Swindon gets a lot of stick. It rains, it's boring, it's a no-go area for the fashionable. yet even one of our foremost critics, BBC's very own Top Gear, sometimes destroy cars just up the road from our undesirable borough (and show some magnificent views of Barbury Castle in the last episode. Come on guys, show some culture). So far however I have failed utterly to go hiking and walk past Wroughton airfield while they're filming. It's only a matter of time, chaps.

Joking aside, there are serious matters to contend with. Swindonians are not happy. Councillors are are knocking on doors asking residents if they agree with yellow lines, those hateful road markings that tell drivers they will be mauled by traffic wardens if they attempt to park their cars.

That of course assumes the road doesn't have any potholes in it, which might force you to park your car unexpectedly. Swindon is slowly collapsing into the ground so it seems. There's now an action group that, and I quote, "pushing the council to take action on those potholes forgotten by everyone else". Wow. They mean business. No pothole is safe.

But potholes are freaks of nature, the result of weather and geology, not to mention dodgy road maintenance. It seems manhole covers are being stolen. Swindon's neanderthal population have learned that they can catch innocent people for their cooking pots that way, and even better, earn a few quid from scrap metal.

In fairness, that's not a new problem. I understand that Hungary had to close railway lines not only because of governmental desires to make everyone use buses, but because certain citizens were knicking rails for scrap. That's happened in Britain too. Not far from Swindon either, one of the great railway towns of a bygone era.

But lastly, and most scandalously, it's man's best friend that is causing problems for Swindon. That's the furry barking kind of best friend, by the way, in case you misunderstood. Dog mess is everywhere and dogs are responsible. What, like that started happening yesterday?

Now come on, councillors, there are laws about dog faesces on the pavement and it's about time dogs were made to understand it isn't acceptable. No! Bad dogs! Naughty dogs! No more walkies for you!

Winter of the Week

I don't get it. Why is it so cold. Okay, I know it's the time of year when cold temperatures aren't so unusual, but this is the modern globally warmed era. The governments of the world are telling us that this sort of cold winter is a thing of the past. Why won't winter listen?And when is the government going to penalise winter for taking no notice of their eco-concious pronouncements? it's a scandal. It really is.