A Trial Of My Life
Entry posted by Sextus Roscius
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Through out my life, and as through out all people's, I have faced trials if you will, though a recent one seems to be clashing with myself more and more. This is the battle of Instinct versus Brain, Hormones versus Philoshopy, and to not become something I don't wish to become. This is my battle with uncontrolable desires and feelings of attraction, from which we all suffer at one point. I don't care for my body to force me to feel things I don't wish to feel, which seems to be happening.
You see, I'm a teenager, and as we all know this is a "turbulent" time. I've found the reality far from it. I have little trouble choosing the right path and following what I beleive is important. I find the things that seemingly plauge other children my age to be childish and menial. Though while I can beat (by my standards) those around me in what I consider important, I fail to be able to control my own body. I've been struck with a horribly distracting affection for another in my grade, though I know nothing what so ever about her. She is not particularly pretty like others I know, nor is she excessively smart in any subjuct, nor does this girl talk at all, and when she does, in a voice quiter than making no noise at all.
I have taken a vow against liking some one for purely physical reasons, in beleif of that being a barbaric and purely isntincial need of the mind, though I have allowed myself to like others for intelectual reasons. We once again all know which one our bodies perfer. So, it is for this reason that I am struck with this unreasonable and useless affection. I should not be attacted to this girl, and she is a torn in my side for ceasing my ability to view certain matters impartialy. What is to do about this, I haven't the slightist.
However, despite all of this I've yet to lose my head, something that is completely under my control alone thank goodness. This is for me a sad show in my disability to control my emotions, fortuntly my youth gives me time to practice doing so. As for now, I await my fate, so aproaches M.L.J. Jr. day.
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