Same thing we do every night, Pinky...
Entry posted by docoflove1974
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There once was a point in my life that I really didn't care about going out. Well, that's what I thought...in reality I was lonely, but also in denial about said lonliness, so as far as I was concerned, hitting the town with friends was no big deal. Sure, it's fun, but I wasn't concerned that I was missing out on the grandest of times.
At the time, I was living in Austin, working on my degree and, frankly, not very happy. Oh, I loved the city, loved the university...just hated the state (sorry, all you Texans out there in UNRV world), and really wanted to move back to the West Coast. I knew that this NorCal chick didn't fit in the Lone Star State, with the small exception of the capital city...and, really, that wasn't making my life any happier. So, as a result, I was slightly depressed...not enough to truly be sitting at home, sad sack and all, crying into my beer. I just preferred to stay home much of the time, and trapse out into the night life when I could financially do it and when my heart desired it. Oh, I wasn't anti-social; many times I was spending time with friends on the weekends, or we were watching movies at home. But to say that I saw a new movie every week, imbibed various types of swill other potent potables, danced the night away, and all that, well, I didn't feel the need on a constant basis. Sure, every now and then I'd go let my hair down like that, but I never felt the need to. I had a comfy couch, most everything that I wanted at home, so why not stay in?
I lived like that for a long time--even after I moved back home to the Bay Area. The difference was, back home I was doing it because I was either broke or because I had so much work to get done, that the little free time I had was spent on the couch, relaxing. Go out? Are you mad? I just spent the last 2 weeks slaving on that chapter. I'm pooped...wiped out...my butt's on that couch, and I'm enjoying that baseball game, dammit. My parents understood--they saw how hard I worked, and how it was draining me--but at times my brothers didn't. "Why don't you go out for the evening...go see what the world looks like? Why do you have to stay at home?" Um, well, because I'm exhausted, mentally and to a lesser extent physically, I really just want to curl up with my cat, pop in a movie or tune into a game, and just relax. No thinkiing, no talking, no nothing. Just...peace.
I finally got to the point that I could go out every now and then, but to be honest I still couldn't afford it. Ok, so I didn't hit the bars and such, but I hung out with the neighbors, joined a dating site in order to meet some eligible bachelors. And I did...one, in fact, was exclusively mine for 7 months. But it was more than just the dating that I enjoyed; for the first time in a while, I actually had time to be a member of society. I was being social! Going to museums! Spending time in the park--ok, so I brought work along with me, but so what. Going to the beach for the day! The past year has been this way: work hard during the week, spend at least one day of the weekend in some public place, but still getting work done throughout the week.
Recently a friend of mine accused me of being a workaholic. Hah. A workaholic purposely puts themselves into situations that they *have* to work--they make excuses, whine that they're miserable, and then work some more. They could, in theory, take time off, but they convince themselves that they're needed and wanted. They also financially are able to take time off...they just choose not to. Nope, not me. I can't afford to take much time off. If I don't work, then I don't pay the bills, it's that simple. Sure, I wish I could take more time off, travel more. But the fact that I've got these little things like gas bills, phone bills, student loan payments, rent payments, and the like, added to the fact that I don't have a full-time job, well, that pretty much puts a wrinkle into things. Besides, there's one more element: I truly love what I do. I have 2-3 classes at one campus--a campus that has enchanted me with its students, its staff, its faculty, and its environment. I openly enjoy teaching there. I've now started up private group courses with another group of people that I've come to enjoy immensely, and it has gotten me to think about other projects that I want to do in the future. I'm always looking for full-time positions that are interesting to me. Basically, if I'm a workaholic, it's because I have the energy and the stamina to do it...and because I love what I do. Is that so wrong?
And let's face it...I spend my free time watching movies, gardening, hanging out with friends. It's just that I don't have as much free time as most do. Academia is not for the lazy, and it's everything that you make it to be. I wish I had more time to research--as of now, it's relegated to the summers, and maybe during spring break. I wish I could take these amazing trips every year to far off places, or do whatever comes to mind. But I can't, and that's just the way it is right now. But, to be honest, it's not like my life was ever full of that. Some of us just don't swing that way.
But every night, I still try to take over the world 
And in June, Italy will be next! A ha!
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