In what way can a man describe himself as free? I don't mean John Inman style availability (ugh), but rather that sense of freedom that allows you to pursue interests without harm or hindrance. There is the restraint of law, applied by the state to control our actions, which is identifiably a boundary for the lawful. Of course if you happen to be criminally minded then it's a challenge of sorts, but then you risk even more confinement.

Strictly speaking our laws defend our freedom, even though it doesn't seem that way half the time these days. In fact, we can claim to have laws that directly address the issue, since slavery has been outlawed since the 1830's in Britain. That's all well and good, but the law fails to address the real issue. The fact is slavery is alive and well, thriving under our noses so to speak, part of everyday life.

I won't waste your time with conspiracy theories or paranoia about secret government. Actually I think most of that is twaddle anyway, and as we say in our country, you're innocent until proven guilty. Yet despite that fundamental principle, I find few people observe it. You know what I mean. Something bad happens and sooner or later we start getting suspicious about someone, and before you know it, we're pointing fingers and demanding justice.

That sadly is the way human beings are. The benefit of civilisation, at least the relaitively benign one I live in, is that we have authorities who are duty bound to prove guilt, and the law says without such proof, a man can go about his lawful business. Superficially then we seem to be safe in our civilised world, free from any risk of being subjected to the ownership of other people.

Yet on a daily basis we accept a certain level of ownership. It's intrinsic to our social behaviour that we adopt a a place in a hierarchy, or accept affiliation within a tribal group of some kind, something we do unconciously.. More insidious are the more dominant members of society that seek to direct us. Your boss at work for instance. Almost certainly he or she demands certain behaviour before you're accepted into the workplace or allowed any advancement at all. Usually this requires no more than observing a few extra restrictions, most of which are foisted on your boss for health, safety, or good behaviour expected in the workplace. Sometimes, though, it gets ridiculous. You're expected to spend your free time playing golf, or drive a certain class, make, or model of car. You might be expected to marry someone. Usually someone you instantly don't want to be involved with, but then bosses are not known for being adept matchmakers. They have other priorities.

How far does this sort of influence and control have to go before a man can say he is no longer free? I suppose it depends on the individual, and how much he expects to receive in return for conformity and obedience. Yet I cannot help thinking that there is a more definable boundary to becoming a modern slave or free citizen. In fact, the Romans discovered this millenia ago. Cassius Dio for instance, whose histories are chock full of demonstations of what is or isn't freedom and enslavement. It all boils down to one thing. Self determination. If you can longer choose, if your course of action is irrevocably dictated by someone else, the wisdom of ancient times suggests that you are, in very real terms, enslaved. Well they ought to know. They enslaved enough people didn't they?

And My Answer Is?

No, I don't want to be a christian. Sorry, but it's an insufferably hypocritical religion that hides an entire subculture of malice and spite. And a few paediophiles as well.

No, I don't want to be a soldier. I know the army have kindly sent me offers of employment, but I'm too old and quite frankly not at the best of my health, plus if for some stupid reason they accepted me for service they might discover I'm more of an artist than a warrior. Sorry, but I am. It annoys my sense of masculinity I suppose but then again, there's more to being masculine than a lot of body hair, right?

No, I don't want to smoke cigarettes. It's a smelly habit and as for it being a rite of manhood - Maybe it is if you're thirteen years old. Didn't I say something earlier about being able to choose?

No, I don't want sex with that particular woman. Sorry, but she's utterly awful, insensitive, and hides a malicious streak that would frighten Genghis Khan. Okay, I do sort of like to ogle her mammary glands, but I can't help that. It's something to do with a primitive bit of my brain that doesn't think about it very much.... Uh oh.... I'm thinking about it... Apparently I've got another twenty seconds before I think about it again. Women have no idea how hard being a man can be.

No, I don't want to be homosexual. If two blokes want to go off and do whatever two blokes do to each other, then go away and do it someplace else. I really do not want to know. Fact is I still prefer the half of society that have mammary glands for me to ogle. Told you it would crop up again in twenty seconds. You just can't take me anywhere.

No, I don't want to watch football. Back in the Middle Ages an english king had the sport banned. No, really, he did. For a period of history usually regarded as being somewhat ignorant that was a suprisingly erudite move. I'll bet he wasn't disturbed at four o'clock in the morning by singing contests. Actually I think he was more disturbed by french people and by what extent his subjects weren't practising useful life skills like archery. So, if the army recruiter who kindly sent me those offers of fun and sun fixing lorries, I have a suggestion. Yes, recruit a hooligan today. Export our troublemakers to troublespots. That'll put hair on their chest.

Ten Past Four

It's been a late night. The Soccer Singers have finally remembered which way is home and have wandered off after failing to get any reaction from their unwilling audience. I have no idea what it was all about. Somehow I doubt it was anything world shakingly important. Football just isn't that significant. Unless of course you're a premiership footballer and excused archery practice. Well it's finally time for me to hit the sack.That at least I can still choose to do. Goodnight everyone, sleep well,