I'm not a racist, but . . . .
Entry posted by GhostOfClayton
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I'm not a racist, but . . . I am totally hung up with the thought that someone might think I am. It's almost like a mini-obsession. It would be the worst thing in my little world if anyone else (especially someone belonging to an ethnic minority) got an impression that I might be. And I think the majority of white English folk are just the same as me.
It would be all well and good if this hang up didn't affect our behaviour, but it does. There's a bit of an urban legend that someone went into Starbucks (or similar) and was served by a black Barista. "Erm . . can I order a . . . white coffee . . but without milk?" the customer asked. "That would be a black coffee, then?", the Barista replied. This may or may not be true, but I suspect any English person would recognise the emotion going on in the customer. We are all (and by 'all', I mean 'me') so screwed up by Racism-guilt that there's a slight quickening of the pulse just when using the word 'black'. And when using the word 'black' to describe someone's ethnic origin, it's often spoken slightly under our breath with a little look round to see if there are any black people within earshot that will hear us utter this most heinous of racial slurs.
The other, and more terrible thing I find myself doing in my desperation, is over compensating for whatever racist tendencies I fear live deep within my psyche. I'm overly friendly to the, regrettably few, blacks and Asians I come across in my daily life. Although this is done with the best of intentions, I'm hung up about it being a patronising attitude, and loath myself for it. I can�t win!
So, what evidence do I have for projecting my own psychological dysfunction onto the majority of my own particular ethnic group (white and English)? It's this: I visited New York recently (did I mention that before?), and witnessed a whole different racial dynamic. The English, it seems to me, are so screwed up about racism, that they worry that even acknowledging racial differences may single them out as being racist. Their ideal is not to even see someone's colour, but to just see the person. Sounds good. Sounds like a world that John Lennon would have loved to live in. However, in New York, and especially in Harlem, I witnessed ethnic differences not only being openly acknowledged, but respected and even celebrated. I even saw black people being called black people . . . to their faces, and not even minding! The fact that I felt this to be worthy of comment shows just how screwed up I/we are.
Take the Schomburg Centre in Harlem. This is an institution dedicated to research into black culture. It's not a museum, but a dynamic, working institution, vibrant and alive (and a must-visit if you find yourself in the area). It genuinely made me a little bit jealous of those who had this wonderful, proud heritage compared to my seemingly bland and banal heritage (yes, that is up for argument, but at that moment, in that building, that's how it seemed to me).
Anyway, I think such an institute would not be possible in England, and that is truly our loss. I believe the New York way is right, and the John Lennon way is wrong. What do you think?
After word: Of course the above is slightly idealised. A minority of white English are overtly racist, and a larger minority are casually racist because their peers are also casually racist, (and they're too ignorant to know any better). And I'm sure that a native New Yorker may raise their eyebrows at my description of racial harmony and think, "that bloke's a pillock! What does he know?"
I readily accept that the blog uses sweeping generalisation to describe a complex and emotive subject. Hopefully readers will recognise that this is just to simplify the point, but I do apologise profusely . . . after all, I don't want to come across as some sort of racist!
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