For some reason I woke very early this morning. I mean, it was still dark outside, so this must have been about five o'clock or something daft. Even dafter was the impulse to get out out of bed, pack the pack, and head the heck out toward the hills. So naturally I obeyed this impulse because my intellect hadn't woken up yet.

You see this time of year is a bit awkward. Sure, it's very chilly in the first light of dawn, but any exercise in warm clothing produces nothing but sweat. In cold conditions I can't tell you how uncomfortable that can get. If you strip off down to a layer thin enough not to sweat, you freeze. Better get going then.

As sunsets go it was as dull as ditchwater. It's clouds that make for dramatic backlighting and picturesue contrasts, but that pale blue sky was featureless. On the other hand, there was a sort of mist hovering over Coate Water like some 50's budget pirate film. Thankfully all the pirates had already gone home to bed.

As hikes go it was nothing special but I did notice how polite people seemed to be for no apparent reason. Everyone who passed me by, even the flourescent lycra body socks cycling at speed along the trails, said hello or good morning. It is a good morning. And it got better. At Ogbourne the sheep followed me. A herd several paces behind that gathered and moved when I moved. Just staring at me... Staring....

Having escaped the sheep I made my way up Smeathes Ridge and the grassy hills of the Marlborough Downs. I attracted a herd of cows the other side of the femce. They followed me and moved when I moved. Staring... Just Staring...

Eventually I reached the crest of the hill and sat down on a metal bench thoughtfully left there for walkers to enjoy the view across the undulating terrain. The cows waited patiently at the fence. Staring... Is there something going on I don't know about? Have I achieved a high enough karma to make bovine hearts swoon at my presence? Wish it had worked a few days ago. It was about then I realised that that two cows were on my side of the fence. Except these cows had horns and dangly things... Bulls. They watched me, staring... At least they weren't attacking. I see know why military surplus is invariably olive green. Only bulls with colour blindness would think I was a threat to their bull-li-ness and charge headlong in what would probably be a succesful attempt to get me to run away. With a bit of luck I'll blend into the hillside and make my getaway unseen.

Changes in the Countryside

Whereas our towns and villages are filled with pubs either closed down or glumly carrying on regardless of mounting debt, the countryside is becoming a haven of half demolished buildings. The cafe at Barbury Hill has gone, an empty brick shell. A large barn further down the footpath to Liddington lies in abandoned disarray. The shotgun range is quiet.

Taking a Breather

Eventually I reached the old oak north of Chiseldon and sat on the bench provided for another chance to rest my weary legs and quaff from my military surplus water bottle. Groan ye not, because they do actually work, and are sturdy enough to take the bumps and grinds of hiking. In an emergency you could melt it down and make a fake credit card. I think I saw Ray Mears do something like that once.

The thing is though it was genuinely peaceful out there. The wind in the trees, the filtered sunsine, the contrails and rumbles of transatlantic jets bringing people home at low low prices after being stranded for weeks, the songs of birds, and yes, down there, among the trees of the hillside, a large deer trots along on its secretive business.

A woman was coming up the farm trail that leads to the lower meadows of the valley, and I asked her if she'd seen the deer. "Errr.. Nooo..." She replied, but we ended up having a nice little conversation about how her dog ate a dead animal last night. Just found it out walking and the dog, named Barney, couldn't resist pigging out on it, and growled mightily when the family tried to take the horrible remains away. I sense Barneys owner hasn't yet cottoned on to how boring her dog food is.

As we were walking along a herd of cows in an adjacent field trotted over to check out the new visitor in his olive green gear. I had to explain to the woman it was just me they wanted and not to be afraid of mindless cows. What is it with animals this morning? Has someone sprayed me with Ox For Men as a joke? It's seriously like encountering a crowd of fans who've never heard of autographs.

"Oh but they kill people sometimes" She warned me.

Oh brilliant. Ray Mears please take note. I succesfully evaded the cow herd by walking on. They don't seem able to negotiate obstacles like barbed wire fences. Barney and her fearful owner made their escape in the opposite direction. You can't pay for survival tips like this.