They still want me to reaffirm my devotion to Jesus.

This is ridiculous. How can you reaffirm something you never affirmed in the first place? Not once have I ever voluntarily entered a church for a public service in my entire life. It's as if they're saying "Be miserable heathen. Or be happy as a christian". That's like becoming a slave and being happy about it because at last you have someone to boss you around.

Look guys, Jesus wasn't the son of any God whatsoever and you know what? I just can't can't get all reverent about a dusty remnant of someones bones who's been dead and gone for two thousand years. How many times do I need to say this?

You might argue that religion has a useful role. I agree. In a week where at least two people were stabbed to death in our fair borough not far from where I live, the absence of morality has serious implications for residents hereabouts. It's all very well locking these criminals up for a couple of years before they get out on good behaviour, or merely putting locked gates on alleyways where most of this happens, but this doesn't actually solve the problem. All it does is push the problem somewhere else.

I say teach these miscreants about Jesus. Let them suffer Christianity. Hopefully it will do them good and turn them into model citizens that will become pillars of the community and demand gates across their alleyways at nights to stop people being deadly little heathens at night.

Why am I supporting the spread of a religion I despise? Because rules are there for the guidance of wise men and the obedience of fools. I on the other hand am a sensible spiritualist. Sort of a pagan who stays in at night. What's the problem with that?

Too Much To Chew

You might argue that my rarified social life results in few friends. Well... Yes, it does, but luckily modern technology comes to our rescue with modern media and communications. I've been learning from my young working companion KS how the younger generation socialises via the interweb and those little boxes they keep on tapping with their thumbs.

It seems the youngsters of today have a new and different way of dating. I've been observing KS and his methods. In my day, you plucked up the courage to ask, got ripped to shreds publicly, and wandered away completely destroyed as a human being. These days they send a text on a mobile phone. Instead of 'hunting' like we used to do, it's more like fishing.

Sadly KS has failed to land Miss L2 using these methods. He shrugs and tells us he's not interested. Obviously he only wants the tiddlers and in a very responsible fashion always throws them back in the water afterward. Why worry? Another girlfriend is only a text message away. Or in the case of one young lady in the stockroom, a cute handwritten message in biro left on the workstation desk. Awwww.... Now if only that were for me....

What My Boss Does For Fun

"Hallo" is the warning sound of my boss wandering around the stockroom looking for something I need to clear up. She's no dragon thankfully, so her tasks are only slightly onerous and with some effort and a team of overseers driving a couple of thousand egyptian slaves, can be easily achieved within a lifetime. Today I discovered what she does for fun. She's a pole dancer in her off hours. I'm not making this up.

Shock of the Week

It turns out that Miss L knows, or at least travelled on the same bus as, our resident sex change person. It's a small world. It really is.

Hi There

It's come to my attention that Miss L has discovered my blog. She's already test-flown her umbrella earlier today and will at some point waft in on a breeze to check out the text. So I'd better say hello while she's here.

Hi Miss L. Welcome to my villa. Keep off the grass please.