I spoke too soon. Serves me right I guess, but that doesn't excuse what happened. Last night someone tried to steal or steal from my sorry looking Eunos Cabriolet. It has no steering wheel. It has no gear knob. There's an entire ecology all of it's own thriving inside that vehicle. Moss is growing along the ground each side of the car. And if those clues weren't enough, it has two gaping holes in the roof marking the previous attempts by larcenous youths to steal whatever they could.

So why did this idiot try it last night? Too much alcohol? Now there's a broken window on the drivers side. Glass all over the seat. Call me optimistic, but maybe the next spotty animal who wants to commit damage or theft might realise there isn't any point.

Normally I would have phoned the police. Reported the damage as indeed they ask us law abiding citizens to do. Except I won't won't bother. Because they aren't going to either. It's raining, so they can't take fingerprints. It's a disused vehicle so it doesn't rate as important. And in any case, the police have made it clear they don't believe a single word I said to them.

I mean, everyone knows car windows break by themselves, eh?

Talking About Thieves

I cannot believe what I just heard. Ed Milliband, the new hopeful Labour Party leader, has said he would be willing to put taxes up again, even more than the previous government did.

Is he nuts? Has he not noticed that if people havene't got enough money in their pockets to buy consumer goods, shops go out of business. More people claiming unemployment benefits. And bigger bills to pay, which means ever bigger tax rises. The man is a bona fide idiot.

Vote Labour? I think not. Thieves don't rate highly in my opinions just right now.

We Need A Hero

It comes to something when you realise that Bonnie Tyler was actually a prophetess. She needed a hero decades ago, but Swindon could do with one now. As Swindon resembles Gotham City more and more, a caped vigilante making sure villains get there comuppance is a great idea.

So I was hugely pleased to see that a company in America is building replicas of the 1966 Batman car, the bewinged wonder that used to burst out of a roadside cave along to a thrilling music score. My childhood addiction to the camp sixties series has definitely scarred me for life. Already I'm having a relapse, savouring the mental image of blasting down the local high street with a flamethrower out the back (which works ion the replicas too, I see)

But my dreams will come to nothing. As soon as Eddy Baby gets into power, cars will be taxed off the road. Who will save Swindon from the forces of Larceny then?