From time to time I hear little snippets of wisdom such as "You can't teach an old dog new tricks". They sound clever at first, but I wonder if these phrases aren't repeated merely to sound clever, to conceal a lack of any real insight into the world. After all, an old dog is perfectly capable of learning new tricks, it's just that he's experienced enough to know he's being asked to perform for nothing. A case of "Lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink"? Just give him some maths homework... That'll turn him into an alcoholic...

It's been a long time since I've been at school. Back in my early twenties, I'd finished my Higher National Diploma in Engineering and that had just about finished my interest in education. I'd had enough. To be fair, music was becoming ever more important to me and for another decade it would dominate my life. Dominating my life at the moment is the fruitless quest for work in economically depressed Britain which is the entire reason why I've been placed on this college course.

Last night I was watching the news and following the death of Patrick Swayze, they broadcast an interview with him from a few years before. He stressed that so many people don't achieve their hearts desire for little other reason than fear of the consequences. That's no great philosophical milestone - Sun Tzu said much the same thing two thousand years ago in China.

I often hear celebrities telling us to pursue our dreams. Of course they can afford to say things like that because they succeeded. It's very rare to hear those sentiments from those who fall by the wayside. I must be honest, my music never reached the giddy heights for which I had striven. Neither, for that matter, has my career. Since there's so little possibility of appearing as a celebrity guest on television or firing hopeless young executives eager for six figure salaries, I'll have to content myself with my college course.

It isn't all maths. They have this demonstration board wired up to mains electricity, and they gave me a voltage tester to sort out which lamp fitting is faulty. So, following instructions, I prodded bits of wiring to find out which wires were live. I certainly found one that was loose. I broke the wiring.... Have you got any maths I can do?

Pulling Apron Strings

Talking about celebrities, they've been increasingly keen to adopt kids just lately. You have Madonna causing international incidents in her attempts to kidnap Malawians, and now Elton John is keen to express his new-found love for some poor youngster. Funny thing is, we only get to hear about these adoptions when bureaucracy tells them they can't have what they want.

Clean Up of the Week

I knew some guys were trimming the hedge along the alleyway yesterday. What I didn't expect was for them them to spread a new carpet of gravel there as well. Not only that, but our weed-infested front yards have received a fresh layer of gravel too. Gravel! Gravel everywhere! Fresh clean sparkling gravel! You just know it's going to end up on someone elses driveway.