What is it with banks these days? If for any reason you approach a teller with a request beyond simply giving them money they can't cope. "Why don't you do this?" They suggest, "Why can't you be the same as everyone else and ask for a service we know how to do?"

Because your clever automated system doesn't meet my requirements, that's why not. Why can't banks train their staff any more? What happened to all this wonderful customer service? In the television adverts everyone is happy, efficient, finding new ways to help their customers. Which bank did they film that in? Certainly wasn't in my home town.

And now shops are getting into the act. Supermarkets and high street retailers are installing automated tills so that they don't have to provide customer service anymore. Instead of a smile and a brief chat whilst your goods are packed and paid for, now you get hassled by an instructor who suggests we use their new computerised sales-android.

Step one. Do not talk to anyone. You will now process your shopping.

Step two. Scan your shopping. All of it please.

Step three. Enter your payment method

Step four. Find help because it's all gone horribly wrong.

You know, I've never been one for shopping as a hobby, but it can be a pleasurable exercise. You get to know the assistants and greet them cheerily. Well most of the time. Occaisionally you get an ignorant widow of Saddam Hussein doing her best not to serve you, but at least it's interaction of a sort. All this cost-efficient automation makes shopping like working on a production line. You're late for shopping. Do that again and we'll have to give you an official verbal warning. Scan faster, citizen, there's a queue behind you. Sorry, but that card is not recognised.

So what happens when something in this totally conformal brave new world doesn't happen exactly the way the planners intended? Oh no. This milk carton is leaking. There's no button on the screen for exchanging goods. Help! What do I do? The android box is repeatedly asking me if I've finished. I'm not trained for this sort of situation!

Question Time

The behaviour of newspaper employers is very much in the public eye right now. For those unaware of events in Britain, the mobile phone of a murder victim was hacked into and messages deleted to make space for more attempts to contact the dead person, giving false hope to the families victim.

"Will the Prime Minister support the need for an enquiry into the behaviour of newspapers?" Asked the opposition leader. You know, wotisname.

"Yes," Replied our Prime Minister with a slight pause as he thought of an answer, "We do support the idea of an enquiry into newspape ethics, but we must enquire into how to do this properly."

The leader of the opposition is claiming this enquiry is what the people of Britain want. I'm suprised anyone has managed to find that out.

Hurry Up Caldrail

"Look at this!" Enthused the television weatherman. He must be one of the customers in that super-happy bank. However the source of his enthusiasm is an assault upon England by rainclouds invading our sies from the southwest. Cornwall and Devon are already conquered. The sky might be blue right now, but we've had two heavy showers today already. Those clouds hanging over west swindon are dark, threatening, and heading my way.

Does the Prime Minister support the need for an enquiry into the shocking state of our British weather? Does he not realise that British people want sunshine? Why is the government not taking action on this issue? This is yet another example of how our political system is failing the people of Britain.

Hey - I could be an MP. Vote Caldrail. Before I get wet.