I've always said that you can tell a lot about someone by the way they enter a room. DW, our intrepid reporter for the online wiltshire magazine, always seems to enter a room without having to open the door. That's quite a classy entry and frankly I'm envious. My personal battles with doors are the stuff of legend.

It turns out that DW has just interviewed a celebrity for his website. I've never heard of her before but I 'm sure she's very famous. Yet no sooner had I poured scorn on his latest showbizz wheeze than a real actress stormed through the door pretending to be angry with him. She's very good. Had me convinced.

Apparently this lady has done parts for Casualty and Father Ted. "Have you seen Father Ted?" DW asked me. Not really... I would have remembered. Anyhow we got talking and would you believe it? She's invited me to an evening of intellectual group discussion on the finer points of media and theatre. Can't wait.

Deal of the Century

All of a sudden Young L suggested that he'd thought of a great business idea. DW, never slow to spot an opportunity to make money, looked a bit quizzical but nonetheless replied "Okay, let's hear your business plan."

"I haven't got a business plan." Young L responded, unaware that even with business plans prepared in advance, competitors of Dragons Den still get mauled for being useless wazzocks. "No, no hear me out..."

Young L's appeal for mercy succeeded. With a deep breath DW awaited the Deal of the Century. It turns out Young L plays for a football team that are planning to head out to Sweden if they can find sponsorship. I think the idea is that L's team teach the swedish how football should be played. For a mere seven thousand pounds, the team will have magazine advertising on their backs in front of lots of swedish people.

"We're a wiltshire magazine." Replied a completely baffled DW. "Why on earth would Switzerland..."

Sweden, I reminded him.

"Sweden... Yeah.. Always get those two countries mixed up. Why on earth would Sweden be interested in a wiltshire magazine? How would I get my seven thousand pounds back?"

"No no no" Young L persisted with admirable enthusiasm, clearly hoping that his trip to Sweden would soon become a reality. Gradually he realised that he was going to get a little battered by jibes and humourous dismissals. No... Too late... Young L is goining to get mauled and he hasn't even applied to go on Dragons Den. Worse still, although DW is pulling his business arms and legs off, DW is also the guy who only minutes before stopped me from squishing an insect.

You can tell a lot about people by the way they let things go through the door.

Close... But No Cigar

The burglars were out and about in the small hours this morning. Just before four o'clock one scavenging good-for-nothing tried to open my back window. Tell you what, Mr Burglar, if you're reading this leave your name and address - I'll get back to you and we'll sort something out. Can't promise a sponsored tour of Sweden, but I think we can manage a stay in one of Her Majesties hotels if you want.