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Petition to revoke the independence of the USA.


WotWotius

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I just received a rather amusing e-mail this morning from my half-American friend, and I was wondering if any of you Americans would appreciate it:

 

Petition to revoke the independence of the United States of America

 

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories.

 

Except Utah, which she does not fancy.

 

Your new Prime Minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair MP, for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a Minister for America without the need for further elections.

 

The House of Representatives and the Senate will be disbanded.

 

A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

 

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium." Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

 

The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour'; skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters.

 

You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise."

 

You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to re-spell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation.

 

Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up

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In deed, what have we here, indeed? Indeed, speaking for all U.S. citizens, we accept yer whatever, indeed. Will Prince Charlie be the exarch, in deed? But (indeed), let us address some blunders in the whatever be4 we get on wit it. (In deed!)

1. Now (indeed), you had better take yer advice and spell 'harmonise' with that 'zed' in it.

2. U.S., not US, indeed.

3. Indeed, pop off and get a punctuation guide. Try to use it, indeed.

4. Belgium is a wide spot on the road in upstate Noo Yok, in deed.

5. Crap? Indeed, my good man! 'Bloody'? Zounds! I say, in deed!

6. "...our"? Blimey! All y'all don't pronounce it "...oor", so why waste the ink, I say.? BTW, the 'u' was done away with because the U.S. had to bail you lot out of a couple of yer World Wars. Wat about dat useless 'H' y'all have burdened US wit?

7. I say! For a herd of people who eat provender and offal, yez av a a nerve to complain about American beer!

8. Wouldn't the national anthem be God Save The Kink? Wazn't The Mad German ruining affairs back when? I say! In deed!

9. Cahs? In deed, may dear felloe! If USians didn't buy European kaz, all y'all would be peddling rickshaws.

 

Questions:

1. I say!, wil we av to say 'oot and aboot' for 'out and about' and learn what it meanz, (indeed), as Canadians must?

2. Wil we av to suk in air at every punctuation mahk as PEIers do? Uuuuuuuuughhh! :(

3. I say! Wil we hav to learn wot a wily-wonk and a bily-bonk iz? :blink:

4. Oh! I do say! Wil we av to learn what bangers and mash iz? Toad-in-the-hole? Hah? Bubble-n-squeak? Hah? Spotted Dick? Ay wot? :lol:

5. I say!, why must we drive on the rong side of de road? Ay wot? Uuuuuuuuuuughhhhhh! :)

 

Tempt me.

 

Capt. Black Adder, Ret'd.

:)

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Lovers of the English language might

enjoy this.....

 

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is "UP."

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?

 

At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election, and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?

 

We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver.

 

We warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.

 

At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.

 

To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.

 

And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP.

We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP !

 

To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4 of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.

 

If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.

 

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP.

 

When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.

 

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so......

 

Time to shut UP.....!

 

Oh...one more thing:

What is the first thing you do in the morning & the last thing you do at night?

 

U P

 

Basil, Earl of Brookfordshiresexingham

:)

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4. Oh! I do say! Wil we av to learn what bangers and mash iz? Toad-in-the-hole? Hah? Bubble-n-squeak? Hah? Spotted Dick? Ay wot? laugh.gif

 

You probably would not want to know what they are.

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Alternatively, you guys can renounce this bureacratic fantasy you call a European Union, tell your monarchy to get a real job, and become the 51st state.

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Alternatively, you guys can renounce this bureacratic fantasy you call a European Union, tell your monarchy to get a real job, and become the 51st state.

 

Well that just wouldn't be cricket.

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Alternatively, you guys can renounce this bureacratic fantasy you call a European Union, tell your monarchy to get a real job, and become the 51st state.

 

Well that just wouldn't be cricket.

 

:)

 

There you go again! :blink: 'Cricket' - a little vermin! :( , in deed! Well, (I say), you're from Ratae. :lol:

 

:)

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Alternatively, you guys can renounce this bureacratic fantasy you call a European Union, tell your monarchy to get a real job, and become the 51st state.

 

Well that just wouldn't be cricket.

 

:)

 

There you go again! :blink: 'Cricket' - a little vermin! :( , in deed! Well, (I say), you're from Ratae. :lol:

 

:)

 

I am not sure if this comment is just nonsensical rambling, an unfunny joke, or just too highbrow for me to understand.

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WW: :)

 

Aside from your own, there are two 'comments'. Which one are you referring to? :lol: Has that Brit fog taken possession of your noodle? :blink:

 

At my earliest opportunity, I will give your blog a full edit. :(

 

Lord North,

:)

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