Diurinal Journal of 12/19/05
Entry posted by Gaius Octavius
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Komrade Patriots:
Why is it that, if a woman wears pants and a polo shirt, she is cool; whereas if a man wears a dress and pumps, he is a degenerate?
Why are there no great female philosophers?
If evolution is a fact, why isn't a monkey dropping out of a tree now and proclaiming: "Ecce Homo"?
Queen Victoria spawned a crop of jackasses and idiots.
Not that Gaius wishes to be too severe on the 'poor lad', but a 'certain party' should know that it is against the first WASP Commandment to talk with one's hands. The second commandment requires one to keep his elbows tucked in.
No subway strike - yet. Rats!
Cookie baking went well. Domina Claudia dropped a rolling pin on a Jack Russell's head. No sense. No feeling. No foul. Told a little boy, who was outnumbered by little girls, that Gaius had already spent a day in a Coast Guard brig at his age after being caught on failed stealing sortie; failed escape attempt; rifle pointed at captured ruffians. Made his day. Soon will be talk of the playground. Same kid only managed to decorate a few cookies and all his clothes. Kept sticking his fingers in the icing and eating the muck. Looked like a voting Iraki. Didn't have many cookies for himself, so Gaius told him to steal the girls' cookies. After all, they were only girls. Got the Evil Eye from mama.
Kid chased JR's. Finally realized JR's were chasing him. Great fun until kid crashed into wall.
Fed JR's carrots; skritched their tummies and opened doors for them when varmints put in appearances. Varmints all escaped and flipped the bird to them. They in turn licked me up. "Oh, what the blazes, let's give him a couple of kisses." Gaius took nap; so, one took a nap on Gaius' chest, the other on his lap. Gaius had a fine day.
As Irak gains liberty, we lose ours. Just like a balloon. Sounds fair to me.
When civil servants go on strike, it is always for the benefit of the masses. When politicos raise their salaries, they deserve it for all their hard work. Do they get docked when they are out conducting shakedown cruises or when they are off trying to get another job servicing the polloi? The Kali4kneeya Land Baron used to dock me for taking lunch. Some partner.
Oh, oh! We now have a Triumvirate of Satan. Castro, Chavez & Morales. Cuba, Venezuela & Bolivia. Sugar, oil & tin. Time for them to get some freedom - if we can find the troopers. We all have to make sacrifices and stay the course. So, I am going to do my patriotic duty and volunteer the efforts of a 'certain party', his fellow draft dodgers, his daughters and grandma.
I wish that 'certain party' would get his ears bobbed.
Noback will now grace Fox. Where else? Looking forward to his make-up job. They'll need a battalion of beauticians to work on that head. His nose, lips and ears need work. Come to think of it, some 'retired surgeon' might re-do the entire head, on the cuff, in the interests of sight pollution.
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ANNOUNCEMENT
Today's Journal was funded by the Barbara Z. & George H.W. Bush Foundation for Honesty & Sarcasm in Journalism. The Rush Limbower Foundation for Circular Logic. And... (Ta Da!), The Bill O'Ryeley Foundation for Fair and Balanced News.
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C. Octavius
SPQR
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