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Woe Am I!


Gaius Octavius

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Monday last, the Domina Claudia :wub: :wub: took off for some place in the boondocks, namely, knoxberg, 10AC. The Imperial Pro-Crastinator was supposed to be left well supplied. Well, the Old Moor Hen Shredded Sporran is almost at an end. The stompings don't look as if they will last the week. Down to the last half dozen beers. I have no idea what the things left in the fridge are.

 

This is the status quo:

 

Bride in the boondocks. :wub: :wub:

Nurse Mary in Basra. :wub:

Private Bohp on maneuvers in Wales. :wub:

Lady Farrow is missing. :wub:

 

The position of 'Lady in Servicing' :wub: is presently open. Please address your applications to: Gaius Octavius.

 

N.B. - The Earl of Doncaster's application was forwarded to the Duke of Beaufort. :lol:

 

The Pro-Praetor

:ph34r:

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I think I need subtitles. ;) Who are those characters in your cast, G.O.?

 

While I shan't audition for the role of "Lady in Servicing", I shall (in my capacity as Ars Magna sorceress) conjure up for you a lovely succubus to keep you warm this evening.

 

Taking the words "A Gal for Gaius" as my conjuring ingredients, I thus anagramatically transform them into a statuesque beauty with the Bond girl style name of: "Gia Sugarloaf". (I'll leave the finer details of her appearance to your imagination.) Enjoy her!

 

:wub:

 

-- Nephele

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;) :wub: :

 

Nurse Mary is a German spy.

Private Bohp is General Sir Antony Cecil Hogmany Melchett's driver.

Lady Farrow is ;) regret!

 

Sorry, your candidate doesn't make the cut. Try again. :D

 

;)

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Most esteemed one,

 

Having dipped into your blog and been highly gratified by the sojourn, I will return soon to post suitable comments. For the moment, however, I comply with your order to apply for the post of Lady Farrow. The duties of this lady, however, have not been clearly defined. Therefore, I am willing to write my own job description:

 

As the name 'Farrow' conjures up something of a porcine picture, I would prefer to think of her as Lady Lupa, giving all manner of nurturing comforts to tiny foundlings and founders. This being the case, during the absence of the most beloved Domina Claudia, I would be willing to offer such services as dusting, vacuuming, bed-making and a Lasagne to die for. On arrival at your domus, you would relieve me of two crates of the best malt whisky (without an 'e' in it), to be consumed in a suitable tumbler, without ice or any other such transatlantic sacrilege. In return you would allow me to imbibe large quantities of vodka, after the consumption of which, I would admire you even more than I do when sober. This could lead to spontaneous entertainment involving a variety of postures, nostalgic meanderings, a fairly accurate impression of Shirley Bassey singing 'Goldfinger', and a debate with you as to who has been the Yankees best closing pitcher for years! This may then be followed by who has been the best captain of the Azzurri for years! Should we still be alive and talking to each other after this, inhibitions may be thoroughly shed in a mutual celebration of our virtual passion.

 

However.... should you dare to enter the kitchen while I am preparing the said Lasagne, you may find that certain items become airborne, and you may well need to look at me with the aid of a mirror.

 

And I must finally warn you, that if a proposal of marriage follows your consumption of my Lasagne - or Vitello al Cartoccio, for that matter - I will invoke the presence of Domina Claudia, complete with an airborne kitchen implement to remind you of your holy vows.

 

I humbly submit this application for your consideration.

 

Donna Sophia

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La Donna Sophia :wub: has more than surpassed all expectations! ;) Have had complaints from the electric company as all we use is the computer - when not otherwise occupied ;) - and the victrola. Even the clocks are off. Candles in good supply. -_-

 

Eat your hearts out, ;)

 

Sophia & Tomasso

:wub: & ;)

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La Donna Sophia :wub: has more than surpassed all expectations! ;) Have had complaints from the electric company as all we use is the computer - when not otherwise occupied ;) - and the victrola. Even the clocks are off. Candles in good supply. -_-

 

Eat your hearts out, ;)

 

Sophia & Tomasso

:wub: & ;)

 

 

And I have settled into my new life very well - thanks to your warm welcome, Don Tomasso. Between us we can rule the world. :wub:

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And the ancient Green Monster gnawed away at their innards as they gnashed their teeth. The venom of the Snake exuded from every ventricle of their jealousy ridden beings. Fetid vapors sprang forth from their cake holes. And the gods abandoned them. ;)

 

:wub: & ;)

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