We were all stunned this morning to discover KS had not turned up for work. Absence is a dangerous thing on a government sponsored placement. You could end up losing your benefits entitlement (or even your freedom, as one young lady was found guilty of submitting the bus expenses three times over and now faces a criminal prosecution).

We were all discussing our missing friend. Has he been killed on a runaway bus, has his girlfriend locked him up as a sex slave, or perhaps more likely, had he gotten too warm and comfortable in bed to notice it was time to go to work. Well, a little later he turned up, moaning about how the bus broke down en route. Yeah, okay, we believe you. KS insisted this was the truth, so we gave him the benefit of the doubt.

Then he let slip his day had started really badly. Not only the bus had broken down, but his bed had snapped in half. Erm... Pardon?... He reckoned it was because of his weight training. Now you know, even if like us you don't believe a word of it. Particularly since his girlfriend was happy and even smiled at me today.

The Truth About Pineapple Juice

We had a long session of innuendo and urban myth in the quiet hours of the morning before lunch. Like you do. yes, I know, but when you're bored and with workmates in a mischievious mood it's all hysterically funny. Now that I'm calm, mature, and sensible again, I really can't write anything amusing about it at all. So it's apologies on behalf of the stockroom team, and I hope Miss L recovers from her traumatic discovery that people sometimes do strange things in bed.

Incidentially, we did share a few gags about our resident sex-change person. I know, you shouldn't really make fun, but it's impossible not to. As it happens, KS referred to her(?) as a whale. My response was the she(?) certainly isn't Moby Dick any more. I mention this in case you think pineapple juice is significant and that you're missing out. Trust me. You're not.

At Last

The snow arrived an hour ago. It's been a wet day, and one young lady apoligised for having wet gloves as she shook my hand in preparation of receiving a charitable donation. Give to charity? I live on charity. But I digress. Safe in the warmth of our local library the rain turned into snow.

Is that it? Is that all the snow we're getting? All those warnings and amber triangles for ten minutes of slush?