower your child's ability to enjoy life and increase their potential to spread misery to others:

 

Generally treat your child as a nuisance.

 

Only show them love as a means to manipulate or obligate them.

 

Only discipline them when you need to release your own stress, insecurity, humiliation, anger, etc and be sure to do it for extremely petty offenses for which you yourself are most guilty.

 

Discipline them by tearing down their self-esteem, playing mind games, turning their words back on themselves, and generally making them confused, frightened, and unsure until you break their will.

 

Once you break them down, tell them you love them.

 

Let them get away with almost anything because you don't want to have to deal with providing guidance.

 

Try to ignore them unless you have something negative to say or something unpleasant for them to do.

 

Exploit any trust they give you.

 

Use them against your spouse.

 

Only give them what they want when they throw fits.

 

Never be satisfied with accomplishments and spike any praise you give with some belittlement.

 

If they try to resist manipulation, make them feel guilty.

 

Support them only when they do not take responsibility for themselves.

 

I'm not a parent, I've simply paid attention to how ninety-something percent of parents I see interact with their children. I was eating dinner at a restaurant several nights ago and I was completely astonished to see a parent paying full, loving attention to his two amazingly well behaved young children. I was also astonished by the fact that I was so astonished, then it actually enraged me and I became despondent. What is going to happen to all these kids?

Seriously....and the worst part about this discussion right now is that most of my friends now have kids, and all say the same thing: let's see what happens and what you say when you are in our shoes.

 

Look, I never wish to intimate that parenting is easy, or that there are simple solutions when you're 'in the heat of the battle', so to speak. HOWEVER...to sit there and 'accept' a horrible action (which essentially this mother did) is inexcusable. It took everything I had to not turn around and mouth off...and to finish my lunch (which, thankfully, I was almost done), calmly clean up, and walk to my car and drive off. Technically, it's none of my business. But when these kids grow up and go to college, they come into my classroom, expecting me to bow to their whims and put up with their ill behavior. They then quickly figure out that I (and most all of my colleagues) don't put up with that shyte...and they can go take a flying leap.

 

And, yes, they go to college...and yes, they still have horrid behaviors. I can't tell you how annoying and frustrating it is when students take cell-phone calls in class. Not the emergency...not the quick 'I'll call you back' when they forget to turn off their cell phones. I mean full-on conversations...usually they go out into the hall, but that's almost as bad. I can put anti-cell-phone-use clauses in my syllabus (which I do), but I technically can't enforce them...so I end up having a very one-sided conversation with said student, telling them to not do it again, or they will be asked to leave the class for the day, and it'll be registered as an unexcused absence (which, for me, means they can't make up any work). Not much teeth in that, I know, but these are adults...they should know better! I shouldn't have to hold their hands!

 

Ok...another glass of sauv.blanc...I need to calm down a bit...

There are still people who are not afraid to discipline their children. My boys are very accustomed to "the look" and are aware of the looming potential for having a reddened buttocks. Generally speaking... all I have to do is use the gravelly dad voice and they know it's time to stop whatever it is they are doing. Thankfully, they are generally well behaved and rarely have to experience "dad is just about to have an aneurysm" moments.

When I read stuff like this it makes me glad I made the choice not to have kids, because I know I'd be a lousy parent.

 

I'm only interested in disciplining adults (black-leather-and-whip style).

 

-- Nephele

There are still people who are not afraid to discipline their children. My boys are very accustomed to "the look" and are aware of the looming potential for having a reddened buttocks. Generally speaking... all I have to do is use the gravelly dad voice and they know it's time to stop whatever it is they are doing. Thankfully, they are generally well behaved and rarely have to experience "dad is just about to have an aneurysm" moments.

 

I know it, PP, and I am very thankful for parents like yourself. I don't wish to imply that all parents are in need of discipline themselves. It just infuriates me when I see it, as it seems like it's becoming more the norm. Probably I'm throwing this out of proportion, I admit that. Ugh.

Probably I'm throwing this out of proportion, I admit that. Ugh.

 

Unfortunately, I don't think you really are. I was only pointing out that there are still a few of us older-schoolers around.

My girlfriend & I had a similar situation on Saturday. We were sitting at Friendly's trying to enjoy our a meal. In the back was a birthday party for what looked like 4-5 year olds. There were a few parents there. There was one little girl who came making this horrible, grating, banshee-like howl over & over. What did her mother do, you ask??? Told her to stop....which lasted for a hot 10 seconds. Even after receiving several evil glances from myself & other patrons, she still kept it up. A few of the dads with the group sat there giggling like it was funny. She eventually shut up after the ice cream was brought out.

 

If I ever, EVER, acted like that in public, I can't imagine what would've happened. I lived in fear of divine retribution from my father, although the man never laid a hand on me in anger. It was just the thought of what might happen if I stepped out of line that made me behave. That and the fact that my Dad, though only a hair under six feet tall, may as well have been ten feet tall to me as a kid.

 

Luckily I was blessed with a good kid who doesn't act up in public. I really don't need much discipline with her, but when I use the "Dad" voice, she knows to straighten up.

What is going to happen to all these kids?

 

Well Moon, if they have a bit of common sense (rare, these days) and somehow manage to escape with a good sense of personal responsibility, I think they turn out OK. Especially if they have a good friend or two who will help them through the issues that their childhood will have invariably left them with.

What is going to happen to all these kids?

 

Well Moon, if they have a bit of common sense (rare, these days) and somehow manage to escape with a good sense of personal responsibility, I think they turn out OK. Especially if they have a good friend or two who will help them through the issues that their childhood will have invariably left them with.

 

Yeah, my wife is like that. She was responsible for herself and her idiot older siblings, while her parent were, and still are IMO, functioning like kindergarteners. Sort of 'scared straight' by the appalling example set by mom and dad.

Yeah, my wife is like that. She was responsible for herself and her idiot older siblings, while her parent were, and still are IMO, functioning like kindergarteners. Sort of 'scared straight' by the appalling example set by mom and dad.

 

I was responsible for myself in a lot of regards, I had no brothers and sisters to look after. Fortunately only one parent was 'problematic'...the other took good care of me.

 

Still, I'm immensely thankful right now for my best friend who is helping me through all the leftover guilt and trust issues.

Kids should be eaten and not seen.

Kids should be eaten and not seen.

 

ROTFL!!!! :lol: