A couple of times now staff at the Job Centre have frowned at my paperwork and asked me why I haven't had many interviews of late.

Truth of the matter is that I never did catch the attention of employers all that often, and with the job market so cutthroat these days, my interview rate is no less than expected.

Perhaps then I shouldn't have been suprised that I was given a vacancy offered by a retail chain, who describe themselves as a multinational company in England. Ahem.

Anyway, I had no choice but to make repeated attempts to phone the listed contact. The Job Centre had flgged the vacancy so they meant to check I had done my duty. So be it.

At the last minute I got through. The woman asked to phone me back, and a simple telephone interview ensued. What are my strengths? Weaknesses? What is the secret of commercial life, universe, and everything?

I passed all the screening questions. So, the lady informed me, I was due to attend an interview in three hours time. No pressure then.

It turned out to be a group interview session. A hundred nervous and socially inhibited applicants all sat in a department store cafeteria. I noticed a queue forming at one end, and as a member of the staff sauntered by, I asked her if we all had to queue up.

"Oh, I suppose so" She shrugged, "But don't worry, just wait until the queue winds down."

Okay. This was beginning to feel like some mystical ceremony in which us initiates must realise that employment salvation was getting up and joining the end of the queue.

Nonetheless, as the staff eventually introduced themselves and brought the meeting to some kind of coherence, they told us to go away if we wereb't serious about getting a job. Politely, of course, in a slightly wishy-washy way.

I ended up being called for my ten minute interview with the lady I originally spoke to, who turned out to be the boss. And now you must be asking - How did it go? Am I still a Great Unwashed Scrounging Layabout Wastrel, or am I a Thrusting And Dynamic Team Player With Good Career Prospects?

Find out in the next episode of Caldrails Big Interview!

The Apprentice - Again

Once more unto the board room, dear friends, once more... Lord Sugar has scoured the land for the worst entrepeneurs possible. I saw a comment that shaving seems to be a forgotten art.

Well, this is entertainment, not business, so three days growth is charcterful and visually seperates one suit from another - something you don't usually see in the real world of business.

Another comment was that The Apprentice is getting a bit tired as a television show. No suprise there. Given that these people are apparently running businesses out there in the high street, no wonder I can't get a job.