There was a time when I used to enjoy good food. Okay, I'm not exactly a gourmet critic, but even in a modest supermarket it's possible to find something genuinely tasty these days. These days? That is the issue isn't it? I've been unemployed for two years, energy bills have doubled, my income hasn't, and the government want to cut the benefits we get paid. I can't afford to be too fussy or ambitious about what I eat any more, so inevitably the Pot Noodle crops up in the menu sometimes.

Have you ever tried those things? It's what I imagine chinese astronauts might have to endure on long space voyages. I've become used to the Bombay Special Pot Noodle - probably the only one in the entire range that's in any way palatable - but recently that reached more than a pound a pot to purchase. It seems space flight is getting more expensive all the time. As it happens there's an alternative. A cheaper pot noodle sat on the shelf below. Looks like I'm going to have to try it. I could even stoop to the cheapest of all on the bottom shelf, costing a matter of a few pence, but my courage fails me at that point. So I purchased the unfamiliar instant meal of my choice. Curry and chips flavour.

The instructions begin with "Rip off the lid in a manly fashion". Seriously, it really does say that. So after sweeping up the contents from the kitchen surface and putting it back in the plastic container, the only remaining task is to pour hot water into it. If a chinese astronaut can manage that, I'm sure I can.

So what was the budget pot noodle like? Well it manages to avoid tasting bad by having no taste at all. It's like eating shredded plastic bags Not that I know what that's like, I haven't sunk to the depths of a Charlie Chaplin parody just yet, but how do you describe the sensation of something that's designed not to cause one? Just add water.

Swindon By The Sea

All this talk of global warming and rising sea levels reminds me of a map I once saw of what Great Britain would look like following a complete meltdown of the polar ice caps. Swindon would be roughly on the coast. It is an interesting point because it was once before. Back in parts of the Jurassic era the area, although further south at the time, was a sub-tropical archipelago with a coral reef stretching from what is now Wootton Bassett to Highworth.

Back in the modern day I've just seen posters for a public event called "Swindon By The Sea". Are they serious? Maybe Swindon isn't exactly the centre of southern England, but it comes pretty darn close. How landlocked do we have to be before someone notices the sea isn't there? Climate change or not, I don't think I'll be needing to buy a boat just yet, and I doubt ethnic raindances are going to make Swindons climate any wetter.

All the same, I'll keep an eye out for lines of animals marching two by two up the hill. But what's the point? That happens every saturday night...