My daily routine of late has been simple. Wake up, slide clumsily out of bed, limp across to the window, and look out on yet another bright blue sky. Another fine, sunny day. Not too hot, just comfortable, at least as long you avoid strenuous activity. That's not difficult when you're unemployed.

Today though was different. A dreary grey morning with an ever present sense that drizzle is about to break out. To make things worse, today I'm scheduled to help out at the museum, and as we all know, friday mornings are the graveyard shift. Maybe I'll get a chance to snooze?

What the?... What's going on? A veritable horde of museum goers gathered at the gates with battering rams and catapults, determined to lay siege to the museum if we didn't open in time. Worse still, the lady with the key hadn't switched anything on. Frantically I ran around the museum flicking switches and selecting film shows.

Almost opening time... Come on, come on, you stupid video display... Work!... No, not that film, the other one... Oh no, seconds to go.... Quick, back to the front doors.... No wait, I haven't set up the till yet! Help! I'm under pressure!

Having demonstrated my ability to cope with the fast moving high pressure enviroment of cutting edge museum opening procedures, I relaxed briefly before the hordes flooded through the door in a desperate bid for admissions and purchases.

One adult? Certainly... Two concessions and one child... One at a time please!... Yes we sell those... No we haven't any bags. Come on, it's a tiny trinket, think of the enviroment.... Stop pushing at the back, I saw you!...

Finally the dust cleared. I lay there, a broken man, among the splinters of the smashed front desk. But do not think I was defeated. No. For I held that barrier, alone, unaided, bruised...

Fun Of The Fair

Among our many visitors today was DW, media journalist extraordinaire. He's been on the case covering community events with videos for his website. One of them was staged recently at Liddington. Spitfire fly by's, musical acts on stage, roundabouts and rides, all the usual fun of the fair. DW was restraining his amusement when he asked if I was interested in watching the video. Oh go on then.

Initially we tried looking up the viseo on his website. No video. He was disappointed., but not defeated, for DW has wisely invested in one of those new phone devices that does everything a computer does if you use enough swear words. Within seconds he had his videos listed in the palm of his hand. They wouldn't load either.

Within minutes he'd found another way to access the videos which I imagine has something to do with holding the phone in the correct orientation. Whatever the reason, his report on the fair began to play. I was pleasantly suprised at how professional it looked. Who filmed this?

"My camera team." DW replied. "He's a youngster who does this for me. But he films too high."

High? Looks perfectly framed to me.

"Nah, he needs to lower the angle a bit."

What? And make sure your crotch enters the shot? DW chuckled. As he well knows, it's sex that sells, and he's not that much of a pretty face. As I began to realise the event was attended by a passing spitfire pilot, a couple of girls looking a bit mystified on stage, and a roundabout operator who went off to get a bag of chips, DW could hardly stop himself from laughing.

As I watched, a chocolate wrapper blew lazily across the empty grass space between the fairground rides. Another roving report brought to you by DW. Now back to the studio...