My jobsearch is officially two years old. To mark this momentous anniversary, the Job Centre have asked me to sign on every day. Every day? Yes. Every day. Each day I must climb the stairs, await the call, and present the evidence that I'm actually looking for work. Can anyone understand the logic of this? I've been applying for jobs regularly for two years. Why do I need to go under the microscope like this?

The answer seems obvious. Someone is making complaints and so I must be investigated. I wonder who? Revenge of the Letting Agent? A disgruntled neighbour? An overzealous police officer? Or just some spiteful idiot fired up by bigotry and misinformation? Nothing so insignificant. My new claims advisor has read the riot act to me and explained that since I'm such a useless jobseeker, the government has decided in their ultimate wisdom that retards need extra help.

He tried to convey the inevitability of it all. As if I hadn't figured that out for myself. I already know what the rules are. I did mention though that having to come in every day was a bit... well... What's the word?....

"Threatening?" He suggested.

No. Not threatening (even though he clearly wanted to impress upon me the awful reality of not telling the truth). It's... A little bit disempowering.

He agreed. Tough. All part of lifes rich tapestry.

Party Animals

No, I've had enough. I need some fresh air and exercise. Time then for a walk aound Lawns and just get a breather from all this bureaucratic nonsense.

I set out across the meadow on the hillside. The wild grass is a mix of pale and almost purple stalks stretching away to the trees that mark the boundary, split by mown pathways for people to walk along in various directions of convenience. I chose mine, and headed for the far side of the wood.

To my left an old man wandered slowly, his black retriever enjoying his walkies with extraordinary exuberance for a dog of his size. It saw me and bounded straight over, intent on playing a sort of chase game as it would with another dog, but since I'm not qualified as a canine, I had no choice but to maintain normal human behaviour and pet the dog to keep it happy. Luckily the dog got the message despite its excitement at meeting a new friend. The owner was concerned that I was going to be angry at being accosted by his faithful companion, but no, how could I resent the dog's playful spirit? I simply chuckled and gave in to the dogs demand for attention.

By strange coincidence a second black retriever was on its way, dragging its equally elderly owner in its wake. It too caught the happy mood and finding myself, quite literally, in a pack of party animals. That was a little daunting. The second owner was also concerned that I wasn't getting a little worried by these big dogs running and jumping about. "All right?" He asked me. Don't worry, I replied, I think I've gotten away with it.

By even stranger coincidence a third black retriever was encountered in the woodland path leading back to the entrance of Lawns. The impatient female owner groaned at her dogs interest in another tree trunk and with some exasperation said "Do you have to sniff at every single tree?"

Trust me lady, I know how you feel.