Sooner or later my cupboards are bare, and a trip to the shops is necessary to replenish my humble larder. That means spending money too. Disaster.

As I started picking goods from the shelves it became clear that the elderly population of Swindon had also decided to do the same as me. Is this 'pension day' or something? Hordes of them, shuffling here and there, or standing confused in the gangways. I shouldn't be so critical of course - I'm only a sdecade or so away from becoming one of them.

Oh make your mind up lady. Are you going to go left or right? No, you're going to stand there helplessly. Just as I'm about to politely ask to get by she shuffles a few feet forward. Then she stops again to try and remember where she wanted to go in the first place. Good grief, is that what's going to happen to me in a few years?

As it happens not every old person is so afflicted with the ravages of time. As I approached the tills I decided which of the two was the quickest way out of the store. With the new robotic self service tills only one or two lane is manned by increasingly less helpful shop asssistants, and I can't stand using those silly robot things. I'll use this lane.

Unfortunately the old folk had spotted my yactics and shuffled across in front of me. A little old lady virtually pushed me aside in her frenzied quest to get their before me. She looked up and shrugged "I was before him just now".

Yeah, whatever lady. I had no choice but to wait my turn. A shop assistant enquired whether I wanted to use the robots and offered to put the shopping through herself. What am I? A helpless old person? Thanks, but no.

Finally it was time to place my goods on the rubber conveyor. As I reached across for a plastic divider, my rucksack slid off my back and landed squarely on the little old lady who had nipped in front of me.

"I'm getting pushed about all over the place" She moaned.

Yeah. I know exactly what you mean. But I couldn't help laughing anyhow.

Oh Shi...!!!

I've just seen that stunning footage of a helicopter coming to grief in New Zealand. At least in this case the pilot was not seriously injured. I remember watching a news report of a larger helicopter crash somewhat more spectacularly in South Africa that didn't have such a happy ending.

I've never trusted helicopters. Yes I know, conventional aeroplanes crash too, but not always. Like that airline pilot who got himself stuck in the toilet just before the jet was due to make a landing. At least he was stuck in the right place, so to speak.