I woke to the alarm clock this morning as I suspected I might. That's the price you pay for staying up late. I now have half an hour to get dressed and down to the job centre to sign on. Inertia is a terrible obstacle first thing, amplified by the frigid temperatures that only a siberian would scoff at. No, it's no good, I have to get out of bed.

Having fallen listlessly sideways onto the carpet, I was suddenly aware that I was risking hypothermia unless I moved. Move I did. In fact, I was very lucky, because having gotten dressed randomly in a state of shivering stupor I was lucky to present anything close to a cohorent appearance. Maybe nearly fifty years of practice helped?

Opening the curtains at the front of the house revealed the sandbags strewn across the road where some irate drunkard had left them. A road sign marking the diversion for traffic had gone missing. Not that anyone needs it. There's a placarded barrier across the road further down where they're digging the sewer up.

Once out the door I was stunned by how piercing the air was on this grey and dismal morning. How can it get colder? How is it possible Britain is suddenly this freezing? This is an era of global warming for crying out loud.

Maybe the young woman at the job centre had the right idea. She came in with the most outlandish pink furry boots ever, the sort you'd expect to prepare from the recently hunted corpse of a transvestite mammoth.

A Philosophical Discussion

Most of the conversations you hear in our library are pretty mundane. A woman tells her bored offspring to stay bored, a couple whisper about where to go on holiday together and fail completely to agree, an asian bloke making business deals over his mobile, a customer completely baffled by modern technology and seeking assistance from an equally baffled librarian, or that old woman who thinks everyone should know what she thinks. And so on...

Today was different. A chap I once discussed philosophy with was there again, this time lecturing his colleague on the validity of God. His colleague listened politely, pronouncing it as an interesting point, and remaining unwilling to betray his lack of intellect by attempting to discuss it with the philosopher, who for his part wouldn't let anyone else get a word in and kept glancing at me in fear that I would get involved.

I have to say that whilst he witters on about how logic dictates this or that, he does base his opinions on some astounding assumptions, such as... Ahh, but you're only reading politely too, aren't you?

Test of the Week

As part of my jobsearch I had to complete an online personality test today, to discover who I am and what I might be good at, and other deep philosophical questions urgently required in the fight for employment survival.

Apparently I tend towatd behavioural rather than non-behavioural. I know some people who could tell you different. But in fairness the personality profile was around two-thirds corrct, or at least, that close to my own self-image, which, I'm assured by the local wildlife, is nowhere close to reality.

At least I have the intelligence not to try to steal a car that's been disused for two years and shows physical evidence of vandalism. But the idiot tried last night nonetheless. He got quite upset that his chosen ride proved to be somewhat more static than he expected, but there you go. Must have been cold walking home last night.

Overall my test scores were pretty good. I'm numerate, literate, and creative. Now, really, that's official. I've taken the test. But is that all I am? These questions and more will be answered same time, same office, next year.