That's it. I've had enough. After a few years of not writing any computer programs at all, I've discovered how much I've forgotten. There's a command phrase I need and I can't remember what it is. It's a strange irony that help files are no help whasoever when you don't know what you're looking for.

After spending a fruitless hour in a quest for digital enlightenment, I decide that I've had enough. Switch the darn thing off and get something to eat before I starve. So I stomp despondently into the kitchen and start a quest among the shelves for culinary enlightenment, only to discover I've been a little negligent about buying food. Starvation looks like a distinct possibility.

On the other hand, I still have a few quid in my pocket, an increasingly rare event these days. As it happens I nearly had more. A day or two before I bought a burger down the road and ended up totally confused by the vendors inability with english and his insistence that I still owed him money when I thought he owed me some. All a little bit embarrasing but it seems I was at fault, although it absent-mindedness rather than . At least I wasn't arrested or chased up the hill with a machete.

However, I had just enough for an indian takeaway. Not an expensive one of course, but it's still possible to buy a reasonably priced curry if you use cash. So having made my decision I turned from the kitchen, stomped despondently down the stairs and.... Huh?... Is that a bunch of letters in my postbox?

Yes, it is. A darn great pile of them. All of them weeks overdue and one postmarked 30th November. Apparently I'm in danger of losing my benefits if I don't reply to a letter sent a month ago. My credit card has been stopped for no logical reason whatsoever. I was even offered a job interview by an employer and I was blissfully unaware. You know, the sort of thing that you laugh at when it happens to someone else.

Something tells me I might receive a threat from the Job Centre to stop my benefits if I don't reply to a letter arriving two months late. Question is, who's guilty of late delivery?

My Indian Takeaway

Hmmm... Yeah... Tastes good.... (belch)... Wonder if I remembered to buy some toilet paper? This could get even more embarrasing...

Health Update

Some letters manage to get through. Having bravely allowed a nurse to stab me, my blood has been tested and I'm told not to worry. But please turn up again at a later date and get stabbed again. Brilliant. Im entrusting my health to a colony of vampires.