There are two ailments that are so beloved of the British working class. The first is flu, or rather a bad cold, which has to be responsible for more days off than anything else. The second is backache.

I know a lot of people pull 'sickies' with this excuse, but honestly putting your back out for real is astonishingly easy to do and excrutiatingly painful when it happens. What makes it worse is that no boss in the whole united kingdom will believe you if you report your suffering.

The first time I suffered back problems was when I worked as a picker in a warehouse. I wasn't doing anything strenuous, just bent down to pick up a single paperback and... Ouch!... Three days off work in agony. Not recommended.

On rare occaisions the same ailment reappears and this weekend I managed to set it off again. Today I'm walking around without difficulty. An odd twinge or two, but definitely on the mend. A good thing too because it really is embarrasing hobbling around town like an old man. I think I'll go to the library this morning and sit down for a while. Like all the other old people clogging up the seats.

More Monday Morning Moans

Our local library is upgrading the computors this morning. The upper floors are deserted, the screens all switched off with little notices telling users why. Downstairs a patient security guard deals with enquiries from the public, and even manages to get rid of BFL whose very important business has been interrupted by yet another upgrade.

I hung around for a while in the vain hope the system might get booted up. No such luck. So bad was this situation that a pair of policemen wandered round the library. Or perhaps they were looking for books on how to catch car vandals? Instead they consulted books on art.

Well it doesn't look like I'll be logging on for a while. Oh well. I'll pop down to the programme centre and look for a job instead. On the way out I handed a book to the librarian stacking the shelves near the door. Bless her, she smiled so happily, finally given something useful to do by a member of the public. Hey, that's my good deed for the day.

Meanwhile, Back At The Programme Centre

Why isn't this computer booting up? A quick fiddle with tiny buttons located here and there, and a light flickered. I must have done somnething. Hey! This computor still isn't working. I can't access the internet!

"Try rebooting it." Suggested the supervisor.

Okeedokee... Just wait for Microsoft to work its magic, and... Nope, still not working.

"Oh... I see... Well try this instead. I know this one works."

Okay, I transfer to the next computer and this one gave me a pretty little message box telling me some obscure software was corrupted or interfered with and could I please tell someone? Hey, Boss! This comnputors not working either.

"Strange... Okay, try this one over here."

If this doesn't work I'm going home. Anyone got a walking stick I can borrow?