I got a phone call from a flustered computer technician on Friday. "Uhhh... We can't load your Windows.... Have you got a license code?"

Groan. Yes I do. Please wait. Off I went, found the necessary document, and told him the code over the phone. He was happy and informed me the computer would be ready that afternoon. I hung up and went about my daily business. That of course means guitar practice at the moment. A short while later the phone rang when I was in the middle of a hot screaming solo. Oh not now you cretin! But a phone call is a phone call...

I pulled the guitar of my shoulder and was about to put it on the stand when I realised I still had my earphones on. Oh... Ahhh.... Put the guitar down Caldrail, anywhere.... Oh no it's falling over!.... Whoops, I've just pulled the headphone socket out and dislocated my neck. Eventully however, I disentangled myself from those lethal rubber cables we musicians plug into everything and reached breathlessly for the phone.

It ws the technician again. "We can't load your license number..." He moaned. What? Please don't tell me I'm going to have to walk across Swindon to sort this out... Yep, I am. That's an eight mile round trip in hot sunshine then. When I got there the repairman at the desk was busy chatting up the lady behind it. Not repairing my PC I see? Anyway, I handed him the info and he confidently promised the PC would be delievered next day. He'll phone.

Next day I waited. Waited. Waited... Tired... Wait a bit more... Very tired... Wait... Zzzzzzzzzzz........ The phone rang to announce my immediate alertness following a cardiac arrest. A quick scramble for the handset.... "We've finished your computer. It's just been turned off." He happily announced, "Now it's ready for collection."

Collection?!!!! Are they serious? "Oh, I meant delivery." He said quickly, "We can deliver on Monday"

I'm busy Monday, all day. Oh all right, Tuesday it is. He'll phone me when they're ready.

Simpsons of the Week

I know this sounds like product placement, but the other night I fell prey to temptation and strode up the hill to the local fish and chip shop. The Chinese crew are all youngsters these days. There used to be an old couple in there who did a great job, but in all fairness, the youngsters aren't too shabby either. Apart from their dress sense that is. I know it's a bit hypocritical considering how fond I am of casual wear, but getting served by a guy in a soiled vest with hair hangin down his face doesn't fill you with confidence.

That's all beside the point. On the television mounted behind The Simpsons were performing their usual buffoonery. Only this time it was dubbed in Cantonese with English subtitles. Talk about strange... Listening to young Lisa saying "Doh Jay Meester Pwinciple" was a seriously ridiculous thing to hear. But who am I to judge? At least the Chinese at the takeaway were enjoying it.