Tis the season of dreary grey weather. All the neon signs have been attached to lamposts in anticipation of that supposedly magical commercial festival at the end of the month, not to mention a small village of wooden sheds for a temporary market in the town centre.

Come to think of it, for some reason the public have decided that filling the streets was a good idea. If that was because they had time to spare while they were on strike against government cuts, then it's something of an eye-opener. I mean, what do all these public-sector workers do when they're not shopping?

It was just my luck to try and pick up a few snacks at the supermarket right in the middle of Walk Slowly Day. Oh curse my rapid gait! No. Forget that. Curse you pedestrian! I dunno, filling up the pavement with idle memvbers of the public? What is the world coming to?

Oooh no wait. As I type this tirade against mindless meandering a council bird handler is walking outside. He's got some bird of prey with him to tackle the menace of pidgeons, and what a lovely animal it is. Don't know the breed. Sort of black with brown and white trim. Yes, the pidgeons have realised the threat. There they go. Well done that bird.

That's it! That's the solution to all those pedestrians blocking my progress. I need a bird of prey. Darn. If only giant pterodactyls hadn't gone extinct.

Don't Worry mate

Jeremy Clarkson is in a spot of bother right now. The BBC have issued an apology for his comments about yesterdays strike action, which oddly enough was more or less the same as my comments except I used a few less firing squads. Can't see any news item about the BBC issuing an apology for what I said though. That sort of discrimation is typical of the public sector television company and gosh darn it I've had to fork out another hundred and fifty quid for a license to watch them issuing apologies.

You have my sympathies Mr Clarkson. As for Jon Trickett, Labour's shadow minister for the cabinet office, please do shut up. It's over. It achieved nothing. And I'm no better off.