Getting It Right
Entry posted by caldrail
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How many people actually read their horoscopes? You see them everywhere, books, newspapers, and websites. All of them giving a paragraph of advice for the day. As of this morning I'm beginning to wish I'd read mine. At least that way I would have known what was about to happen.
"Face it, you're desperate!" Yelled a woman in a spasm of irritation ealier today. There I was, dozing comfortably on a sunday morning, and out of the blue I'm woken by some woman somewhere. I have no idea who she was yelling at, but since people have a habit of yelling outside my home, it's a fair bet it was intended for me.
Desperate? Really? In what way? Okay, I could do with a bigger income and the government are threatening to remove the pittance I get if I don't find a job, but usually when you're described as 'desperate' it's about sex. Or more accurately, the lack of it. Or more accurately still, the extent to which your attempts at getting any are considered feeble and embarrasing.
I struggle to understand why this criticism applies to me. At my age, sex is a bonus, not a necessity, and in all honesty the ravages of aging mean that I'll probably be just as embarrasing if I attempt it. Pornography doesn't float my boat and never has. Despite all those adverts for dating websites, I still haven't tried one, partly because I have better things to do on the internet such as finding a job or writing this blog entry.
I freely admit I like to flirt. Why not? Flirting doesn't hurt anyone. Yet I can't help wondering whether that woman who yelled at me did so because I haven't flirted or embarrased myself with her. She did sound a bit on the jealous side. Furious denials will do you no good, dear.
When you stop to consider what Mankind has achieved over the millenia, it's quite astonishing. We've gone from a primitive ape descendant on the brink of extinction to a global species that now feels guilty about all the other species it's brought to the brink of extinction. We can arrive anywhere on the earths surface within 48 hours. We can talk to someone on the other side of the globe. We can even put people the surface of the moon for a short while too. How about that? Yet we still can't get our love lives right.
Advice From The Stars
Let's not be too niggardly. Perhaps the woman who yelled this morning was only trying to help. I know, I'll get some advice from my trusty horoscope. After all, how can the movement of stars and planets in the night sky possibly be wrong?
It tells me my world is advancing at an ever increasing rate. If I were brutally honest, it isn't. I'm no closer to driving a ferrari than I ever was. However, I'm also informed that my goals are clear cut and that I have all the confidence and vitality to achieve them. That's good news. Many blokes of my age suffer erectile disfunctions or female migrains.
However, it's not all good news. It's a shame the stars don't mention where I'm going to get the money to finance my ambitions from. Also my goals will take me away from the limelight and develope my creative and other talents in silence and solitude. Oh brilliant. Well I'm sorry to disappoint the lady but the stars have spoken. At least sex isn't entirely beyond my reach. Come on guys, we've all done it, right?
But look on the bright side. The stars say I'll be perfecting my skills and style. Come on girls, it's worth the wait, right?
Quietly Does It
There's another fox on the block. Saw him trotting down the road the other night. This one is smaller and lacks the grey fur of his noisy predecessor. He lacks the need for constant screeching in the small hours too. Obviously this fox, despite his modest size, clearly has no trouble with his sex life and for that matter doesn't seem too troubled with human beings getting in his way. Probably because he doesn't yell at people.
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