Would you believe it? My car has been broken into again!

Has anyone actually noticed that it's been standing unused for a long time? The hood has been shredded by previous theft attempts and is covered with gaffa tape. Did that not point to a disused car? Or did he stop when he noticed the steering wheel is gone?

As it happens, seeing the damage made me look at the vehicle again and there was a thriving algae colony on it. As useless as the car is, I feel duty bound to make some effort with appearances, so I decided it was time to wash the wretched thing.

It's a cold day outside, so I'll use warm water. I filled the bucket - ahhh, the steamy vapours are wonderful - went downstairs, and as I was closing the front door, I spotted a plastic box sitting on the pedestrian crossing, causing motorists some obstruction. With an urge to be public spirited, I signalled for the oncoming traffic to stop for me so I could remove the obstacle to their progress, and fair play to the drivers (who had a green light I should mention), who slowed down and stopped to let me assist them.

One good kick and the offending box shot across the road onto the pavement. Job done. The road was clear, and everyone lived happily ever after. So happy were two idiots walking down the road some yards away that they cheered me for my expedient and aggressive handling of the situation.

Cheers guys. Have a nice day.

As I wandered down the alley with a bucket of warm water, those idiots started suggesting other ways to demonstrate my manhood at the tops of their voices. Thanks guys. It was funny when you cheered me kicking the box, but now you're just getting boring. And I though Swindon was quiet this Christmas.

Wake Up Britain

Monday morning is always a trial isn't it? After a relaxing weekend the last thing you want to do is get up and return to the daily grind. It seems this morning that everyone else felt the same way. Britain is closed until further notice because we can't get out of bed. Not that it makes any difference. Most of us can't drive up the road in wintery weather anyway.

Nice Weather While It Lasts

I have to say though today is bright and sunny, albeit a bit cold. There is of course yet another wintery assault on its way. You know what's going to happen don't you? Once the Spring sets in all this rain and snow is going to cause floods. So anyone who hasn't received flippers and/or a wetsuit for christmas really does have thoughtless and inconsiderate relatives.

I on the other hand don't need such apparatus since I live on a hillside, but then again, has any of my family thought to give ice picks and ropes so I can go to the shops without falling over on icy mornings? Nope. No wonder Britain can't handle bad weather.