Now that I've been put on fortnightly signing again I have to fill in a form declaring what I've done to find work. The first question asks whether I've completed the criteria of my Jobseekers Agreement. This means all those weekly activities that the Department of Work and Pensions insist on even if they won't improve my employment chances one iota.

If I were to check the 'NO' box, I would have to fill in a series of searching and embarrasing questions, not to mention concoct some inventive excuses before they stopped my money.

If, on the other hand, I check the 'YES' box having completed my activities as I do intend to, I still have to answer one question that asks why I haven't completed my tasks.

Are they serious? It's a form that either makes me sign as guilty of failing to meet expected standards, or that I'm lying about whether I have. That's called entrapment. No, I'm not having this. Time to go down to the Job Centre and sort this issue out.

To my suprise the lady at the desk advised me not to answer the question at all. Good for her. She's gone up in estimations immensely. I've promoted her from 'vacant android' to 'sensible person'. At her advice I summoned the claims manager from his bunker and had a short argument with him. You know, I don't think he's got any regard for claimants at all. I certainly don't fit his stereotypes. Since he's in a position of influence that means he shrugs and assumes that sooner or later I'll be forced to adopt one. Sorry mate. Sometimes people lose their jobs too.

Sleeping At The Wheel

Some of you reading yesterdays entry will have noticed a mention of a close call in a car when I dozed off. That really did happen, on my way home from Leicester one dark night. Had I not woken when I did, I would have made the newspapers. That sort of fame I can do without.

That had been a long day. To leicester and back in one day to meet friends and such. Although I was used to that, having been on the road in rock bands and such, I thought I was okay. I really did. In fine fettle I set off and nearly taught my car how to fly half an hour later.

Luckily there was a motorway rest stop twenty miles down the road and I stopped there for a breather. Funny thing was, I was fine the rest of the way home. All it took was a fifteen minute rest. Very strange.

Fire!

Our local vandals set fire to the alleyway again last night. The flames were quite spectacular when I spotted them, reaching eight feet high or more. I called the fire service out (and probably so did others) and they had the fire out in seconds. Well done lads.

Noise of the Week

Definitely goes to the garage across the yard. It sounded like a robot being treated at a dentist without anaesthetic. Extraordinary.