It's no good. I'm going to have to wash myself. I cannot tell you how much I'm dreading this experience. Please don't misunderstand. I have absolutely no desire to go about smelling of body odour whatsoever, but without hot water, all I have is a bucket of cold water in the bath which I very cleverly allowed to stand for a few hours in order for it to achieve room temperature.

When I was young, I remember the fun I had washing mysef in such a manner during my camping expeditions. With all of us going through our own communal hell, it was a jolly wheeze. Now that I'm dangerously close to being a wheezing old gent, this isn't jolly in any way whatsoever. It comes as a shock to discover exactly how uncomfortable room temperature really is.

Rub myself down with a damp sponge... Whip up a lather with soap... So far this is just about bearable... Right, now to sponge off the soap and dirt I've accumulated since giving up my life of luxury... As I rub the sponge on the back of my neck and shoulders the water runs down my back in cold rivulets... Ah.. Ah.. Ah.. Not nice. Don't like that. You know, I think this is what it's like being poor. I so want to be rich and famous right now.

Covered in Oil

"BP have failed" Announced my father. As he's a relatively uncommunicative person, such a statement was beyond my experience and it took a while for the sound to register on my perceptions. Such a long while that he repeated his observation.

Usually I would make some clever or erudite reply and bring the conversation to an end before it becomes a socially awkward monent, but considering the scale of the impending disaster facing Louisiana, I was lost for words. I know Louisiana is a place far far away, a corner of the world I've never been to and if my gas bill continues to rise, never will, but there's a sense of grim resignation about it all. You know there's going to birds struggling to stand up, coated in thick sludge on a blackened sandy beach, no matter how hard they work to prevent this fate.

I do actually hope those working to contain this disaster achieve something here. It would be tragic if attempts to avert the damage were abandoned or failed. Good luck chaps (and chapettes). Do yer best.

All in all, I think my own cleaniness isn't such a big problem.