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Six Of The Best


caldrail

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Six is an important number, or at least it is for me. It is after all the age many people believe me to be. I've always had a preference for the number four. No particular reason, just a nicer friendlier number. But why, you might ask, is six so relevant to me?

 

It's because my life seems to be bounded by the number six. Those idiots out there who've convinced themselves that I'm a devil worshipper (shame on you) will of course by now be jumping up and down excitiedly and pointing red faced towatd their computer monitor. Christians don't like the number six either. Too statanic.

 

Many years ago when I was a struggling would-be rock star, I had a small fan club who used to foloow me around on Red Jasper gigs just to hear me play a drumkit. Bless them all. Thanks for the pints as well lads. I did appreciate it, really.

 

Now that the seed of my return to fame and fortune is starrting to sprout - a mere white shoot in a dark forest of giant trees as yet, but you never know - I seem to have accumulated a new fan club. All six of them.

 

Mr D, one of my colleagues at the museum, took pity and promised to raise my fan club membership to seven. He's a genial retired maniac, a fellow member of the Free Society of Military Surplus Trousers, and true to his word he began using one of those little hand held gizmo's to access the internet. His web search couldn't find me. Not a single page. Fate has decreed I have only six fans.

 

Good Boy!

Those afflicted with Parkinsons Disease might be pleased to hear that a new treatment has been devised to ease their suffering. Apparently the idea is to retrain your brain. I imagine there's a few claims advisors who want me to undergo that kind of therapy as well. So therefore I can look forward to a healthy life fetching slippers or running for the ball. I must remember to raise a paw when asking for food at the supermarket.

 

Oh My God!, No, It Can't Be Happening

Guess what? There's going to be some shock twists to the plot at Alberts Square this year. For those few individuals who have had no contact with english civilisation since the invention of the soap opera, Eastenders is that London fantasy land where everyone sleeps, fights, and gets one over each other - and they still stop for a chat at the local pub.

 

But back to the plot. Why on earth would anyone be shocked at the shocking prospect of shock storylines. Eastenders have been doing that since they began filming the wretched show. The only shocking thing is that it's still going. Never the same after they killed Dirty Den.

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Unfortunately Eastenders have never revealed the horrifying truth that Dirty Den is one of the undead stalking London alleyways on dark foggy nights. Or have I just blown the christmas special?

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