There's a chap who works on the shop floor who sometimes comes up to grab stock from us. The sort of guy who's completely grey. He just doesn't intrude on the senses at all, In fact, I wouldn't mention him at all if it wasn't for his party trick of exhaling smoke. No, seriously he does, without a cigarette, dark grey smoke billowing out of his lungs. It looks utterly bizarre. KS spotted it today and we had a banter about this strange phenomenon.

Not only do we have a ghost on the premises, but a dragon as well. I wonder if the store sells floppy hats? Either that or the air conditioning seriously does need investigating.

Silliest Books of the Year?

I spotted a run-down of this years nominated books for the annual silly book awards. Okay... Take a deep breath as Caldrail dons the mantle of literary critic (Which is perfectly legal despite opinions to the contrary - the Geneva Convention doesn't cover this aspect of hostilities). Lets see what people are writing these days...

Afterthoughts of a Worm Hunter (DWT Crompton)

Most people give up putting worms in their pockets by age nine. The rest write books like this when they retire.

Collectible Spoons of the Third Reich (James Yannes)

This is not a joke. You really can collect them. Read this handy guide and rush down to your nearest Nazi memoribilia store now!

Crocheting Adventures In The Hyperbolic Plane (Daina Taimina)

I had no idea that Crochet was such a scientific subject. It's like Star Trek in wool, but without the comedy and relationship stuff. Or any kind of plot whatsoever.

Governing Lethal Behaviour In Autonomous Robots (Ronald Arkin)

Get this. This guy believes that self-governing robots will be nice to us. Okay, Mister Arkin, we know you're a cyber-agent sent here to prepare the way for your logical masters from another planet. And we all laughed at those fifties space invasion movies. Erm... Whatever happened to the guys who made those films?

100 Girls On Cheap Paper (Tina Berning)

Hand made *or* for those who prefer art.

How You Are Like Shampoo: For Job Seekers (Brenda bence)

You want that job? Forget CV's, interviews, and letters, just send the employer a thirty second video with you smiling at your lack of grey hair.

I Stopped Sucking My Thumb... Why Can't You Stop Drinking? (Elaine Bergmann)

A story about someones mum. Nope. I've just put it back on the shelf and forgotten it exists.

Peek-A-Poo: Who's In Your Diaper? (Guido Van Genechten)

An existential tale of a curious mouse in four hundred sizzling chapters with lots of hot gypsies and soiled underwear. It's like a potty-training manual in code.

Venus Does Apollo While Apollo Shags A Tree (Tim Desmondes)

This is about the sex secrets of the Roman Empire. As if they bothered to keep it secret. Good heavens, they're all at it you know... Sorry, but the existence of Frankie Howerd proves that the Romans knew very little compared to our very own Neo-Orgiastic period. But I digress....

A Tortilla Is Like Life (Carol Counihan)

Collected biographies of Hispanic American women concerned with food. Wouldn't a recipe book have been a better idea?

Advances In Potato Chemistry And Technology (Lovedeep Kaur/Jaspreet Singh)

Wow... Potatoes are taking over the world. Next years computers will be fitted with potato chips for the first time.

Bondage For Beginners (Lisa Sweet)

Yes... I'm afraid she has written it. Knots and all.

Plough Music (David Medcalf)

Everything you ever wanted to know about ploughing is in another book. This title has everything else.

Schoolgirl Milky Crisis (Jonathon Clements)

Everything the aspiring Roman wanted to know about Japanese comics and cartoons without having to invade. You only need to look at the pictures.