Jump to content
UNRV Ancient Roman Empire Forums
  • entries
    1,146
  • comments
    1,165
  • views
    266,348

Totally Ear Bashed

caldrail

Entry posted by caldrail

585 views

 Share

Sunday morning and the rain has eased. Some might claim that was proof God exists, but I know different, because he wouldn't have foisted BFL upon the world. There she was in the library foyer, sat waiting to find her next victim. She smiled to herself as I scowled.

 

Luckily Mr R opopped in. He's a regular at the library too, a cheerful chatty sort of guy who seems to spend all day there playing 'fruit machine' programs. Before he gets there though, he too runs the gauntlet of BFL.

 

Too late. She's seen him, and in a swift move she pounces, launching into a conversation with me stood nearby desperately trying to avoid shrapnel.

 

"I've had enough" She told him in no uncertain terms. Apparently her studies are testing her patience. In true generosity, she shares the pain by testing ours. No sooner had she realised that no-one was interested in her studies (it seems the psychology part of her social sciences degree course is paying dividends) she moved on to travel.

 

You may not know this, but BFL likes train travel. No, really she does, I heard it from the horses mouth. It makes her feel in control, she says. Pardon? Has no-one told her the front compartment is for the engine driver? Also she regards a bicycle as a lonely means of travel, and coaches are the work of the devil.

 

At last! The bells! The town hall clock sounds half past nine and the security guard opens the door for us all to rush inside in a mad desperate attempt to escape BFL first. She always takes the elevator. Partly because she doesn't like the stairs (yes, she told us that too) but also I suspect because she gets thirty seconds of conversation with other people who can't escape.

 

Mr R climbed the stairs beside me and asked how I was. A bit ear bashed, but okay.

 

Case Of The Missing Eunos - Chapter 2

Never fear, Caldrail Holmes is still on the case even if the police have given up. So far I've eliminated Al Qaeda from my enquiries, and I still haven't found any evidence that UFO's abducted my car.

 

"All he has to do is buy a Toyota"

(Comment made on the street late saturday night 16-7-11)

 

What an interesting comment. Normally I get reviews of my manhood, but what, I have to ask, is manly about Toyota's? Have you seen the local dealership? Packed full of mobility buggies in monotone colours designed to blend with the urban landscape, or perhaps the hair colour of their buyers. More to the point, why is buying a Toyota going make any more difference than other makes and models? Is that what the streetwise private detective is driving this year? Curiouser and curiouser.

 

Have You Tried Our New Burglary?

"Don't worry, we'll get in the next time he goes to town"

(Comment outside the back of my home, 7:45am Sunday 17-7-11)

 

Thanks for the heads up guys. It's nice to know that our friendly neighbourhood burglar is so publicly spirited to book an appointment. Sadly I'm going to have to cancel as I've just discovered that burglary is in fact illegal, and has been for some time.

 

Political correctness means that we don't chop the hands off convicted thieves anymore. Nor, as science fiction script writers have predicted, do we transport criminals to an island where they can live out their lives in anarchic barbarity - though I do believe we tried that for a while some time ago. Obviously not a succesful policy for the government of the day as the criminals descendants tend to be better at cricket than us.

 

The police don't seem interested. I guess there's not enough news headlines in it. Never mind. If they won't listen, I'll tell the whole world instead.

 Share

3 Comments

Recommended Comments

docoflove1974

Hey now, my Toyota is going on 10 years old, purrs just like the day I got her....ok, ok, ok, it's not an M5 (my heart still desires Beemers...prolly always will, too), and it does take a while to get to 80 mph, but no matter! It's mine! And it works beautifully!

 

*knock knock knock*

 

Oh...the boys from Top Gear are here...what's this? "Please stop extolling the virtues of Toyotas, as they are..." Gentlemen, I can't say this! But ok, fine, I'll stop bragging about its efficiency despite not being a hybrid, and the like. Captain Slow, surely you can't be in on this, too? Oh good, you're fine with me having a Toyota. Incidentally, boys, next time you come 'round, would you mind a car swap? I'd love to try on that 911 that Hammond is playing with...you know, just for a change :D

Link to comment
caldrail

Cars are often an expression of personality. The M5 driver zooms past you because he wants to look important and the car is not only a badge of status, but a means of competing aggresively for position on the road.

 

Personally I liked sports cars for the buzz. I find them interesting, challenging, extremely rewarding, and it must be said a source of endless frustration. I'm not bothered by anyones elses opinions of it. Beware of drivers who buy cars for for show - in my experience, they usually drive in a thoughtless manner.

 

But not everyone sees cars as status symbols or expressions of personality. My father always bought cheap cars because he revels in counting beans. For him, having found a car that returns good fuel economy and running costs means he can shuffle more beans onto something else. I've always found it hilarious. He's so proud of his Prius and literally cannot understand why I fell over laughing every time he spoke of it's innate superiority over forms of motor vehicle.

 

So if you like your little Toyota Doc, you enjoy it. There's nothing worse than being stuck with a car that doesn't please you.

Link to comment
docoflove1974

Ugh, the Prius...here in the Golden State, there's too many of them, and other hybrids...and I've long ago given up arguing with people that they're not doing that much environmental good. Those that buy the hybrids for the fuel economy, well, I can't argue with that one much. It's not a great argument, but they are probably saving some money on gas. I guess.

 

A recent ex-boyfriend had his early-90s Civic hatchback for 15 years before he decided to buy a new car. He ended up with a 2-year old 330i...a move that made me giggle quite a bit. See, this is someone who enjoys the finer things in life, and then feels the need to justify his purchase, as if anyone cares. He griped to me that he wouldn't ever consider a hybrid because older cars (like his Civic) got better gas mileage than the cars of today. Of course, when I pointed out to him that his Civic hardly got over 75 mph, and that it took 3 years to get to that point, he scoffed at my argument. Then when I told him that, for its class, his Beemer does get great gas mileage--over 30 mpg as a whole, as I recall--and that now he could go 0-60 in record time, AND that he truly was enjoying his luxury vehicle, he further got annoyed with me. "Newer technology isn't always better," he quipped back. Sure it's not ;)

 

Yes, I'm happy with my car, and considering my current economic reality, well, I'm not exactly expecting a new car purchase any time soon. And for my life right now (single, no kids), it's a great car. As my life changes, I'll have different needs, and my mode of transportation will change. A girl can have dreams of fine German engineering, but it's good to keep things in perspective.

Link to comment
×
×
  • Create New...