You know what? After being accused of leading a fantasy life, I have to speak out. Sorry, but it's real. I really am here. And just to prove how lame my life can be, I wish to describe the highlights of yesterday...

1 - A woman asks me for assistance. That was unexpected. The reason was of course Microsoft Excel, the cause of more lost hair and failed interviews than anything else known to mankind. Don't get me wrong, my excel skills are best described as 'Almost', yet I still know more about this secret arcane program than your typical library goer. Thing is though... How did she know? How could she possibly have known that I've studied excelmancy in my spare time?

2 - Another woman plays video too loud. I've no idea what it was. My first thought was that it was a news report but at times it sounded suspiciously like a sermon, brought to you by the miracle of the internet. Who needs Jesus when you have telecommunications technology? I asked her to down it down but she just smiled at me. Maybe she didn't understand english? Or did she not know how to control this miraculous device that displayed the sermon on the full colour flat screen 1280x1024 monitor before her?

3 - Youth cracks his knuckles. It happens now and then. Some kid sits down to watch a music video and cracks his knuckles for something to do with that part of his brain that's waiting for the rap track to finish. Unusually though this kid has learned how to crack his knuckles at fifteen decibels louder than anyone else. Every time he did that it echoed around the quietened room. A part of me wishes that he'll suffer some ailment caused by continual cracking of the knuckles, like RKSS (Repetitive Knuckle Stress Syndrome) but I can't wait that long.

That would have been it, but at the last moment, I decided to go for a walk around the local park, and who should I bump into?....

Bird Watching

Yes, it was DW, our intrepid reporter. Bet you never saw that one coming. Well he decided to tag along and we discussed the finer points of philosophy and practice for the modern comedian, dinosaur nests, and in-depth analysis of bird species inhabiting the lake.

No really, he knows about birds. Feathered ones. I now know those aggressive seabirds are Black Headed Gulls. They don't seem to very black headed to me. "That" DW assured me, "Is because black is out of season."

Well there you go. Gulls can be fashionable too. Unfortunately we humans can only emulate their sense of colour and variety. In the case of one young lady walking by, badly. She wore black see-through leggings which revealed her underwear beneath. That was.. Erm... Interesting....

Sorry... What were you saying? Oh yes, the gulls.