A little while ago you couldn't watch television without seeing an advert for Shiela's Wheels, a company offering cheap car insurance for women drivers. Three ladies sat on a pink cadillac having a sing-song. To be honest, it was hard to ignore the blonde in the middle. She genuinely had some screen presence and the eye naturally falls on her.

Now it seems the television campiagn is so successful that the European Court of Justice have ruled that women cannot have cheaper car insurance because of their gender. Oh no. Does that mean I'm prevented from having my fix of an australian blonde? How can life get any worse?

I had to laugh though. The news program brought on some talking head to discuss these far reaching changes in car insurance equality. He said that whilst men and women pass their tests at more or less the the same rate, men are 25 times as likely to fall foul of the law or have an accident in the first two years of driving. He said "There must be something in their driving that's causing that."

Please excuse me whilst I rebandage my ribs. Of course there's something in it. Young men are more aggressive, competitive, and think nothing of the risks they take. Surely that's obvious to everyone. Why we do need to listen to an industry expert to ponder whether the problem exists?

So... No more bonzer deals for the girls. Soon there might be fewer BMW Z's and Porsche Boxsters cruising up and down the hill outside my home soon. Do I sound like I'm gloating?

Safer Sex?

The statistics are often used to demonstrate that women are better drivers. That isn't strictly true. Women apparently have more accidents than men, but when men prang a car, we do it properly. Before I get screamed at, I would like to point out that women are not always so innocent as drivers.

I remember a near collision with a young woman in her brand new Golf who clearly didn't know what 'one way street' meant, and either didn't see or had no experience of white arrows painted on the road surface to remind her that she was not driving in the right direction. She even had the cheek to toot her horn at me for getting in her way.

My favourite example happened one morning on a rooftop carpark at a warehouse I used to work in. The standard practice was for people to come up the ramp, drive in a big wide circle, and find the empty space that would allow them the quickest and most convenient getaway when their shift was done.

I was sat listening to the car radio before I went indoors, when a green Fiat made it's appearance. The woman who drove it was already notorious for being completely unable to park properly. Instead of parking between white lines, she always parked using a white line as a centreline to guide her in. Anyhow this particular morning she drove in a big wide circle, looking across to where she might find a white line to straddle, and promptly hit a lampost. The car lifted the rear wheels off the ground momentarily, and once she regained her composure, the woman stood staring at the damage, unable to believe that a lampost ran out in front of her like that.

I know, men are no better, but boy do I feel better now. Especially after seeing those ridiculous false eyelashes displayed by a young lady in an office I visited earlier today. I swear, if she fluttered her eyelids, she would take off.

Spooky

Have you ever walked down a pavement, minding your own business, not harming a fly, when all of a sudden someone near spooks you? I mean really, really spooks you?

Yes, you've guessed it, that happened to me. There I was, happily strolling down to the library for another session of internetting when I noticed this guy behind me, a few paces back. He was old, long faced, dressed like a hitman for the amish. He stopped when I stopped, stepped across the road when I stepped across the road, and generally set off my wierdo alarm.

I stepped aside and he brushed past without a word. Maybe I was in his way? Who knows?

Good News of the Week

Having lost my daily three hour dose of Star Trek, I've discovered that... Holy Heck!... One television channel is showing an hour of Batman. That's brilliant. Adam West was my guru. I base my life on his teachings. Not the other one, of course, he's a bit dodgy.

Now where can I buy one of those batmobile replicas? After all, those young ladies can't afford to drive their own cars anymore. They might need a lift to that very important business meeting.