Just to prove that remote areas of the United States are not the only desirable place for alien invasions, we have one of our own, with a real live Dalek in the library. I can hear it warbling downstairs. For around five seconds the gathered children were stunned into silence.

With the harsh distorted voice we expect of malicious pepperpots armed with rayguns, it said "I only want to be loved. I came to your planet because I thought you were caring. How wrong can a Dalek be? Exterminate!!!!"

At least the parents fell over laughing. Once the kids had recovered from the suprise of seeing the Dalek actually move and communicate in front of them, they all started screaming requests for some sign of recognition. The Dalek of course is uniquely unable to wave hello, and thus the children are traumatised forever, learning that not all toys are soft and comfy. The naughty kids soon gained precedence, yelling to to demand attention from the alien invader, and starting arguments with the harassed space being, who asked them not to shout. I have a sneaking feeling the Dalek desperately wanted his raygun to work.

"I will destroy the building!" Claimed the Dalek. Really? There was a time when they routinely threatened to destroy our planet. All that wasted effort. All they needed to do was build a Carbon Dioxide Plant and we were all doomed.

Of course the 'pepperpot' is only a machine to carry the mutated creature inside it. The original Dalek was a green slimey squidgy thing with distended tentacles. The newer Dalek resembles a cyclopean octopus. It has to be said, we humans far prefer fluffy animals in general. Daleks lack the cute factor. They also lack the winning streak. After decades of experience in dealing with them, I'm pleased to announce that humanity has risen to the challenge of the library invasion. Poor Dalek. He doesn't stand a chance against those kids...

Pretty Faces

My daily ritual involves waiting to sign on. Claimants come and go, some happy, some morose, mostly shabby rejects of society by circumstance or choice. By and large the ladies are not what you'd call attractive. Women have an unfair advantage in the workplace. If they're at all attractive, they get preferential treatment from the boss, something I lost out to once as a young woman got promoted over my head because she was slightly sexier than me.

Yesterday I sat there among the throng of quiet claimants. A couple of ladies emerged into view. Actually, they weren't bad, much more desirable than the usual working class harridans shoving their offspring here and there with frustrated barking orders.. Little things like pretty faces can change your entire day, but wait, hold the bus, who is that?

An oriental lady stepped into the office. Apart from some natural shyness, she was charismatic, utterly gorgeous, and dressed to kill. I hope the government understand I now have an excuse to carry on claiming.