Swindon is renowned for it's dreary wet weather and today our unusual run of sunny mornings turned into a damp squib of a day. It's hard to describe how the mood in our rainy old borough changes when it gets wet because basically it doesn't. People are the same, apart from being possibly a little less drunk. So let me take you by the hand and lead you through the aisles upstairs, and I'll tell you something that will finally make up your mind...

Highlights of the Day

1 - Caldrail singing "My Cardboard Is Waiting" just to get the morning off to a start. It just about killed the mood entirely but hey, who needs Simon Cowell when you have the Stockroom Factor?

2 - KS has gotten his wicked way with miss bleached blonde bombshell and deleted her from his facebook page now that he's on the run from her outraged boyfriend. He's also on the run from RS, a malignant skeletal pixie who was communicating her desire to ravish his body with her pen. And I thought I was metamorphosing into Benny Hill... I don't know what he's worried about, the girl has the memory of a goldfish.

3 - Miss L called KS a 'whore'. She also called him a 'retard'. She also fired off a lot of rubber bands. I guess she was in that kind of mood.

4 - Miss G finally recognised my existence and even laughed at one of my lengthy and very interesting anecdotes about life, the universe, and everything. Such a polite girl. She even had the good manners to wander away very discreetly, and despite nodding at my every witticism, managed to covertly send a text to one of her friends.

5 - Miss A finally took the plunge and invited me to her party this weekend. We're going to play Connect 4 and Twister and eat sausages on a stick. Can't wait.

6 - The assistant manager passed me on the stairs. I hardly ever bump into her, but she smiles and says hello, followed by hysterics when she notices I have BORIS written on my high-vis vest. I'm starting to realise they keep me around for the comedy value alone.

And In Conclusion

After it's all said and done, I feel it's worth leaving the last word to J, who looked up from his hastily assembled lunch in the rest area and said "You lot have destroyed my life. I hate you all.... And now... Back to the sandwich".