I live in a world that is increasingly surreal. I admit that. My horizons have shrunk enormously with the loss of transport and means to pay for it. That alone shouldn't be too significant because although I don't get out of the house much these days, I used to do so a great deal, thus I recall how it was to have a life.

Ahh, yes, those were the days! Pummelling peoples ears with a drum kit, flying aeroplanes, driving fast cars, and generally acting like every other young man with enough money to enjoy a spot of hedonistic living.

But recently my life reached a new level of surrealness. I received an email telling me that the Museum of Vacuum Cleaners is doing well and had a great financial 2010. Wow. Must go there sometime.

Virtual Danger

The news was depressing. The weather report unsuprising. The rejection letters from employers stacked up on the table. At times like this you need to walk away and do something. On this particular occaision I chose a computer flight simulation. Not something I always do, but it's fun in short doses and keeps me busy until the sun comes out again.

As it happened, I found myself at low altitude, closing in on a relatively slow and helpless enemy aeroplane. Under normal circumstances the outcome is predictable. On this occaision though the enemy was flying a lot slower and began to turn tighter than me. I don't remember quite how it happened, but my fighter 'flicked', a result of pushing the enveople too far, and it turned over on its back pointing toward the ground.

I know this was only a simulation, but my virtual life was over in the next second or two if I diidn't do something quick. Push the joystick forward. Give myself more seconds to get out of. Right roll, plenty of top rudder, and with barely feet to go before I became a war statistic, I pulled out of the desperate situation and began climbing away, looking around to see where that enemy plane had escaped to.

In real life I never faced that situation with aeroplanes, mostly because low flying is frowned upon by the authorities, but also because I didn't indulge in aerobatics in aircraft not designed for them, and at the end of the day I never was a fighter pilot.

Thing is though, I had a brief instant to react to that suprisingly frightening situation before the 'You're Dead' screen came up. I reacted without thinking about it. To have pondered my options at that moment would have invited disaster.

I was watching television the other night and a program came up about an incident in real life where a cockpit window on a passenger jet blew out. The captain of the aircraft was sucked out, held only by his ankles, pinned against the fuselage by the airflow. His cabin crew fought to get the airliner down and keep their captain held in place, even though they thought he was dead. As it turned out, the captain was a very lucky man, and made a recovery months afterward.

As rare as such incidents go, that was a real life situation. None of my problems with flying aeroplanes were ever that dramatic, thankfully, though I had one or two worrying moments and a couple of near misses. Training and instinct are great survival tools.

So I ended up shooting down the enemy plane and got a little star attributed to my name on the screen. It was just a game. But for that one moment, that fleeting instant, with the ground gyrating in the wrong way and disaster imminent, it all seemed very real. Afterward I switched off, and headed for the kitchen for something to eat. As for the airliner crew? They all suffered an extraordinary experience, and I doubt they'll dismiss it as lightly as I could with my computer adventures.

Opinions of the Week

"You are one" Growled some young man as he made his way past the house the other night. One what? Spit it out boy. If you want to make yourself heard, then do it properly.

Or why bother? I mean, what are you, exactly? A doctor, dentist, magistrate, policeman, fireman, ambulance driver, fighter pilot, businessman, or some other pillar of the community? I don't think so. Well, since you decided to tell the world what you think, I consider I have the same privilege.

You don't amount to anything, do you?